


It Was Always You

by quinnlocke



Series: You Found Me [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coffee, Consensual Sex, Mentions of Bethany/Sebastian, Multi, Oral Sex, Past Child Abuse, Smut, Vaginal Sex, cameos from origins and inquisition, culinary school, geek references galore, mentions of Anders/Isabela, what happens after the slow burn ends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-05-12 20:43:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 71,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5680066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinnlocke/pseuds/quinnlocke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke and Fenris finally kissed. After a year of friendship, missteps, and unspoken feelings they are finally coming together.</p>
<p>Hawke has all but forgotten about Leto, the boy who never wrote. Fenris still doesn’t know Hawke is the girl he did all he could to forget.</p>
<p>What happens when the truth finally comes out?</p>
<p>A modern AU of DA2 with fluff, coffee, cooking and now even more angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Isabela** _2:56pm_

Well it’s about damn time!

 

**Hawke** _3:_ _02pm_

Merrill told you?

 

**Isabela** _3:_ _05pm_

No Anders did

 

**Hawke** _3:_ _09pm_

Who told him?

 

**Isabela** _3:_ _11pm_

Fenris

 

**Hawke** _3:15pm_

Oh, well that’s good I guess.

 

**Isabela** _3:17pm_

Omg have u even spoken 2 him since then?

 

**Hawke** _3:20pm_

Yes I have talked to him. Just not about it.

 

**Isabela** _3:23pm_

It? UR calling a kiss that every1 has been waiting for it???

 

**Hawke** _3:27pm_

Idk what it means and Idk how to even go about asking!

 

**Isabela** _3:29pm_

U don’t talk about it, u just keep doin it

 

**Hawke** _3:32pm_

Its not that easy, there’s feelings involved.

***

 

**Varric (group text)** _4:34pm_

Karaoke Friday night before you all have to go back to class. Who’s in?

 

**Hawke** _4:36pm_

Omg yes totally, Merrill is too

 

**Merrill** _4:49pm_

I am? Ok then

 

**Anders** _4:51pm_

I’m in but I’m not singing. For all of your sakes I am not singing.

 

**Isabela** _4:55pm_

Oh Ur voice isn’t that bad, its tolerable.

 

**Anders** _4:57pm_

Thanks…….

 

**Fenris** _5:_ _03pm_

If I refuse what are the chances at least one of you drags me there anyway?

 

**Isabela** _5:_ _05pm_

10/10

 

**Merrill** _5:_ _07pm_

100% chance of dragging

 

**Anders** _5:_ _09pm_

If I have to go then so do you

 

**Hawke** _5:_ _12pm_

*image sent*

Can you say no to this face?

 

**Fenris** _5:14pm_

I think you already know the answer to that

 

**Varric** _5:16pm_

Wow did it get steamy in here or what?

 

***

 

They hadn’t seen each other since New Years. Nor had they spoken about their kiss. He had started so many texts asking her if she wanted to talk about it only to delete them at the last minute. How were you supposed to even go about talking about something like that? He waited and hoped that she would break the ice first but it seemed she was just as reluctant to talk about it as he was. So when karaoke night finally came around he was elated to finally see her face.

 

She charged into him and he wrapped her in a hug and spun her around. She kissed him on the cheek and told him how much she had missed him.

 

“It’s only been two weeks, but you’re right, I missed you too.” He said setting her down. He hesitated only for a moment and gave her a light kiss. She kissed him back and blushed at the hoots and cat calls she got from Isabela and Anders. They made their way over to a table that Varric had gotten for them and ordered a round of drinks.

 

They all grabbed sheets of paper and gabbed about what songs they wanted to sing and dared each other to try the most ridiculous songs they could think of.

 

“No I’m not doing it.” Anders said his arms folded over his chest. “You know I can’t sing Bela, why would you even ask?”

 

“Please, please, please? Sing this with me. No one will care.” She said with a pout. Anders finally relented and they were all treated to a very interesting rendition of ‘Summer Lovin’ where Isabela sang the male part and Anders the female. Hawke snorted and choked on her drink when they got to the chorus and Anders tried hitting a falsetto.

 

Varric belted out ‘Bad to the Bone’ and did a lovely bow for the ladies at the bar who cheered for him at the end. The waitress came by and mentioned that one of them had bought his next drink. He held up the glass and gave her a wave.

 

“Not getting her number then Varric?” Fenris asked.

 

“I had love once. Won’t ever find another one like it. All I need is my friends and Bianca.” He said.

 

“The way you talk about your laptop is disturbing.”

 

“I’m a perfect gentleman, in public.”

 

Merrill and Hawke got a standing ovation for their duet of “Total Eclipse of the Heart’. Fenris balked at the idea of singing and finally agreed to give it a try. They all cheered at his performance of ‘Swallowed’. Isabela made several cracks about the song title before being silenced by the entire table.

 

“I have a proposal. Who’s up for a round of Kamikaze Karaoke?” Varric asked them.

 

“That’s sounds rather frightening Varric. Do we crash into the stage when we are finished?” Merrill said sounding very confused.

 

“Not quite that drastic Daisy. You put your name on the paper; we lay them face down and then pick them up. You pick the song for whoever you got and they have to go up there and perform it. You can choose to show it to them or you can make them suffer.”

 

“Oh you had me at suffer.” Hawke said with a laugh as she wrote her name down. She flipped her paper over and looked at everyone expectantly. Eventually even Anders agreed to join and they all picked up their respective names. Hawke got Merrill and already knew exactly what to put down. She wrote ‘Time is Running Out’ and let Merrill take a peek before handing it off to the DJ.

“Oh Hawke, you really are my best friend.”

 

“And you are mine.” She said planting a kiss on the top of her forehead.

 

“Oh this is going to be good.” Isabela said with a wicked grin looking at eyeing Varric.

 

“Careful there, I do still own half your business.” He said jokingly.

 

“Merrill I beg you nothing ridiculous.” Anders said as he watched Merrill stare at him deep in thought. She finally wrote something down but refused to show it to him.

 

“Oh come on Hawke showed you!”

 

“She’s my best friend of course she showed me. It’s nothing silly I promise.”

 

“Anders I know you have me. Your poker face is god awful.” Isabela said poking him in the chest.

 

“What makes you think I’ll share it with you?”

 

“Because it’s been awhile.” She said with a wink.

 

“For you maybe.” He said laughing.

 

“Ass.”

 

“Wait who has me then?” Hawke asked and the resulting smirk from Fenris was her answer. Her eyes widened and she thought of all the guilty pleasure songs she had admitted to him, her emo phase, her pop phase, oh no her boy band phase. He walked over to the DJ and handed in the sheet of paper with her fate sealed on it.

 

“Varric you had better give him something good and embarrassing because I don’t know what he put down for me.”

 

“Oh you won’t be upset by it.”

 

“He showed you?”

 

“Only if I agreed to show him what I picked for him.”

 

Once they all handed in their songs they ordered another round and waited to be called on. Fenris refused to share his pick and Hawke tried to come up with several bribes to convince him. But no amount of begging or pleading would sway him.

 

 

She watched Merrill get up and put her heart and soul into her song as she knew she would. Anders was pleasantly surprised to find that Merrill picked “Smells like Teen Spirit’ for him and had several whistles from the enthusiastic ladies at the bar. He walked away with the phone number Varric hadn’t bothered to ask for. Isabela laughed when she found out her song was “If I could Turn Back Time’ and put on a show that would give Cher a run for her money.

 

When the DJ called Hawke’s name she walked up to the stage nervously. She waited for the music to start and broke out into a grin when the opening bars to ‘Magic’ began. Fenris watched her the whole time with a look of adoration on his face and didn’t notice the bet being made between Varric and Isabela going on next to him.

 

When she finished she planted a kiss on Fenris’s cheek before going back to her seat. Fenris was called next and he made his way over to the stage.

"What song did you pick for him Varric?" Hawke asked. Varric shook his head and Hawke nearly said more when Fenris's voice came through the speakers.

"My lovers got humor; she's the giggle at a funeral. Knows everybody’s disapproval, I should've worshiped her sooner." He started and Hawke found herself speechless. She leaned forward in her seat and rested her chin on her hands and could not take her eyes off of him. His voice was hypnotizing and she was so enthralled she didn't see Isabela hand Varric a twenty.

Had it really only been two weeks since they kissed? Didn't matter it had been too long she decided. His mouth was made for kissing and his voice made her ache deep inside. When he finished she stood up and clapped for him cheering loudly. He blushed as he walked back to the table and took his seat.

"You sounded wonderful." Hawke said and he gazed into her eyes and she knew he was feeling the same way that she was.

***

Merrill offered to walk Anders back to his dorm leaving Hawke and Fenris to walk back by themselves. As they got closer to their dorm Hawke kept finding excuses to touch him. A brush of her hand on his arm. Her hip bumping into his. Their hands brushed together briefly and he took the initiative to hold hers in his own. When had hand holding ever felt so amazing she thought?

They stood outside her door and she kept trying to give herself the courage to finally kiss him. She was about to compliment his singing again when he beat her to her own thoughts.

 

There was that magic again. He did not hesitate or falter, his tongue demanded entrance to her mouth and she gave it. He pulled on her bottom lip with his teeth and she felt like she would melt into his embrace. He gripped the back of her head possessively with one hand while the other brought her hips against him. She bit his lip back affectionately and was pleased with responding groan that came out of him.

"Dinner." He said breathlessly. She pulled back and looked at him quizzically.

"You're thinking of food right now?"

"No I mean I want to take you to dinner. Let me take you to dinner." He said kissing the side of her face.

"Oh well then yes all right. An actual date?" She said her arms lying over his shoulders as he nuzzled his cheek against hers.

"Mmm yes actual date. I want to take you on a date Hawke." She nipped the bottom of his ear as he buried his face into her neck.

"I like that."

He let go of her and she wished for just a moment that they could just forget the date and he would come to her bed. But she supposed that was not the best idea. He kissed her forehead and bid her good night. As she shut the door her knees finally gave out and she leaned against it smiling so hard it hurt her cheeks.

As she was getting ready for bed she heard her phone buzz.

**Fenris** _1:32am_

I should apologize to you

 

**Hawke** _1:34am_

For what kissing me? I think I made it quite clear with my response that I enjoyed it.

 

**Fenris** _1:36am_

No, for waiting so long to finally do it. I have wanted to kiss you for longer than I care to admit.

 

**Hawke** _1:39am_

You’re not the only one. Tell me and I’ll tell you.

 

**Fenris** _1:43am_

Since the night you fell asleep in my lap in front of the fire

 

**Hawke** _1:46am_

Ferris wheel

 

**Fenris** _1:49am_

I should let you go to sleep. See you tomorrow?

 

**Hawke** _1:51am_

I can’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to make this a series instead of one ingloriously long fic. And I decided to be kind and go right to the good stuff in the first chapter. No need to have them keep being indecisive. They both want this.  
> Thanks to everyone who made You Again so wonderful and I really hope you enjoy part two just as much.


	2. Chapter 2

**Fenris** _8:34am_

So I know we said we were going to see each other today but Elle asked me to come in for a double.

 

**Hawke** _9:45am_

I understand I’ve gotta get myself settled back into the dorm anyway. Tomorrow?

 

**Fenris** _10:56am_

Helping Dorothea in the morning and afternoon.

 

**Hawke** _11:20am_

I have an orientation for the bakeshop at night.

 

**Fenris** _12:15pm_

Monday, coffee before class

 

**Hawke** _1:34pm_

Sounds perfect, mine starts at 9

 

**Fenris** _2:23pm_

Mine too, see you at 8 on Monday then

 

**Hawke** _3:47pm_

You want a whole hour with me? I feel special

 

**Fenris** _4:_ _12pm_

An hour isn’t enough time for me to show you just how special you are

 

***

 

“I know that look.” Elle said passing behind him as he put his phone back in his pocket. Fenris smiled and pretended to ignore her.

 

“Oh did you finally do it? You did! Rick, he finally kissed her!” she yelled back to her husband in the kitchen.

 

“Did he now? All right break out the champagne Elle.” He yelled back.

 

“What in the world are you two going on about?” Fenris asked as he wiped down the counter. Elle ruffled his hair affectionately.

 

“Oh we are just teasing you. But really it’s so nice to see you happy.”

 

“When was I not happy?” he asked folding his arms over his chest.

 

“Oh for a good chunk of the summer you were rather sullen. There was that one week where you snapped at everyone. When you were here the few shifts last fall you were distant and we could tell there was something on your mind.” She counted out on her fingers laughing at the glare he gave her.

 

“How do you know its Hawke?”

 

“Valentines day.’ Rickard yelled from the kitchen and Elle nodded.

 

“We were just friends then, I didn’t even realize.” Fenris began but he was interrupted by a grunt from Rickard.

 

“It’s always easier to see looking from the outside. You saw her as a friend and she saw you that way as well. But looking at the two of you from the outside. We saw what was building.” He said coming out of the kitchen to stand with him behind the counter.

 

Elle gave him an affectionate pat on the shoulder and left them to attend to the customers who walked in.

 

“All right so where are you taking her?” Rickard asked.

 

“How did you know I was taking her anywhere?”

 

Rickard scoffed and gave him a gentle punch in the arm.

 

“Because you’re a gentleman Fenris, I’ve spent enough time with you that I can tell you wouldn’t kiss a nice girl like that without making sure you took her out to dinner afterwards.”

 

“I wasn’t always a gentleman.” He lamented looking down at his feet.

 

“You think I was? I was a hell raiser when I was younger. Didn’t care a wit for anyone’s feelings but my own. But then I met this lovely lady and I knew that I would never have a chance if I didn’t shape up.”

 

“You changed for her?” he said looking up. Rickard and Elle had become the parents he never had. While he never fully opened up to them about his past they seemed to understand he needed people like them in his life. Rickard put a hand on his arm and pointed to his wife.

 

“I changed because of her. Change isn’t always a bad thing. So where are you taking her for dinner?”

 

“I hadn’t decided yet, I only just asked her yesterday. I thought I should take her somewhere nice, but she’s not like that really. She likes nice places but she’s not one for showing off. But I don’t want to seem like I don’t care so I don’t want to take her anywhere shabby. We could try something different but if she doesn’t like it then that will become the focus of the evening. Though she could probably find some way to make it funny, she’s wonderful like that. What if I take her somewhere and she’s already been there and people know her and they’ll know she’s on a date and then it becomes embarrassing. Why did I do this?” he said losing his breath. He hadn’t even realized how much the thought of taking her on a date both thrilled and absolutely frightened him.

 

“Ok first slow down second, I think that might be the first time I have ever heard you speak more than three sentences at a time.” Rickard said handing him a cup of coffee; Fenris could smell a hint of rum in it. He raised his eyebrows at him but Rickard nodded and so he drank it, slowly. He thought for a moment and then realized what was truly scaring him the most.

 

“I don’t want to mess this up. She’s my best friend, what if I lose that?”

 

“The only way to not lose it is to never forget it. She was your best friend before all of this. Make sure she stays your best friend during it.”

 

***

 

Hawke and Merrill spent the afternoon rearranging their dorm, again. They had spent the morning putting away their clothes and regretted that decision once it came time to move the dressers. They grunted and shifted Hawke’s into place and agreed to move Merrill’s before taking a break. Just simply to see the work done.

 

“You’d think they would just leave it the way we set it up. We’ve been in the same room and always request to stay. Over the summer I get it, they had to come in and clean. But honestly we left most of our stuff here.” Merrill bemoaned as they shifted her dresser back in place.

 

“Good exercise, goodness knows we don’t get much.” Hawke sighed bending over to catch her breath.

 

“Have you seen your arm muscles? All your kitchen work has made you a bit buff.”

 

“Urgh Hawke smash.” Hawke grunted lifting up her computer chair over her head. Merrill rolled onto the bed giggling at her.

 

“You’re very happy.”

 

“I have many reasons to be happy. I’m wearing comfy pants and fuzzy socks. The room is finally put back together which means I can brew some coffee.”

 

“And you kissed Fenris.” Merrill added.

 

“And I kissed Fenris.” she said busying herself with getting the coffee maker brewing keeping her back to Merrill so that she couldn’t see the grin on her face.

 

“Really? That’s all? You’re not going to spend the next twenty minutes describing every detail?”

 

“Twenty? I’m making coffee so we can sit and drink it while I spend the next hour telling you how amazing it was.” She burst out spinning around happily.

 

Merrill clapped her hands together and gave Hawke a hug.

 

“I’m so happy for you. Perfect moment achieved.” She said and a sudden realization came over Hawke and she held Merrill away from her and gave her a scrutinizing look. The blush that crept across Merrill’s face gave the truth away.

 

“You locked us out. It was you.” Hawke said trying to sound shocked; she had suspected Merrill or Isabela behind the act. She turned her back on her and folded her arms pretending to be angry.

 

“Well someone had to do something and I knew you just needed a tiny push.” Merrill said coming up behind her, she wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her cheek against her shoulder blades.

 

“It was really freaking cold out there!” Hawke said trying to resist Merrill’s charms.

 

“All the more reason for his lips to warm you up.” she said with a laugh and Hawke turned around and took her hands in hers.

 

“Merrill it was magic. I thought after that tiny kiss on Christmas there wasn’t really anything there. At least not for him, so I resigned myself to learn to move on and get over my feelings. But then we’re locked out on new years, thanks to you.”

 

“We already established that go on.”

 

“It really was the perfect moment. I knew he was going to kiss me. I could see it in his eyes but I didn’t think it would be like that. He just, Merrill it is like his lips were made for mine.” She sighed and Merrill squealed and hugged her tighter.

 

“So what now?”

 

“He asked me out on a date last night.”

 

“Yay! Oh my goodness first date!” Merrill said happily until she saw Hawke’s smile disappear and be replaced by a look of concern.

 

“Hawke, what’s wrong?”

 

“First date Merrill, I mean it was awkward enough getting here but now a date.” She said her shoulders slumping as she stared at her feet.

 

“Oh no, don’t think about it like that. I messed this up.” Merrill reassured her while sliding her bangs out of her eyes.

 

“You two have already put enough barriers up. Don’t let yourself make another one.”

 

“You really are my best friend.” Hawke said looking up at her with a smile.

 

“And you are mine.”

 

***

 

**Anders** _6:34pm_

You know I keep forgetting to tell you how much I enjoy your friendship

 

**Isabela** _6:40pm_

U know there R much easier ways 2 get in 2 my pants, but flattery helps

 

**Anders** _6:42pm_

As much as I enjoy getting into your pants, that’s not why I’m messaging you.

 

**Isabela** _6:46pm_

Oh no, what did you do?

 

**Anders** _6:48pm_

Does your apartment allow cats?

 

***

 

Fenris was in the back of the diner cleaning up the beverage station when Elle rushed in.

 

“Fenris I know you’re out in ten minutes but I’ve got to go make a call. Can you please take care of the customer who just came in. I wont be long I promise.” She pleaded.

 

He sighed and nodded his head. Elle would give him the tip even if he left before the guest, no use in making a big deal out of a couple extra minutes of work. He walked out into the diner and found it empty, save a very familiar face sitting at the counter. She smiled when she saw him.

 

“Hawke, what are you doing here?”

 

“I was in the neighborhood and thought I might stop by.” She said with a casual wave of her hand.

 

“What could you possibly be doing in Lowtown at this time of the night?” he stood on the other side of the counter facing her.

 

“There are plenty of things to find in Lowtown after dark, like bars and well you.”

 

“You came here just to see me then?”

 

“Well there’s that and I found an ad in the paper today for this Nevarran place and I realized I’ve never had Nevarran food. I mean they’re closed now so we can’t go tonight. But a night in the future it could be a place we went together.” She said trying to sound nonchalant.

 

“So our date will be at this restaurant?”

 

“I thought maybe since you did the asking I should maybe take the initiative to at least find a place. If that’s ok with you?”

 

“Its perfect, I was, admittedly, struggling with that decision. So you came all the way here just to tell me about this restaurant.”

 

“Well I knew your shift was ending and I thought you might be hungry. I realized I would be hungry once I got here from the long walk. So I’m here to see if you want to have a late night dinner.”

 

“You walked all the way here to see if I might be hungry?”

 

“First dates are always so awkward aren’t they?” she laughed.

 

“This is a date?” he asked puzzled.

 

“It is now; I’m getting the awkwardness out of the way. So that when we go out on our date, it won’t be the first one. So are you hungry?”

 

He laughed, leaned forward, and took her face into his hands and kissed her softly on the lips. All his fears about change forgotten because she was Hawke, and she would always be Hawke. What made her his best friend was also what made him fall for her. There was no way he could forget that.

 

“I’m famished.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me. I see a lot of kudos from people who read You Again? and it makes me so happy to see you liking this one too.   
> I hope I don't drive you crazy with the weird update schedule. I honestly post as soon as they have had their final proofreading. So honestly I don't have an update schedule, you see it as soon as I deem it ready.   
> As always thank you for your comments and honestly just for reading.
> 
> Next chapter, second dates can still be awkward.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fenris** _7:30am_

Good morning.

 

**Hawke** _7:40am_

Good morning. See you in 20?

 

**Fenris** _7:50am_

I’m uh already outside your door.

 

“hi.” She said opening the door to see him standing outside. He smiled and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“I might be a little early.”

 

“Ten minutes isn’t that early. In the cooking world it’s on time actually. I’m almost done, just need to find my books.” He leaned in to kiss her but held back. Was he supposed to kiss her? Did she want him to kiss her? So many questions and in the end he ended up giving her what could only be described as the most awkward one armed hug in the history of hugs. She gave him a smile none the less and invited him into the room while she grabbed her things. She was in her chef whites, the loose black checkered pants should not have been flattering yet he found her absolutely adorable in them.

 

“You’re staring.” Merrill whispered to him as she headed out to the showers. He blushed, still feeling the embarrassment at being caught. Was staring so bad? She knew now how he felt, was his gaze too much? Was it overwhelming?

 

“All right I have my book bag, I have my knife kit, and hopefully by the end of this semester I will still have my spine.”

 

“May I?” he said reaching out to take her knife kit from her, it was deceptively heavy and he finally understood the tension that was always prominent in her shoulders. “How do you stand to carry this thing all the time?”

 

“There’s a locker in the bakeshop. I only have to carry it in today. My books however always have to come with me.” she said pulling on her backpack over her coat. Her eyes darted about the room in search of something and he watched with amusement. He grabbed her wool hat from the top of her computer and handed it to her.

 

“Thanks.” She said pulling it down on her head. “My brain doesn’t work before coffee.”

 

“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed.” He said and laughed as she smacked him in the arm. She used the opportunity to entwine her arm with his and he stumbled for a moment. Why was this so awkward for him? He had wanted her to be this close to him for months. Had dreamed of finally getting the chance to even grasp at the opportunity to be with her. Her knife kit bumped uncomfortably against his hip and he was thankful for the distraction.

They reached the crosswalk and he instinctively put his hand to her stomach to stop her from walking across, a car suddenly speeding past them. She shifted back and her arm pulled away from his.

 

“Thanks for that. Crazy asshole drivers I swear.” she said putting a hand to her heart. They went to cross and he noticed she did not take his arm again. Was she still upset? Should he hold her hand? Hawke wasn’t exactly a delicate woman was she offended at him being protective? When they approached the door to Sirens Call he stepped ahead of her and held open the door, mentally smacking himself for not just reaching to take her hand.

 

Isabela was behind the counter and watched them walk in with a surprised smile.

 

“Good morning you two. Don’t think I have ever seen you come in here together before, just the two of you that is.”

 

“We both have a nine am class so we came here, together.” Fenris paused on the last word and looked to Hawke to confirm. What was wrong with him?

 

“Absolutely, I’ll have my regular and oooh are those raspberry scones?”

 

“Indeed, I know how you like things sweet.” Isabela said giving Fenris a raised eyebrow. “Something sweet for you too.” She asked him.

 

“Um no, the uh coffee on its own is fine.” He was already going to be stretching out his funds to take Hawke out to dinner and he didn’t want to risk not having enough for that.

 

“Fenris you should eat something before class.” Hawke admonished him.

 

“I’ll have an early lunch instead.” He tried desperately to get her to drop the subject.

 

“He’ll take a bagel with butter.”

 

“Hawke no really.”

 

“I’m not taking no for an answer and you put your wallet away I mean it.” she said and he knew better than to argue. Months ago this wouldn’t have bothered him. She was always happy to take care of the little things, like coffee and lunch. It had never hurt his pride before, but now he felt ashamed.

 

“Enjoy you two.” Isabela said flashing him a look that said to drop whatever his mind was fretting over immediately.

 

Hawke thankfully walked to a table as far from the counter as possible. Isabela wouldn’t be able to eavesdrop without making her presence completely known.

 

“All right, I need to say this now and I hope you understand.” Hawke said once he sat down and he felt his stomach clench in fear. She was already regretting everything. Their ‘first date’ that weekend had been enough for her to realize there would never be anything between them. This was it; it was over before it even started.

 

“If we’re going to be trying this dating thing you have to promise me that it doesn’t change how we have always been.” She said and the world lifted just a fraction from his shoulders.

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“That right there, I offered to buy you breakfast because I am your friend. I know you struggle sometimes with funds. And no I’m not doing it out of pity, we are not having that argument again.” his mind harkened back to the early days of their friendship. When she had insisted on paying for the wine one night and he had been stubborn and defiant. “You are first and foremost my best friend no matter what is going on.”

 

“I agree that is the most important thing to remember.”

 

“Also you can hold my hand you know?”

 

“What?”

 

“When we were crossing the street, you could have taken my hand. That’s a thing people do when well they like each other. Don’t be afraid to touch me Fenris, I want you to.”

 

***

 

“So this is seriously happening?” Anders said trying to hide the anger in his voice his hand gripping onto his cell phone. He knew his father was an asshole but this was getting ridiculous.

 

“Your father says he’s developing allergies and Ser Pounce is….”

 

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” He pulled the phone away as he heard his mother’s voice turn shrill. Cursing was not acceptable no matter how old he was and he waited until her voice calmed down before putting the phone back to his ear.

 

“Honestly I raised you better than to speak like that, especially about your father.”

 

“He stopped being my father years ago mom, when are you just going to accept that?”

 

“I don’t want to have this conversation with you. I will be in Kirkwall on Saturday to deliver Ser Pounce. Have you found a place for him to go?” her voice was clipped and he knew he had gone too far. His mother was happier believing that the rift between him and his father would someday be repaired. Anything contradicting that was not allowed.

 

“Yeah I have a friend who says she’ll take him.”

 

“She?”

 

“Yes mom she, my friend Isabela. She runs a coffee shop that’s how I met her.”

 

“Is there anything there?” she asked her voice full of hope. The only part of him dating men his mother seemed to dislike was the idea that it wouldn’t bring her grandchildren, at least not in the traditional sense she would say.

 

“Mom, I’m not ready to be with anyone. I loved Karl and you asking if I’m dating is just a reminder that he is gone.”

 

“I’m sorry honey, really I am. But someday you are going to have to let go. He’s gone, and I know you obsess over the idea of getting justice for him. But it’s been three years. Its time to move on.”

 

“How many more years until you tell dad to move on too?”

 

“I will see you on Saturday. Good bye.”

 

***

 

**Varric** _6:_ _12pm_

Hawke I was hoping we could get together to discuss an idea of mine.

 

**Hawke** _6:14pm_

Isabela warned me about this. You are not writing my life story as a fantasy adventure.

 

**Varric** _6:17pm_

The thought had not crossed my mind. I take it she told you about the Pirate Queen of the Eastern Seas serial I had in the works?

 

**Hawke** _6:19pm_

Yes she did and the cover art, wow Varric.

 

**Varric** _6:21pm_

I would love to find a way to justify that but you’re right it was terrible. Do you have any time this week to sit down with me and chat?

 

**Hawke** _6:24pm_

Yeah sure, but what is this about?

 

**Varric** _6:29pm_

What do you think of The Deep Roads, as a name for a nightclub?

 

**Hawke** _6:31pm_

All right, i'm interested. Wednesday evening around 5 at Sirens Call?

 

**Varric** _6:34pm_

Works for me.

 

***

 

“I should have kissed him.” Hawke lamented as she flopped face first onto her bed. Merrill looked up from her book with a puzzled expression and when she got no answer she sighed and placed her bookmark in and closed it. She got up and sat at the foot of the bed next to Hawke.

 

“You have my undivided attention.” She said and Hawke turned her head and gave her a sad look.

 

“Seriously you need coffee?”

 

“It would be nice.”

 

“So you want me to make you a coffee and then sit and listen to you lament having not kissed him when I know you have kissed him several times.”

 

“Yes but not today when he walked me to class. I balked and didn’t do it. I should have. There’s a pitcher of that iced coffee we made in the fridge.”

 

Merrill made a show of getting up to pour Hawke a cup of iced coffee. She made one for herself as well.

 

“Don’t forget the bendy straws.”

 

“Oh please, did you forget who I am?”

 

“Best friend I know.”

 

They sat against the wall sipping their coffee and Hawke told her what had happened that morning. His hesitance to hold her hand. The way he stopped her from getting mowed over by a car. How he had expressed discomfort with the idea of her buying his breakfast. But when she got to the part about their conversation afterwards she began to crumble.

 

“I told him to not be afraid to touch me that I want him to.” She said smacking herself in the head.

 

“What’s wrong with that?”

 

“What if he’s not into that? What if he doesn’t like holding hands or showing public displays of affection? I made an ass of myself.”

 

“Really? You’re driving yourself crazy over telling him you want to hold his hand? You do realize how incredibly silly you sound.” Merrill said stopping her from smacking herself in the head again.

 

“When I’m with him I just speak my mind. I can’t stop it; I don’t think I just say things. I might seem smooth and totally in control but mentally I am screaming at myself.”

 

“You’re over thinking this too much. What did I say about putting up walls?”

 

“Months of wondering if my feelings are reciprocated, and now that they finally are I have no idea what to do with them. He’s there and he’s well him and my brain just goes haywire.”

 

“Did you ever think that maybe he feels the same way too?” she said putting a hand on her knee and giving it a squeeze.

 

“The thought had crossed my mind yes.”

 

“So why not remember that when you’re with him. He’s just as scared as you. So of course it’s going to be weird at first. Your whole relationship has been weird.”

 

“Name one weird thing about our relationship?”

 

“You spent the first three months ready to accuse him of being the boy who stole your virginity and then never wrote.”

 

Hawke laughed and nearly spilled her cup on the bed. How had she forgotten that? Months of wondering, second guessing, being determined to whittle the truth out of him. And now? Now she knew for certain that he was not Leto, nothing about him showed anything of the boy she was already learning to forget.

 

“So next time you’re with him hold his hand and see how it goes, and if you’re feeling brave plant one right on him.” Merrill said giving her a shoulder bump.

 

“I know I say it all the time, but you really are my best friend.”

 

“I never tire of hearing it, because you are mine.”

 

***

 

**Fenris** _9:_ _08pm_

Saturday night

 

**Hawke** _9:_ _10pm_

Our date?

 

**Fenris** _9:14pm_

Yes, is that all right?

 

**Hawke** _9:17pm_

Of course it is. I’m looking forward to it.

 

**Fenris** _9:20pm_

As am I, good night Hawke.

 

**Hawke** _9:23pm_

Good night Fenris xoxo

 

**Fenris** _9:25pm_

xoxo :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I started out writing their date today and realized, wait they haven't even planned that. What was supposed to be a short bit about them planning said date blossomed into the awkwardness that occurred. A detour from the plan but I am happy with how it turned out.
> 
> Special thanks for this chapter need to go to broody and emma. I had a horrible moment of total self doubt and was ready to abandon this entire work. They cheered me on and helped me give Fenris his voice in this chapter. So special thanks to them as always. They are my Merrill and Isabela in this.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this because there is plenty more to come.


	4. Chapter 4

Fenris strolled around the public library keeping an eye out for anyone who might know him. He had come in the early afternoon when he knew it was less likely to be filled, not that many of the students came to the public library, but one could never be sure. He was not too keen on the idea of anyone seeing exactly what books he was looking to check out.

 

He glared at the selection of books in front of him and felt mildly disturbed by some of the titles. ‘Chevalier Nights, Giving in to the Qun, The Dread Wolf’s Lover, and The Antivan Crow’s Desires.’ He shook his head and tried to see if there were any more modern style novels. He had no idea what you did on a date. You took the person to dinner sure, but were there specific guidelines to follow? He had hoped that maybe like so many other questions he had in his life he could find the answers in books.

 

He grabbed a few that seemed promising, the covers still featuring half clothed couples, but the men seemed to be in modern clothing unlike whatever the hell he was seeing on the one titled ‘The Avvars Apostate.’ One thing every book seemed to have in common was a very buxom woman with long hair in some varying shade and a man who had more muscles than most body builders. One cover caught his eye though, simply for the change in theme.

 

The woman on the cover wasn’t in the throes of desire, no she was standing tall with confidence and her short black hair reminded Fenris so much of Hawke. The woman’s companion was an imposing elf with glowing lines covering his body. They stood together amidst the wreckage of a crumbling city like victors of a long and bloody battle. This didn’t seem like it belonged in the romance section and he chanced a glance at the title, ‘The Champion and the Fugitive.’ His curiosity won out and he decided perhaps with would be worth reading simply for its cover art.

 

“Fenris, I’m surprised to see you here.” He heard a voice behind him as he approached the check out counter and let out a silent groan.

 

“Professor Harellan surprised to see you as well.” he gripped the books to his chest and hoped that they stayed hidden as he turned around.

 

“Please we are out the classroom Solas is fine. I came to see if they had a copy of Orlesian poetry that the university library never seems to have available.” He said and Fenris noticed his glance towards the books he was trying so desperately to hide.

 

“I don’t think I could ever call you by your first name sir.”

 

“Should you apply for my internship and be accepted you would need to get used to it.”

 

“Your internship? I didn’t think I was a candidate for that. I have no experience.”

 

Professor Harellan was going to be embarking on a year long tour of the major universities in Thedas, sharing his research and knowledge of ancient literature and its influence on the modern in a lecture series. He was looking for assistants to travel with him and assist with furthering his research for a book, as well as helping him organize and plan his lectures. Fenris would have killed for the opportunity but did not think he was qualified to even apply.

 

“You have a sharp mind and keen intellect, which outweighs experience on so many counts. Promise me you will at least apply, I would hate to think you missing out on an opportunity like this merely because you didn’t apply.”

 

“I will professor; tomorrow I will submit my resume.”

 

“Good, The Champion and the Fugitive?” he said finally catching a look at the books in Fenris’s hands.

 

“Yes, I uh liked the cover art. I thought perhaps it was put in the wrong section.” Fenris slapped himself mentally, he had just admitted to being in the romance section.

 

“No it was in the right place. It just happens to be one of the better ones out there. The author focused just as much on the more delicate bits of romance while also writing a wonderful fantasy epic. I have read it myself as well. Have a good day Fenris.”

 

“You as well prof, I mean Solas.” Fenris said and rushed himself to the check out counter before anyone else he knew just happened to be there that day.

 

***

 

**Krem** _3:23pm_

I’m not going to be able to make it there this weekend. They extended our contract in the Anderfels.

 

**Merrill** _3:30pm_

Well that’s good though right? You were hoping to get that.

 

**Krem** _3:32pm_

Yeah but that means another weekend of not seeing you again.

 

**Merrill** _3:35pm_

We got spoiled by all that time you got to spend near Kirkwall over the fall. Made us forget that there was a time we didn’t get to see each other all that often.

 

**Krem** _3:37pm_

I guess you’re right, I’ll try and come next weekend I promise. I’ll tell the chief I want to use some of my vacation time early.

 

**Merrill** _3:39pm_

Don’t get in trouble just to spend a few days with me. We’ll make it work somehow.

 

***

 

**Hawke** _8:34pm_

Ugh I am such an idiot, gonna have to skip wine Wednesday this week. I’m so sorry

 

**Fenris** _8:37pm_

Is everything all right?

 

**Hawke** _8:40pm_

Yeah I just totally spaced and forgot that I told Varric I’d meet him for coffee in the evening and I’ve got to get started on this stupid paper for Computers class. Who assigns work the first week honestly?

 

**Fenris** _8:34pm_

You’re meeting up with Varric?

 

**Hawke** _8:37pm_

Yeah I’m not totally clear on the details but I think he’s starting up a business and wants to see if I will invest in it. A nightclub lol. Bet my grandparents would have loved that. But we do have our date on Saturday so we can make up for it then.

 

**Fenris** _8:42pm_

Definitely, well I have to get back to my reading. I’ll talk to you another time.

 

***

 

Fenris put his phone down and tried to resume reading one of the books he had picked up that day. He ended up reading the same paragraph twice before he finally tossed the book away and looked at his phone angrily.

 

She was well within her rights to see and speak to anyone she wanted. She wasn’t his to claim or hold onto. Why was he feeling this way? This was absurd, she was seeing Varric. The man who was like the uncle of their little rag tag group. Varric wasn’t looking for anything like that, and besides if he was Hawke was free to do as she wished.

 

But would she want to? What were they doing? Was it a relationship? He hadn’t made any statements to her saying he wanted that and she had not made any hints that she did. This was a nightmare and he had willingly put himself into this position.

 

“Stop this.” He said to himself out loud. All this worrying was pointless. It wasn’t like he was looking to settle down and spend the rest of his life with her. This was just simply something he had never encountered before and he was falling back into his usual tactic for facing the unknown which was to run away. This wasn’t something he could run away from; the only answer was to face it head on. He took a deep breath and resumed reading, hoping the author had the decency to give her characters a date before sending them to the bedroom.

***

 

“Well I don’t see any reason for me to freak out over something that neither of us is in control of.” Merrill said with exasperation as Hawke walked into their dorm room Friday evening. She pulled her cell phone from her ear and mouthed sorry to her, Hawke shook her head to say it was all right.

 

“Of course I’m upset I can’t see you this weekend. Do you want me to be angry with you? Will that make it better?”

 

Hawke realized the argument was obviously with Krem, she couldn’t think of anyone else Merrill would be having this conversation with.

 

“So because I was understanding and didn’t make you feel guilty somehow that means I don’t care? That doesn’t make any sense.” She paused as she listened to the response on the other end. “So come next Friday then since you can.” She said pacing the room.

 

“Of course I’m happy to hear that you were able to.”

 

“Yes all right. Listen Hawke just walked in and you know I hate arguing in front of people. Ok I will see you next week, bye.” Merrill sighed and tossed her phone away from her.

 

“What happened?” Hawke asked her.

 

“Krem couldn’t come this weekend and rather than get pissed off I was understanding and said it was ok, not to worry about it. He seems to think that means I don’t care.”

 

“So because you didn’t get mad at him, he’s mad at you? Jeez they say we’re the confusing ones.”

 

“I hate to say it but we’ve fought a lot over the past few weeks. I just don’t know if things are working out anymore.”

 

“Is it the long distance?”

 

“I think it’s the fact that we got to spend so much time together over the fall. Now that he’s got contracts further away the distance is becoming an issue.”

 

“What does Krem do exactly? He never really specified.”

 

“Oh, security mostly, so he travels where he is needed. Unfortunately there are no contracts in the Free Marches right now, he’s been in the Anderfels for over a month and they just extended it.”

 

“You know what we need?” Hawke said putting an arm over her shoulders.

 

“Pizza?” Merrill said perking up.

 

“Yes and margaritas I think. It’s about time we started using that mini blender I bought more often.”

 

“You were supposed to use it to make smoothies in the morning.”

 

“I made smoothies.”

 

“Twice, you made smoothies twice and proceeded to forget about them in favor of muffins and scones.”

 

“Muffins taste better than smoothies.”

 

“Of course they do they’re muffins.”

 

***

 

**Isabela** _8:46pm_

Coming 2 the hanged man 4 drinks?

 

**Hawke** _8:52pm_

Pizza and margaritas in our room, wanna make it a threesome?

 

**Isabela** _8:55pm_

When don’t I?

 

**Hawke** _8:57pm_

Bring the tequila and we’ll talk about it

 

**Isabela** _8:59pm_

Promises promises

 

***

 

“Mmm I forgot just how much I love a margarita.” Isabela said as she took the last sips of her third one of the night. Hawke and Merrill had only just started drinking their second ones. They both knew better than to try and keep up with her, it always ended badly.

 

“All right, so what are you going to wear tomorrow?” Merrill asked and Hawke’s eyes widened.

 

“Oh no, I didn’t even. I hadn’t even thought about it. What is wrong with me? I’ve had days to think about it.”

 

“Well let’s get to it then.” Isabela said throwing open her closet and pulling everything out.

 

“Isabela what are you doing? You can’t just pull all my clothes out.” Hawke cried out in protest.

 

“How else are we supposed to find you something? No we take out everything and put together outfits and then we decide what underwear you put on, or don’t put on.”

 

“I’m going to wear underwear.”

 

“Oh pity for him then.” Isabela said with a little pout.

 

“Oh shut up and start making outfits then.”

 

After two hours of mixing and matching Hawke finally came to a stunning realization, she had nothing to wear. All her skirts were either plaid or covered in decorative buckles and zippers. She didn’t own a single pair of dress pants and Isabela scoffed at the idea of even wearing pants on a date. She remembered the lovely dress her mother had convinced her to buy. It was nice and simple and would have been perfect. But where was it? In her closet back in Lothering. Hawke had ignored every insistence her mother had made about bringing nice clothes with her to college…..just in case.

 

Hawke was overcome with the knowledge that her mother was right. Damn it all her mother was right. She started chugging away at her margarita hoping to get a good buzz going to make her feel a bit better about the situation. It was only after she had drunk down half of it she remembered it was a frozen margarita. She nearly threw her glass across the room as the sudden pain swept through her head.

 

“Oh my god Hawke why would you chug that?” Isabela said taking the glass away from her while she clutched at her head crying.

 

“Because I thought the alcohol would make me forget my mother was right!”

 

“Did it?”

 

“No and now I’m remembering all her warnings about drinking cold stuff too fast, make it stop!”

 

“Tongue against the roof of your mouth--press the tip right behind your front teeth.” Merrill suggested.

 

“That's what she said.” Isabela giggled.

 

“You are not helping.” Hawke moaned.

 

“I know what will help. I’m going to make you another margarita. You’re going to eat a slice of pizza. Then tomorrow we are going shopping.” Isabela said as she prepared another drink.

 

“If I drink another margarita I might have a hangover in the morning.”

 

“That’s why you’re eating more pizza. Trust me I know what I’m talking about.”

 

“Just promise me one thing.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Don’t ask me to try on anything pink.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I bother planning anything, somehow it never goes the way I intend it to. I have a wonderful chapter written of their date. Complete and everything. Yet somehow I keep finding and thinking of other fun things to write leading up to it. I swear they will go on this date eventually.   
> I wanted to tackle the idea of Fenris feeling jealousy without it going over board. Just a minor twinge nothing more. I also enjoy showing how scatter brained Hawke can be especially when it some to him.  
> As for the cameos I put in here and there yes I added Solas, I needed a Literature professor and my skype group deemed him the likely choice. He won't be breaking any hearts in this story though damn it! Sorry I might still be sore about how Inquisition ended. Thank goodness I have FenHawke to make me happy.
> 
> Enjoy and as always thank you for reading and commenting. I do this for you.
> 
> Shout out to Emma for the "thats what she said" bit involving the margarita brain freeze.


	5. Chapter 5

Hawke stood in front of the mirror and checked herself for what felt like the hundredth time. Despite Isabela’s own flair for revealing clothing she did not insist Hawke do the same. The black skirt was loose and flared away from her hips slightly, long enough to be respectable, short enough to not make her look like a school teacher. It was complimented by a red sweater with a low square neck. The tops of her cleavage just showing and the fabric wasn’t too tight but not so loose that her curves were hidden. The entire ensemble was complimented by sheer black tights and a pair of black ankle boots Hawke absolutely had to have when she saw them.

 

“Hawke get back over here and let me touch up your make up.” Isabela said and Hawke pulled herself away from the mirror. Isabela insisted on doing her makeup as well, ‘none of the gothy over done black shit’ she had said despite Hawke saying she was more than capable of doing ‘ungothy’ makeup. When it was done Hawke had to admit that Isabela did a good job. Her eyes were lined in dark kohl with subtle sweep of nude shimmer over her eyelids and her lips were painted wine red.

 

“He’s going to want to skip dessert I guarantee it.” Isabela said admiring her work and Merrill nodded in agreement. They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Hawke looked over at the clock and saw it was quarter to seven, damn him for being prompt. She grabbed Isabela before she could run over to answer the door.

 

“No, you are staying right here. You too Merrill.” She said pushing them both down to the bed before going to grab her coat and purse. Keeping an eye on them while looking for her purse proved to be nearly impossible but Merrill was kind enough to point out where she had left it. She gave a silent thank you and waved to them as she opened the door and slipped out before either of them could get at look at Fenris.

 

“Well I have to go home and await the arrival of Ser Pounce. Joining me?” Isabela asked as she gathered up her things.

 

“As much as I would enjoy the opportunity I have a paper to start and this is the first time I have had the room to myself since we got back. I rather like the thought of relaxing.”

 

“Why didn’t you two just opt to move into a suite? You’d have an entire living space rather than just the one room.”

 

“Hawke and I both agreed that we got lucky having each other as roommates. Neither of us was too keen on the idea of having to meet new people and learn their fun little back stories that would explain all their odd quirks and habits.”

 

“Fair enough, see you on Monday then.” She said as she headed out the door.

 

***

 

She let Fenris remove her coat for her at the table and the waiter took it and his, another pulled out her chair for her and she sat down thanking him. Her napkin was listed from her plate and laid across her lap. The wine list was presented to Fenris and their water glasses were filled. As Fenris sat down she took a moment to admire the view, he wore black dress pants with a dark grey sweater, the slight v-neck giving her a peek at the lines that ran down his throat.

 

“You know having taken a class in table service I find myself scrutinizing everything they do here. Seeing if they missed a step.” She said once they were alone.

 

“Have they?”

 

“Nope, completely on point. However you being handed the wine list is an old trend. Should offer the wine list to both and see who accepts it first. Though they made the right move picking you, I would be useless trying to pick something out.”

 

“All those classes and you don’t know anything about wine?”

 

“I know plenty about wine, just not enough to make an educated guess on which one to pick for the two of us.”

 

“I’m no expert. I’ve just tried many kinds.”

 

“Well then I leave myself in your very capable hands.” She said looking down at her menu. He looked over the wine list and happily found a red he knew and ordered a bottle for the table. They placed their orders and he mentally went over the list he made of what to do on a date. So far everything had gone well. He kissed her when she met him at the door, he held her hand while they waited for their cab, and held open the door for her at the restaurant. Now according to his list he needed to ask her questions about herself.

 

“So what’s your favorite movie?” he blurted out and Hawke gave him a puzzled look.

 

“You know its Princess Bride; we’ve watched it together like five times.”

 

“Right. What’s your favorite part?” he said without thinking and the look she gave him was enough to make him want to disappear.

 

“Ok I squeal every time they kiss at the bottom of the hill, you made fun of me for it.”

 

“Right, I knew that.”

 

“Fenris did you read a book on first dates 101? Because honestly you know everything about me. You don’t have to make random small talk with me.”

 

“I might have read a couple romance novels to get an idea of what to do. Tolkien and Shakespeare didn’t exactly prepare me for things like this.” he said not taking his eyes away from his menu, trying to hide his embarrassment.

 

“Oh my god you didn’t, did you raid Isabela's stash?” she said covering her mouth with her hand to stifle a laugh.

 

“I stayed away from those. Most of what she reads involves pirates and barbarian kings.”

 

“So you studied for our date?”

 

“Yes, I want to do this right. You are, important to me, and you deserve someone who has an idea of what they are doing.”

 

“Fenris.” she said reaching across the table to take his hand in hers. “You don’t need to drive yourself crazy with this. I’m here because I like you, hard parts over.”

 

“I still can’t believe we are here and doing this. I never thought you would feel the same way about me. Do you know how many times I felt so angry with myself for having the feelings I did about you?”

 

“What sort of feelings?”

 

“Kinds that should not be said out loud in a restaurant.” He said looking her at her with a warm gaze that made her toes curl.

 

“I like the sound of that.” She said biting her bottom lip.

 

“Perhaps that is best discussed after dinner though.” he said with a quiet cough.

 

“Oh I’m sure we’ll discuss plenty of things. When we have the breath for it anyways.” She said and the resulting stammer from him was both alluring and adorable. “Were there any other fun questions on your list of things to ask? Or have you decided to throw away your research?”

 

“A learned man never throws away research. However there was one question I remember and its something that I know the answer to already. But I’d rather hear it from your mouth.”

 

“Ooh something involving my mouth already. My my Fenris you are good at this.” She said in a teasing voice and he shook his head.

 

“What makes you laugh?” he said earnestly and she had to stop and think for a moment. Their appetizers were served to them and she took a bite before beginning.

 

“I have a story about one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me. I should cringe at its memory, but the hilarity of the situation outweighs any embarrassment I feel anymore.”

 

***

 

“That’s not a cat Anders, that’s a cat that ate the cat that ate the canary and then some.” Isabela said as he pulled the aforementioned feline out of its carrier.

 

“Do not pick on Ser Pounce, he’s sensitive.”

 

“He’s the size of my microwave!”

 

Anders picked up his cat and stroked him gently, whispering soothing words. His mother had over fed him, a lot. When Anders had left for school Ser Pounce had weighed nine pounds and was quite the active cat. Now he had swelled to almost twenty and was content to just lie around and do nothing save beg for food.

 

“Tell me again why I am stuck housing your cat?”

 

“As you know my father isn’t exactly fond of me now that he knows my particular proclivities in the bedroom. Doesn’t matter that I’m his son, no the fact that I am happy to share my bed with a man is enough for him to want nothing to do with me. He has thus far not stopped my mother from continuing to pay for my education, but he is no longer willing to allow my cat to remain in ‘his house’.”

 

“I take it you can’t explain that you enjoy both?”

 

“If I wanted to give him a heart attack sure. I doubt he would understand. My mother hardly does, but she will always love me. I guess he just stopped somewhere along the line.”

 

“Anders, oh honey.” Isabela said embracing him. “Ser Pounce can stay here forever for all I care.” She stroked the back of his head and he laid his head on her shoulder.

 

“He used to be so proud of me. I was his hockey star; he would tell everyone how I was going on to do great things.”

 

“You are doing great things. You’re a wonderful person Anders and one of my best friends. I love you, Hawke and Merrill love you. Even Fenris is fond of you.” Anders laughed into her shoulder and she kissed him on the cheek.

 

“Let’s order some take out and see how much rum we can drink before our clothes magically come off.”

 

“You’re already not wearing any pants.”

 

“I know crazy right?”

 

***

“So there I am standing outside my door wearing nothing but a t-shirt and my panties. There’s shaving cream on my legs and the damn cut I gave myself is still bleeding. The RA comes down the hall and I say ‘Well it’s about bloody time!’.” Hawke said laughing as she finished off her glass of wine. Fenris poured her out another glass and she accepted it happily. Their entrees sat almost half eaten in front of them, conversation had become their focus.

 

“That’s the second bottle we’ve drunk tonight you know?” she said swirling the red liquid.

 

“And it’s not even Wednesday.” He said topping his off with the last. She chuckled and took a sip of wine while still looking him in the eyes, the effect was rather sexy.

 

"What makes you smile Fenris?" she asked after setting down her glass. He thought for a moment and replied.

 

"Text me."

 

"What?"

 

"Text me." he insisted.

 

She pulled out her phone and sent him a quick hello text. His phone chirped in his pocket and she heard the familiar sound of a certain Droids signature beeps.

 

"Is that Artoo?"

 

"Yes, when I hear that I smile. I smile whenever I know it's you texting me."

 

"You gave me my own text tone?" she said her smile spreading to fill her face.

 

"Yours are the only texts I care about most of the time. I wanted to always know when it was you."

 

“You know despite what you seemed to believe in the beginning you’re actually quite good at this.” She said running the tip of her boot up his leg slowly.

 

“I’m good at a lot of things, many that I would be more than happy to show you.” he replied stroking the palm of her hand in slow circles.

 

“I like the idea of you showing me.”

 

“Will the lady and gentleman be having dessert tonight?” their waiter interrupted and they looked at one another for a moment.

 

“No.” they replied in unison.

 

 

***

 

The cab ride home was a test of both of their resolves; a simple hand on the knee, a finger brush on the arm was enough to drive both of them crazy. When the car finally drove away he was on her, pulling her body towards him with a hungry growl.

 

“That man drove so agonizingly slow.” He moaned against her lips as he gripped her hips possessively grinding her against him.

 

“Your room? Merrill is likely to be home.”

 

“Yes.”

 

He didn’t know how they managed to get into his room let alone out of their coats. He was generally very neat and rarely left his coat anywhere but in his closet, however that was far from his mind as his hands groped desperately all over her body.

 

He kicked his shoes off and kneeled down to unzip hers and pull them off her feet, nipping at her knees playfully. He scooped her up and carried her to the bed, her lips kissing every inch she could of his face as they fell on the mattress together. He kissed her neck and bit gently savoring the way she keened at the sensation. He slowly dragged his fingers down her body marveling at feel of her curves.

 

His lips found her hips and he trailed kisses along it as he lifted her shirt off. The black lace bra she was wearing so sheer he could see her pert nipples underneath. He dared a gentle bite on the tip of one and she moaned as her back arched underneath him. Her knee pressing up against his groin. She pulled at his sweater frantically her nails scraping against his chest as she removed it.

 

They were lips, tongue, and teeth and he was lost within the moment until a small voice in the back of his head brought reality screaming into his mind. ‘She’s more than a one night stand. She means more to you than this.’

 

“Hawke wait.” He said and she continued to writhe underneath him. “We need to stop.”

 

“What’s wrong?” she said suddenly still.

 

“This is too much too fast. I’m not ready.”

 

“You certainly feel ready.” She said pushing herself against his groin. The responding look in his eyes caused her to regret the statement immediately. “Oh god Fenris, I, oh my god I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

 

“No its fine, it’s rather hard to think straight when….”

 

“We’re half naked?” she said with a chuckle.

 

“Indeed, umm perhaps we should.”

 

“You’re going to have to let me up first you know.”

 

“Yes, of course, sorry.” He said scrambling off of her. She climbed out of bed and went looking for her discarded sweater. He would have very much liked to have put his back but his body felt like it was on fire. She ran her hand over his shoulder as she returned to sit down next to him. She laced her fingers into his and rested her head against his shoulder.

 

“I want to do this right. This is all so new and I don’t want to lose you.” he finally said when he felt like he could breathe normally.

 

“Hey you’re not losing me all right. Don’t think that way.” She said pulling him close. He wrapped his arms around her and nestled his head against her neck.

 

“What I was, who I was, I don’t want to be that person again. I was not someone you would have even wanted to be friends with let alone whatever this is right now.”

 

“I don’t care who you used to be Fenris, I care about who you are now.” She said kissing him on the temple.

 

“What do you want from this? From me?”

 

“I don’t want to force you into anything that you aren’t ready for. If you tell me you’re not ready for a committed relationship then that’s ok. If you want to be my boyfriend well that’s definitely ok. But it should be something we both want and we both agree will work for us.”

 

“I’m not sure I even know how to be in a relationship Hawke, and I don’t want to ruin what we have. You are important to me, more than you could possibly understand.”

 

“I have a pretty good idea. You sell yourself short too much. You mean just as much to me as you say I do to you. As far as where we stand this isn’t a decision you should be making when all your blood has been directed somewhere other than your head.” She said with a teasing grin. He laughed at that, feeling the tension slip away from him.

 

“We should both probably go to bed and come back to this with a clear head though.” She said slowly moving away from him. He let her go though he did it under mild protest.

 

“I guess that is probably best.”

 

“Monday, coffee.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good now kiss me good night so that I have something to smile about when I go to sleep.”

 

“It would be my pleasure.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they finally got to go on a date, yay! 
> 
> Special thanks to broody and emma for beta-ing as always.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed.


	6. Chapter 6

Hawke walked through Lowtown, enjoying the afternoon air. February had rolled in with light snow and the air was clean and crisp. She had been so over run with classes, having a free day for once was a blessing. Varric had asked her to stop by and see the club while it was still in its early stages of construction; examine her investment, he called it.

 

“Varric, I walked past this building three times before I realized it was the club. You don’t have anything up saying ‘Coming Soon’ or any indication what so ever that this is going to eventually be a night club,” she said when she walked through the door. Varric was examining documents with the foreman and looked quite pleased with himself.

 

“Just a minute Hawke,” he said before signing off on some papers and excusing himself away. Hawke looked around the upper room; the bar was finished and she could see the set ups for taps and ice wells. The dance area was decently sized as far as she could tell, and where she assumed the DJ booth would be held a desk with Bianca right in the middle of stacks of paper and folders.

 

“Going to be taking care of that shortly. I was just able to move the grand opening up by a month. We open the first weekend of March. Right on time for someone’s birthday.”

 

“Varric, you didn’t have to do that for me. I was happy to invest in this simply because you are my friend.”

 

“I know that, but what’s the point in opening a goth club if I can’t make the grand opening also be a celebration of the woman who helped make it happen.”

 

“You never did quite explain why you decided to open a goth club and not just a regular dance club.”

 

“When you took us to Fort Drakon in Denerim I was amazed at how many people from all over came there. Kirkwall has bars and night clubs; so many fail within years of opening for being just like all the rest. So how do you compete? By offering something they don’t have. Plus I like the music.” He said with a wink.

 

“So one month then? You sure you will have this place ready?”

 

“Oh yeah, trust me I’ve got a guy.”

 

***

 

Fenris was bored. His final semester of college was passing by at a snail’s pace. Only four classes, and sadly only one was at all challenging to him. So he offered himself up to Elle for any shift she could give him, and made weekly stops to see Dorothea and assist her as well. Fenris hated being bored. He was happiest when his mind was active and challenged. When he was bored his mind wandered and lately it wandered to the same thought over and over: Hawke.

 

It had been two weeks since their date. He had seen her the following Monday, and had been much more free with his affections. A kiss when he met her at her door, he held her hand while they walked, and he would kiss her again when they parted. But that was as far as it had gone. Her class load was quite large with all the extra classes she needed to take in the baking program. The times that he did get to spend with her were short, and one night ended with her falling asleep while watching a movie with him. Sadly, she had woken before him and he found himself alone the next morning, with a small note thanking him for the snuggles and a promise to be ‘more coherent’ the next time she came over. He had put the piece of paper in his wallet and swore he would never lose it.

 

His phone buzzed a familiar tone and he smiled; his smile vanished however as he read the text.

 

**Hawke** _3:35pm_

Can’t hang out tonight. Big project to work on. I’m sorry :(

 

**Fenris** _3:37pm_

School comes first I understand.

 

**Hawke** _3:40pm_

Yeah but you must be getting tired of me canceling on you all the time

 

**Fenris** _3:43pm_

It just makes me appreciate the time I do get to spend with you

 

**Hawke** _3:45pm_

You keep saying things like that I’m going to say screw it and spend time with you instead of working on my project

 

**Fenris** _3:49pm_

Go do your work Hawke.

 

**Hawke** _3:51pm_

Gonna spank me if I don’t?

 

**Fenris** _3:53pm_

Don’t tempt me

 

**Hawke** _3:55pm_

*image sent*

 

Fenris looked at the picture and felt his cheeks grow hot. She had her back to her mirror and was peeking over her shoulder, a single finger pressed to her pursed lips. Daring him to come and make good on his idle threat.

 

**Fenris** _4:_ _01pm_

Tempting, go do your work.

 

**Hawke** _4:_ _03pm_

Fine lol, can’t blame a girl for trying though.

 

***

 

**Fenris** _6:_ _12pm_

What are you up to tonight?

 

**Anders** _6:15pm_

I had planned to get drunk tonight

 

**Fenris** _6:17pm_

Alone?

 

**Anders** _6:21pm_

That had been the plan, why?

 

**Fenris** _6:23pm_

I’m bored, you can be entertaining when you aren’t being an ass

 

**Anders** _6:25pm_

You suck at this

 

**Fenris** _6:27pm_

Only because I’m not trying to get into your pants

 

**Anders** _6:29pm_

Rose at 7, see you there

 

***

 

Anders was waiting for him at the bar. He had a glass in front of him filled halfway with a dark amber liquid. He lifted it in greetings to Fenris as he approached him.

 

“What are you having?” the bartender asked as he sat.

 

“Driest red wine you’ve got,” he answered. “Whiskey?”

 

“Indeed, two fingers, just the right amount to get started.”

 

“Any particular reason you were in the mood to drink tonight?”

 

“None that I would like to mention while I am still sober.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

They sat in silence for a short time, each of them slowly sipping their drinks. The silence was broken by Anders hissing and gripping onto Fenris’s arm. He threw back the rest of his drink in one gulp and began to pull Fenris out of his seat.

 

“What are you doing? I’m not even finished,” Fenris protested.

 

“Finish it then, we’re leaving.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Just finish it,” Anders said his voice raising. Fenris was about to demand a further explanation when he saw the group of men approach the bar. Templars, five of them. He recognized their jackets from the few hockey games he had been to with Anders. The Templars were the most well known fraternity at the Gallows, all of them athletes and virtually untouchable.

 

“That’s why,” Anders said with a low growl.

 

“Anders surprised to see you here,” one of them said his voice tinged with malice. His bald head glinted in the low light of the bar, the cold cruel smile on his face not reaching his light blue eyes.

 

“Not as surprised as I am to see you, Alrik. I thought you Templars preferred to drink in your frat house.”

 

“Can’t miss the traditional bar crawl. We always do it during the game finals, don’t we boys?” he said to his companions. “Still sore about not being able to play anymore?”

 

Anders and Alrik advanced closer to each other but both were pulled back. Fenris grabbed Anders and Alrik was held back by a tall blonde.

 

“It’s not worth it, let’s just go,” Fenris hissed in his ear. They began to make their way towards the exit when they heard a voice yell for Anders. The tall blonde who had grabbed hold of Alrik approached them.

 

“Anders, good to see you. I’m sorry about Alrik; this is the third bar we’ve been to tonight. So he’s a bit in the cups.”

 

“Cullen, I wish I could say I feel the same way about seeing you.”

 

“Come on man, it’s been four years at least and from what I hear you’re doing well with the culinary program.”

 

“This isn’t about my injuries Cullen and you know it.”

 

“Not this again; I was there Anders. No one forced him to do anything. I’m sorry about your friend but...”

 

“He was more than just my friend!” Anders yelled loud enough to draw the attention of the people close to the doors. Fenris put a calming hand on his shoulder and he took a deep breath. “What bars have you been to already?”

 

“Hanged Man and Bonny Lems, why?”

 

“Because at least I know where you won’t be next. Goodbye Cullen.”

 

They said nothing as the walked to Bonny Lems. Anders’ short stride more than matched Fenris’s long gait as he walked towards the bar with purpose. They found a table in a far corner and each of them ordered a glass of whiskey. Anders held his up and stared at the ice before taking a sip.

 

“It’s the anniversary you know?”

 

“The anniversary of what?” Fenris asked, though he was sure he already knew the answer.

 

“Karl, the day I lost him. Not the day he died, no this is the anniversary of the day I got the phone call that he was gone.”

 

“You don’t acknowledge the day he died as the day you lost him?”

 

“He was gone long before that. No, today is the day I lost him. I woke up to a phone call from his mother. I will never forget that day. So long as I live I will remember every detail of that day.”

 

“He must have meant a lot to you for you to feel this way after so many years.”

 

“He was my world; nothing mattered so long as he was there with me. Do you feel that way Fenris? Is your world somehow brighter for having Hawke in it beside you?”

 

“You say that as though I actually have her. I don’t have her Anders. I have an unending wake of emotions in regards to her. Nothing I do or say in my head ever comes out the way I want it to.” Fenris said, taking a large swig. The whiskey burned his throat but warmed his belly.

 

“Tell me then. Go on, stop me from going on about a love lost and tell me about a love gained. Bring some happiness to this god awful day,” he said, pressing his glass to his forehead. His eyes closed as he bit back against the tears that always threatened to burst forth. Fenris faltered and took another large sip, hoping the alcohol would help loosen his tongue while it settled his nerves.

 

“I feel so much when she is around. I want to hold her, kiss her, and never let her go. But then I remember who I used to be. The things I would say to get another lover into bed, like they were check marks to be added to a bedpost. Nothing I say to her sounds genuine, it feels as though I am repeating the same bullshit over and over again.”

 

“How can it be bullshit if you actually feel it for once? You mean to tell me in all the time you have been alive you never once loved someone in all that time? Not one?”

 

“Once and only once, and I broke her heart as surely as I broke the others that came after,” Fenris said, staring into his empty glass.

 

“What was her name?”

 

“The saddest part is that I can’t even remember her face, let alone her name. I have no memory what so ever. I did it to myself, drugs and drinking. I did all I could to forget so many terrible things. Instead I forgot all the good.”

 

“And here we are drinking away the bad again, how much good will we lose tonight I wonder?”

 

“Perhaps drinking together will help us keep the good this time.”

 

“You know I almost dated her,” Anders said, signaling the waitress to bring them two more.

 

“What?” Fenris asked, taken aback by the sudden statement. He felt a tiny flare of jealousy spark inside him but did his best to bite it back down.

 

“Hawke, I almost dated her. Her second semester we had a few classes together and we bonded. Had a lot of late night study sessions. She has this spark and it draws you in. I thought about asking her out so many times. But then I realized I couldn’t ever be what she was looking for. I wasn’t that kind of man. So I accepted it and found her friendship to be one of the best I ever had.”

 

“Yet I still want to hit you for even thinking of her that way.”

 

“See that’s my point. Do you know how many people I saw her flirt with and it didn’t bother me for one second. That’s how I knew it could never be. The idea of her being with someone else didn’t faze me. You bristle at the idea that someone else wanted to be with her. How can you ignore that and not follow through?”

 

“So what, just tell her I want to be with her and only her and she with me and only me?’

 

“Not in so many words, book boy,” Anders said laughing as their glasses were placed in front of them.

 

“Listen here cookie,” Fenris said with a smile, pointing a finger at his face.

 

“I am going to kill Isabela for telling you about that.”

 

“I’m sure you’ll fuck her first.”

 

“Probably!” he said and they clinked their glasses together, laughing.

 

***

 

“Tell me the truth, you and Isabela.” Fenris said with a slight slur to his voice. They had managed to make their way to The Hanged Man after Bonny Lems began to fill up with a much livelier crowd than they were willing to deal with.

 

“She is the best fuck buddy anyone could ever ask for,” Anders said, swirling his glass. They had drunk nothing but whiskey all night and Fenris could feel its effects.

 

“So there’s nothing between you?”

 

“There’s been someone between us before if that’s what you mean,” Anders said, trying to wink but only succeeding in blinking twice.

 

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

 

“Isabela is the closest thing I have to a real relationship yes. No I am not going to complicate it by thinking about my feelings.”

 

“So you spend all night telling me I have to think and talk about mine but when asked to do it yourself you falter.”

 

“Because I know my heart is dead and gone and cold,” Anders said, his hand lilting in the air.

 

“I think you’re full of shit.”

 

“I think we need another drink,” he said, swigging back his glass.

 

***

 

Hawke was awoken to a knock on her door. It started light and then got progressively louder. She sat up and turned on her bedside light. It was three in the morning. Merrill stirred but did not awaken; she was capable of sleeping through a fire alarm. Hawke normally was a heavy sleeper but she had been up most of the night doing class work. She had finally gone to bed less than two hours before the knocking started.

 

“Hawke.” She heard a familiar voice call out from the other side of the door. She scrambled to open it before the knocking could resume. Fenris stood–well, swayed was the better term–before her, a silly smile on his face.

 

“What are you doing here?” she whispered.

 

“I was thinking of you. I was unable to think of anything else. I wanted to see you.”

 

“You’re drunk,” she said, laughing.

 

“Indeed, Anders introduced me to his favorite brand of whiskey. I think it tastes good, I also think it destroyed my taste buds. Can I come in?”

 

“If I say no, chances are you’ll pass out before you can even get to your room.”

 

“That is a very astute statement. Yes astute, you are astute,” he babbled as he walked into her room. She guided him to the bed and helped him get his shoes off; when it came time to remove his shirt he let his arms hang limply so that she could unbutton it for him. He wore a black tank top underneath and shivered for a moment when his arms became exposed. She rubbed her hands up and down his arms to bring some warmth to him.

 

“I don’t have any bottoms to wear,” he said, his voice sounding almost ashamed.

 

“Looks like you’ll be sleeping in your boxers then,” Hawke said, smiling.

 

“Is that ok? Do you want me to give you my keys and you can get bottoms for me?”

 

“It’s fine Fenris. It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before.”

 

“Kiss me Hawke,” he said, holding his hands out to her. She kissed him softly and pulled back when he tried to slip is tongue into her mouth.

 

“You are drunk, let’s not go where we shouldn’t all right?”

 

He nodded and pulled his pants off. He folded them and placed them on her desk chair before sliding into her bed. He held out his arms for her again and she obliged him. Climbing in, she pressed her back to his chest and let him wrap his arm around her. He kissed the nape of her neck and sighed.

 

"Tonight you are my teddy bear, Hawke. Remember when you made me snuggle with you? That was one of the best nights I ever had," he said, nuzzling his face against the back of her neck.

 

“How much have you had to drink?”

 

“Four bars I think.”

 

“You drank four bars?” she asked with a laugh.

 

“No I drank at four bars, might have been three. Stopped counting.”

 

“Go to sleep Fenris. We can talk about it in the morning.”

 

“We always say that and we never do talk. Why don’t we talk?”

 

“Because we’re scared to.”

 

“Mmmm yes, scared to lose this,” he said, tightening his arms around her. “Never let me go Hawke. No matter what I do, don’t let me go.”

 

***

 

The headache he awoke with the next morning was nothing compared to the shock of where he woke up. He was in Hawke’s bed and she was curled up against his chest, their legs entwined together. He barely remembered knocking on her door; let alone getting into bed with her. Merrill was absent from the room and he checked the time to see that it was well past noon. The small bits of sunlight coming through the closed blinds were enough to make his head spin and he wished desperately he could fall back asleep and forget the ache that was growing ever more present.

 

“Fenris?” he heard her murmur and he tried to smile as he looked at her. He must have been failing miserably because she gave him a half smile and laughed softly. “How bad is it?”

 

“I think I may be done with drinking for quite some time.”

 

“Or until Anders drags you out again. Did you two have fun?”

 

“I barely remember at this point. Whiskey is an abomination that should be wiped from the world.”

 

“Tell you what, if you can manage to sit up I will get you some aspirin and water, then I’ll get coffee started.”

 

“You shouldn’t have to take care of me. I did this to myself.”

 

She shushed him with a gentle kiss and he cursed the pounding in his head for preventing him from taking it further. She slipped out of bed and he slowly got himself into a sitting position. She brought over a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin; he took both with a smile and thanked her. The smell of coffee brought a bit of relief and he managed to move himself to a sitting position on the edge of the bed.

 

“Come here,” he said, holding his arms out to her. She was wearing one of her adorably large t-shirts that just managed to come to the tops of her knees. She walked over to him shyly and he sat her sideways across his legs. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he kissed her smiling lips.

 

“You are wonderful,” he said as he trailed a row of kisses from her lips to her neck.

 

“You’re just saying that because I’m making you coffee.”

 

“Mmm, that helps but no. You are wonderful and I should tell you that more often.”

 

“You told me plenty last night,” she said, and he stopped kissing her and pulled back with an alarmed look on his face.

 

“What did I say? Did I upset you?” he asked and she shook her head.

 

“Fenris, if you upset me do you really think I would have let you sleep in my bed?”

 

“We have been avoiding talking about that night.”

 

“Can we please stop referring to our date as ‘that night’, it was a wonderful evening and honestly the abrupt end to our… ministrations, did nothing to damper it for me. I wish you would let yourself feel the same way.”

 

“You’re not upset that I stopped?”

 

“Fenris, do you know how many women would kill to have a man actually have the sense of mind to not have sex on the first date?”

 

“So it was a good thing?” he said, sounding both relieved and confused.

 

“Yes, it was a very good thing. Fenris, ask yourself what you really want from all of this. I know what I want.”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“This, I want this. I want you and me and the stuff that comes with it.”

 

“Including sex?” He was afraid of that more than anything. Sex for him was never about love or feelings, he did not see the connection. He was afraid that if he slept with her, she would become just another notch and that very thought turned his gut into shreds.

 

“Well I’m not saying I don’t want to have sex with you. But it’s not like I’m going to rip your clothes off as soon as you call me your girlfriend. I’m willing to give you the time you need.” she understood it seemed. not completely, but she understood his hesitancy.

 

“So a relationship, with commitments and all that.”

 

“Yes Fenris, a relationship. Pretty much the same one we have now except that I get to kiss you whenever I want and maybe we go out to dinner a couple nights a month,” she said planting one on the tip of his nose. “But I don’t want you to do this simply to make me happy. This has to be what you want too. So I am forbidding you from making the decision right now.”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me. I want you to take the time to decide. I know you; I know how hard it is for you to make decisions on the spot. You like to know all the angles. So take your time and think about it. I’ll be waiting for you.”

 

She was giving him a chance to decide what he wanted for himself. She knew and understood how important that was to him. As much as he would have liked to tell her yes right there and then he knew if he made that decision without thinking he might question it later. It would not do well to be hasty when their emotions were at stake. He breathed a sigh of relief and smiled as he looked her in the eyes.

 

“So you like to kiss me?” he asked with an endearing smile.

 

“I very much enjoy kissing you. I’d like to do it more often if you don’t mind.”

 

“I don’t mind at all,” he said, bringing his lips back to hers and cradling the back of her neck as he dipped her. She fit into his arms so perfectly and when they finally parted he nearly told her in that moment he would be hers, if only to never lose the feel of her lips on his.

 

“When you’re ready. I’ll be here. I promise not to let you go,” she said, kissing him on more time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I could not do this without my Skype group, I hit such a wall with writing that I was worried this would need a small hiatus before I could even add another chapter. However the wonderful Mnemo was up late with me the other night and helped inspire some drunken banter for Fenris and Anders and you have obviously read the results of that.
> 
> So how do you feel about Hawke giving Fenris the choice with how to proceed? For me it seemed the right thing to do. She may not know his past but she knows enough about him to know he needs this. But have no fear my dear readers he's not syupid enough to say no to this. He just needs to think about all the angles and options because he's a broody little pain in the butt. 
> 
> As always much love to Broody and Emma for checking over my work and helping me stay on target.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hawke** _2:_ _12pm_

I have some wonderful news for you!

 

**Fenris** _2:14pm_

You’re free?

 

**Hawke** _2:16pm_

100% Wine Wednesday is a go! What should I pick up?

 

**Fenris** _2:18pm_

I have 2 bottles of the aggregio left. All I need is you, and maybe some form of dinner :)

 

**Hawke** _2:20pm_

You are getting really good at this flattery thing.

 

**Fenris** _2:24pm_

You make it easy, see you at 5?

 

**Hawke** _2:27pm_

Yes, I’ll be the hot girl with the hot wings ;)

 

***

 

Fenris opened his door when he heard her knocking. She was overloaded with delivery bags and there were hints of snow in her hair. He took the bags from her and gave her a look when she went to lay her coat on his desk chair. She sighed and hung them up in the closet. Fenris was a bit of a neat freak and Hawke was more of the throw it somewhere and forget where you put it sort.

 

“Dare I ask why you have so many bags?” he asked looking over the contents.

 

“So I know you absolutely adore the ridiculously spicy wings they have. I however can only eat so many of them before my insides want to curl up and die. So I found a compromise.” She said pulling out the boxes. “Naked wings!”

 

“Naked wings?” Fenris said with a chuckle.

 

“Yes, I had them give us a selection of their sauces ranging from the cloyingly sweet to the abysmally hot. Thought it would be fun to taste them all.”

 

“I’d like to taste you first if you don’t mind.” He said pulling her in to press a deep kiss to her lips. Ever since the morning after his drunken arrival at her door and the subsequent conversation about their feelings he had become much more willing to show her affection, in private at least. He still had not gone beyond hand holding and light kisses in public.

 

“As delicious as your lips are I am actually hungry.” She said breaking their kiss. He pouted slightly and nipped her bottom lip.

 

“If you insist.” He said and went about setting up trays for them to eat off of while she set out paper plates and napkins for them. He pulled out the last two bottles of Agreggio and smiled looking at them. Out of the case he had brought all but one had been shared with her, the first having been drank his first night in Kirkwall. He told her as such as he uncorked the bottles and handed her one.

 

“A toast then, to a wonderful and amazing friendship that has become more than either of us expected.” She said and they toasted each other before settling in to eat. She made him try the sweet and mild sauces despite his protests. In return he had her try the spicier ones starting from gentle heat to scorching fire.

 

“Oh my god how can you find that enjoyable?” she said wiping her tongue on a napkin and taking a large gulp of wine. “Worst part is were it not for the absolute destruction it did to my taste buds I might have been able to identify some of the flavors.”

 

“You can tell what sort of spices they used?” Fenris asked his curiosity piqued.

 

“Well yeah, I’ve made quite a few sauces and after having to taste so many I can usually name quite a few.”

 

“Here, tell me.” he said dipping his finger in one of the sweeter sauces and holding it up to her lips. Rather than just lick it off she took his finger into her mouth and sucked on it slowly. He gulped as he felt his body start to respond to the sensation and held back a moan when she grazed her teeth against his finger as it slid out of her mouth.

 

“Hmmm honey, mango, a hint of pineapple juice and I think ginger. Very nice combination. Would you care to challenge me again?” she said with a raised eyebrow.

 

He dipped his thumb in one of the spicier sauces and didn’t bother holding back from moaning when she repeated the same process she had done before. It was amazing to him the affect she had on him with the simplest of gestures.

 

“Mmmm chipotle and black pepper. Very smoky.” She said leaning towards him, he cupped a hand under her chin and brought his lips to hers. His tongue entered her mouth and she jumped back with a yelp.

 

“You have that ridiculously hot sauce on your lips!” she said and he laughed as she tried to scramble away from him.

 

“Kiss me Hawke; kiss me with my spicy lips.” He said teasingly as she shrieked and was caught underneath him. He brought his face close to hers daring her to not kiss him back. She grinned and gave him a quick peck before wiggling away from him.

 

“No more kisses for you until the rest of the wings are gone.”

 

“I’ll just have to eat very fast then.”

 

***

 

**Merrill** _7:34pm_

Well its official, Krem and I broke up.

 

**Carver** _7:39pm_

Wrong number Merrill.

 

**Merrill** _7:42pm_

Oh my goodness Carver I am so sorry. I must have clicked you by mistake.

 

**Carver** _7:44pm_

How did you get Carver and Hawke mixed up?

 

**Merrill** _7:47pm_

She’s not listed as just Hawke in my phone.

 

**Carver** _7:50pm_

Really? You actually have me as Carver Hawke?

 

**Merrill** _7:52pm_

Of course, you are a Hawke aren’t you?

 

**Carver** _7:54pm_

I’m sorry to hear about you and Krem though. Are you all right?

 

**Merrill** _7:56pm_

It was inevitable really. The long distance wasn’t working. I’m sure you don’t want to hear me babble on about this.

 

**Carver** _7:59pm_

No it’s all right. I’ve still got an hour until lights out so I can talk a little bit if you need someone to talk to.

 

**Merrill** _8:_ _03pm_

Thank you for the offer Carver but I will be all right.

 

***

 

Hawke found a movie on netflix and Fenris wrapped himself around her as she settled back against the pillows. Halfway into the movie she started stroking her fingers along his ear and he let out an involuntary trill.

 

“Did you just purr?” she asked still stroking his ear. He buried his face in her stomach and shook his head. “You did, you purred like a kitty.”

 

“I did not purr, I simply vocalized my enjoyment of what you are doing.”

 

“Imagine what Anders would say. He just loves kitty purrs.”

 

“If you tell Anders I purred I swear.”

 

“You’ll what never snuggle me again? I bet you couldn’t go even a day.”

 

“What’s wrong with that? I enjoy being close to you, it’s calming.” He said burying his face back into her stomach affectionately. She stroked the back of his head and had a thought go through her mind. When the movie ended she decided to ask him.

 

“Hey Fen, have you ever been intimate with anyone before me?” she asked and he stilled for a moment.

 

“I thought I was very clear about my past.” He said sitting up to look at her. They had been over this before and he was unsure of the direction she was going with her questions.

 

“Yes you were, but I’m not referring to that. I’m referring to intimacy which is a completely different concept.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“Intimacy Fenris, snuggling, cuddling, back rubs, just enjoying being with the person next to you. Have you ever actually done that with a person on a continuous basis?”

 

“No, not really. At least not in the way that I am with you. There were occasions where I would sleep next to the person after…but not in the way that I have slept next to you.”

 

She reached out to cup his cheek with her hand and he closed his eyes and leaned against it. This feeling was new to him, the desire to be close with a person. She gave him more than he had ever thought someone could and he understood now what she was asking him.

 

“Being like this, I’ve never gotten to experience it. I like this, there’s no pressure or demands for something more.” He said with a whisper.

 

“Can I brush your hair?” she asked and his eyes flew open. “Please, I want to brush your hair.”

 

He nodded and got up from the bed to retrieve his brush from the bathroom. He sat in front of her and felt her hands squeeze his shoulders telling him to relax.

 

“You got your undercut buzzed again I see.” She said running her fingers along his freshly shortened scalp. He tried to say yes but her nails caused him to lose all sense of control of his mouth, all that came out was a gasp of pleasure. She undid the bun he had tied his hair into and ran her fingers through to loosen the larger tangles. She started from the top of his head and ran the brush through gently.

 

Hours could have passed and he would not have even noticed. His body seemed to slump and he felt his head grow heavy, he was so utterly relaxed that when she stopped he was shocked back into reality.

 

“You stopped.” He said with a whine.

 

“You were starting to snore a little bit towards the end.” She said laughing wrapping her arms over his shoulders and across his chest, drawing him close to her. She nibbled the bottom of his earlobe affectionately and he felt a shiver go down his spine. “I can’t believe no ones ever done that for you before. I don’t know how anyone could have resisted running their fingers through this gloriousness. I envy your hair, so thick and wonderful.”

 

“Can I do the same for you?”

 

“I don’t have much hair for you to be brushing.” She said laughing; though she had forgone getting her usual short cut for school it still barely touched her shoulders. The blue streaks had faded out over the summer and she hadn’t had the time to get them redone. Still he insisted so the switched places and he took a moment to let his fingers run through it. Her hair was not as thick as his but he thought hers was much softer. He gently ran the brush through and savored the way she relaxed against him. The brush was soon forgotten in favor of running his hands over her shoulders and arms. He found the knots that always seemed to creep up in her neck muscles and gently rubbed them out for her.

 

Cupping a hand under her chin he tipped her head back so he could kiss her gently. Shifting himself and her so they could lay down he peppered her face with kisses until she giggled.

 

“It’s getting late.” She murmured to him in between kisses.

 

“Do you have class in the morning?”

 

“No, nothing until the afternoon.”

 

“Stay with me.” he said holding her close.

 

“You want me to spend the night?”

 

“Yes, I want to wake up next to you again.”

 

“Ok.”

***

 

“You should have texted me!” Hawke said trying not to raise her voice too loud. Merrill had waited until she had gotten home the next night to inform her of the break up with Krem.

 

“You were with Fenris and I didn’t want to bother you. I know it was the first time you two had really gotten to spend time together and I didn’t want to intrude.”

 

“Merrill you are my best friend. It doesn’t matter what I am doing you call me when something like this happens. That’s the code, you broke girl code.”

 

“Oh please its more like guidelines when you think about it.”

 

“Well guideline number one is that you call or text when you’ve had a break up.”

 

“I thought the number one rule was don’t date your friends exes?”

 

“No that’s not even in the code that’s just a known fact. Are you all right though? I should be asking that not yelling at you for allowing me alone time with…my…person.”

 

“Your person? He’s not your boyfriend?”

 

“Not in so many words, we haven’t exactly attached a title to. Wait a minute you are deflecting, no deflecting this is about you now.” Hawke said pulling Merrill to sit down next to her on the bed. Merrill looked down at the floor and twiddled her fingers together before answering.

 

“I’m fine actually and that’s the problem. I should be upset. I should be crying right?”

 

“Well what happened?”

 

“We saw each other a couple weeks ago and it just wasn’t the same really. We both sensed it but didn’t say anything. Then he calls me last night says he’s in town and he wants to see me. I was surprised he was even here.”

 

“He came all the way here just to break up with you?”

 

“No he was passing through on his way to Starkhaven and knew that if he didn’t stop we’d end up doing it over the phone and it just wasn’t right. So we talked and we both agreed that it just wasn’t the same anymore. That the long distance wasn’t working and that honestly we were ignoring the signs for awhile.”

 

“So you’re still friends?” she asked putting an arm over her shoulders.

 

“Oh yes very much, he insisted. Said it would hurt more thinking we weren’t going to stay friends after this.”

 

“So you’re upset that you’re not upset?”

 

“It sounds silly doesn’t it?”

 

“No, but that’s because its you honey.” Hawke said pulling Merrill in for a hug.

 

“Thanks I guess.” she said with a laugh.

 

“Wanna go out for pizza and beer with Bela and my sister and pretend it’s to cheer you up?”

 

“Bethany can’t drink.”

 

“Hmmm want to order pizza at Bela’s and pretend it’s to cheer you up?”

 

“You really are my best friend.”

 

“And you are mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there will be a bit of a delay before the next chapter comes out. "le gasp!"  
> I know, I know. But if you hadn't already heard its FenHawke week next week on Tumblr, as one of the founders and admins of the FenHawke Archive it is my sacred duty to participate.   
> What you haven't heard of the FenHawke Archive? My goodness I have been skirking my duties.   
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/fenhawkearchive Come check it out for even more FenHawke, including other fics, art, and yes tons of FenHawke.  
> I hope you enjoyed the excessive amount of fluff I piled into this chapter. They were due for some cute times and I had to give it to them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Fenris** _6:34pm_

I was wondering since you have a night class on your birthday maybe afterwards you’d like to have a late dinner with me?

 

**Hawke** _6:36pm_

Lowtown Diner?

 

**Fenris** _6:39pm_

Yes, Elle wants to know what kind of cake you like.

 

**Hawke** _6:41pm_

Seems like you were already making plans and red velvet is my favorite.

 

**Fenris** _6:43pm_

Plans were thought up, but then I thought to myself what have I forgotten? Oh right ask the girl out.

 

**Hawke** _6:45pm_

So which date number will this be then?

 

**Fenris** _6:49pm_

I thought maybe at least that night, it would just be me treating my best friend to dinner on her birthday.

 

**Hawke** _6:51pm_

Best friends can still kiss each other right?

 

**Fenris** _6:53pm_

Of course, what kind of best friends did you think we were?

 

***

**Mom** _7:30am_

Happy birthday sweetheart. I was going to call but I’m guessing you might be asleep. I lost the paper with your schedule on it so I don’t actually know when you are in class. Anyway happy birthday

 

***

**Carver** _9:_ _05am_

happy birthday loser :P

 

***

**Isabela** _9:30am_

I was going 2 say happy birthday 2 u when u came in 4 coffee but ur boy toy swooped in and got it 4 u instead. Did no 1 tell him swooping is bad?

 

***

**Bethany** _9:39am_

Happy birthday, see you Saturday! :)

 

***

 

**Hawke** _5:35pm_

I completely forgot I’m the kitchen cleaner tonight.

 

**Fenris** _5:40pm_

The what?

 

**Hawke** _5:42pm_

Lol, the kitchen cleaner. One person is responsible for doing a full clean down of the kitchens, supposed to build ‘character’. Tonights my night.

 

**Fenris** _5:45pm_

What time will you be done?

 

**Hawke** _5:49pm_

Should be finished by 9 I think. Meet me outside the building then? I’ll text you if i'm running late.

 

**Fenris** _5:51pm_

All right

 

***

 

Hawke never understood why everyone else moaned and groaned about having to clean the bakeshop. Chef Wynne had a stereo system set up in the kitchen to play classical music during class and Hawke was able to plug her iPod in and listen to whatever she wanted while she cleaned. She could go at her own pace and have a moment to herself to just enjoy her music. That and since there was no one else around she could dance like no one was watching, and dance she did.

 

She started with the sinks and by the time she reached the middle of her play list she had moved onto cleaning the tables. One of her favorite songs came on while she was mopping and she decided to break out her inner front woman and use the handle as a microphone to sing along.

 

She was so wrapped up in the music she didn’t notice the presence of another until she turned around and screamed seeing Fenris standing in the doorway watching her with a smile.

 

***

 

It was quarter to nine when Fenris approached the building that housed the bakeshop. He was early of course; he always underestimated just how quickly he could walk somewhere. He could see the lights in the kitchen on the second floor and caught a glimpse of Hawke through them. He might be mistaken but it looked like she was dancing. Curiosity got the better of him and he decided to head inside and check for himself. As he opened the door from the stairwell to the second floor he could hear music and knew for certain it was hers. Only she would play pop punk at full blast to clean a kitchen.

 

He walked down the hallway towards the bakeshop and the music got louder and he could hear her singing along. Poking his head into the doorway he had to laugh at what he saw. She had removed her chef’s coat and was mopping the kitchens wearing only a white tank top and her checkered pants. When she reached the chorus of the song she stopped and belted out the lyrics into the mop handle while shaking her ass. Her singing turned to a scream when she realized he was standing there looking at her.

 

“What the fuck Fenris?” she said holding her hand to her heart. “Are you trying to scare me to death?”

 

“I'm sorry I would have said something sooner but honestly I was really enjoying the show. Do you always hold a concert when you clean?” he said holding back laughter as he clutched at his stomach. She glared at him and he couldn’t hold it back anymore as tears slipped from his eyes.

 

“I’ll have you know that the reason I was even doing that is because there isn’t supposed to be anyone to see it. You’re early.”

 

“You’re adorable, absolutely adorable.” He said walking towards her, his foot slipped a bit on the wet floor and she slid forward to catch him.

 

“Careful you are wearing the wrong shoes to be in here.” She said showing him the bottoms of her kitchen shoes, the treads obviously made to grip the wet floors better. He used the opportunity to pull her in for a kiss. He might have prolonged it were they not interrupted by a quiet cough behind them. He turned to see a stern looking older woman in a chef uniform. Her mouth was drawn in a thin line, but her eyes hid a smile.

 

“Chef Wynne, I’m so sorry. I was just finishing up and…” Hawke said pushing Fenris away from her and blushing furiously. Fenris looked down at the floor sheepishly and did his best to move away from her without slipping.

 

“Hawke is the kitchen clean?” Chef Wynne asked calmly.

 

“Yes chef, the floor just got mopped and I was going to double check the tables.”

 

“No need, it’s late and I’m guessing this young man is here to take you somewhere?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well then, perhaps you shouldn’t keep him waiting. I’ll see you in class next week?”

 

“Yes chef, thank you and again I am sorry.”

 

“Happy birthday Hawke, now go.”

 

***

 

Fenris paced around his room nervously the night of Hawke’s birthday party. He still had not given her an answer about what he wanted and although he knew exactly what he wanted to say; there hadn’t been an opportunity to say it. It had nearly spilled out of him the night of her birthday while they had dinner at the diner, but that hardly seemed the place for him to be professing his feelings. He knew deep down inside though that it wouldn’t matter to her where they were or what they were doing. She would happily accept him anywhere, so why was he holding himself back?

 

A knock on his door broke him out of his reverie and he went to answer it. He choked on his words when he saw her standing there on the other side. The first thought that went through his mind was ‘she’s wearing a corset’. The next thought that went through his mind was _‘oh god she is wearing a corset’_. It was black satin and made her already flush hips even more pronounced and the tops of her breasts were pushed up enough to almost be indecent. She wore a deep red skirt that nearly grazed the floor in the back but was cut all the way up to mid-thigh in the front. The black boots he recognized from their date, he remembered taking them off of her and the thought alone nearly made him hard on the spot.

 

“I’m going to assume your lack of words is an indication that I definitely look good tonight.” She said with a wry smile and he remembered that he was supposed to breathe. That was until he looked at her face; whoever invented black eyeliner deserved a Nobel Prize. She was gorgeous; there was no other word for it. He stammered for a moment before she walked towards him and pressed her hands to his chest.

 

“Stop trying to talk and kiss me you big idiot.” She said and he obliged happily.

 

***

 

**Hawke (group text)** _8:15pm_

Fuck me, he’s wearing the leather pants from Halloween!!

 

**Isabela** _8:17pm_

Part of me rly wants to say something dirty, but it would b 2 EZ

 

**Merrill** _8:19pm_

So will you be late for dinner then?

 

**Isabela** _8:21pm_

Ha! Atta girl kitten!

 

**Hawke** _8:23pm_

This isn’t helping! How in the hell am I gonna go the rest of the night without getting tongue tied every time he turns around?

 

**Isabela** _8:25pm_

Simple, just keep Ur tongue in his mouth.

 

**Hawke** _8:27pm_

I hate you.

 

***

 

Hawke managed to keep her hands to herself for the most part. When he had opened the door it took all her strength to not pounce on him. Those pants had played a part in many a fantasy of hers after the first time she saw him in them on Halloween. The fact that he had paired them with a black tank top and a purple button up shirt did not help matters. The man made everything he wore look amazing. He seemed to be just as enamored with her though and used every opportunity he could find to touch her, whether it was to hold her hand, move a hair out of her face or even just kiss her softly on the cheek. She kept wondering if he was ever going to tell her his decision. She enjoyed the new-found physical aspect of their relationship but deep down she wanted more; and though she promised to wait she wasn’t sure how much longer she would be able to.

Her thoughts about Fenris however distracting were pushed to the back of her mind as soon as she stepped into the club. The Deep Roads was everything Varric said it would be. Painted frescoes of fantasy scenes dotted every archway along the brick walls. A wall of candles added a touch of elegance to the dance floor. A raised platform had couches and the DJ booth. She felt herself tearing up looking all around her. Varric had listened to her every suggestion about the ambience and flow. She swept him into a hug and he patted her back gently, thanking her for partnering with him.

Varric took her hand and directed her to the bar where a pyramid of shots had been built for her at the bar and she let out a groan. He reassured her that she wasn’t expected to drink them all. Bethany laughed as she was handed a shot glass with club soda and a cherry in it. Hawke had made it part of the deal that the club be an 18+ venue so that her sister could go as well. She smiled at everyone and thought to herself this might end up being the best birthday she ever had.

"Happy Birthday Hawke!" They all cheered raising up their shots and downing them. She laughed as Isabela handed her another. They toasted again and Hawke politely refused a third one.

"I'd like to do a bit of dancing before getting too wasted."

Isabela, Merrill and Bethany joined her on the dance floor and they laughed as they danced together to the music. The lights over head flashing and moving about causing a rainbow to burst all around them. Sebastian joined Bethany for a few dances and blushed when Hawke flashed him the ‘I’m watching you’ hand gesture. Bethany smacked her on the arm and pulled Sebastian in for a deep kiss, a happy grin on her face after hearing Anders whistle at them.

As the night wore on the music started to take on a slower sensual pace and she let her body move with the beat. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a guy who kept moving closer and closer. The look in his eyes told her exactly what he was looking for from her and she moved away from him as a gentle hint. One that he didn’t seem to be taking as he kept getting closer and closer to her. She thought perhaps to leave the dance floor entirely when she happened to notice Fenris passing by.

"Fenris be my boyfriend." She said grabbing hold of him. He looked surprised at first but noticed the man standing right behind her and put his arms around her possessively. Shooting the unwelcome lurker a look that stated very clearly she was his.

"I hate having to use you as a barrier but he was not taking the hint." Hawke said putting her hands on his shoulders and letting him take the lead.

"I’m happy to be of service and I won't deny I'm enjoying the excuse to dance with you." He said in her ear as he pulled her closer. He placed a hand on her lower back and let his hips guide hers. The song ended and she stepped away from him only to have him pull her back, his hand coming to rest on the curve of her bottom. A familiar beat came through the speakers and she smiled hearing the song.

"It's Ladyhawke!" She said excitedly and Fenris gave her hand a squeeze. The DJ announced a happy birthday to her and she listened to the crowd cheer putting a hand to her face and blushing. Fenris grinned and took her hand and swung her out and spun her back towards him. Her skirt flaring out as she giggled.

"I told the DJ how much you liked this song and I’m happy that my plan to dance with you to it was able to happen." He kissed her forehead and leaned her back into a dip.

"As to your request from earlier, the answer is a resounding yes. That is if you will have me." He said and she took a moment to understand what he was saying to her. When it finally clicked a smile overtook her face completely and her eyes glistened.

"You and me then together?" she had been waiting to hear this for weeks, had almost lost hope that it would even happen.

"I see no reason to pretend it's not what we both want, and I would be a fool to let you get away." He said looking into her eyes and squeezing her tight against him.

"Kiss me."

He smiled and brought his lips to hers softly. All the doubts and fears washed away as they danced together in that moment. He pulled away only so he could look and see her bright blue eyes stare back at him full of adoration.

“I am yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me guess? You screamed 'FINALLY!'. Cause trust me I did too while writing this. Actually the part where he finally asks her out was written within weeks of You Again's first few chapters. It was supposed to happen sooner. But my happy little brain said why not have them be friends for a year and be conflicted won't that be fun?   
> So there you have it, they are finally together. But as you know Fenris is Leto and well that revelation is going to have to come about eventually. But for now I shall give you glorious fluff and happiness because damn it they are finally together.
> 
> *minor authors note*  
> The Deep Roads is modeled 100% after the goth club I attend. It is a wonderful place where I have met so many amazing people, including my dear husband. The music, the atmosphere, everything about it always makes me happy. So I decided that Hawke and Fenris would have their happy moment in the place modeled after where so many of my happy moments have happened.


	9. Chapter 9

**Bethany** _12:_ _12pm_

So now that you are ‘official’, double date with Sebastian and me?

 

**Hawke** _12:23pm_

I’ll ask him, so does this mean you are official as well?

 

**Bethany** _12:25pm_

Yes, I know I should have told you but I was worried if I did you would come down here and interrogate him again

 

**Hawke** _12:27pm_

I won’t but Carver might

 

**Bethany** _12:29pm_

Oh god, you told him??

 

**Hawke** _12:32pm_

No, but I did tell mom :P

 

**Bethany** _12:34pm_

I’m googling how to get away with murder, thought you should know

 

***

 

**Bethany** _1:32pm_

How much trouble am I in for not telling you I have a boyfriend?

 

**Mom** _1:40pm_

You have a what???

 

**Bethany** _1:47pm_

Haha, just kidding mom. Totally don’t have a secret boyfriend that I haven’t mentioned.

 

**Bethany** _1:49pm_

I thought you said you told her!!??

 

**Mom** _1:59pm_

Young lady you better call me right now.

 

***

 

**Mom (group text)** _5:15pm_

All right, since none of you ever bother to take the time to call your mother I want to know the status of your lives. Are you seeing anyone, are you alive, are you happy?

 

**Bethany** _5:20pm_

I’m dating a guy named Sebastian, he’s from Starkhaven and he’s very nice. Classes are ok, though I still think maybe I should have looked into a different degree.

 

**Hawke** _5:23pm_

Fenris and I are dating, we became official at my birthday party. I love bakeshop and I’ll be working on a 5 tiered show cake on my own for the next month.

 

**Carver** _5:27pm_

Peaches and I are off again, probably will be on again in a week knowing her. The army is great. Finding out now how soon I can get leave because I am heading up to Kirkwall to do some talking.

 

**Hawke** _5:30pm_

I thought you liked Fenris? You guys got along great over Christmas.

 

**Bethany** _5:33pm_

You are not coming up here and pulling the brother routine on my boyfriend!

 

**Mom** _5:35pm_

So you can go to Kirkwall to bother the boys your sisters are dating but you can’t bother to come home for a visit?

 

**Hawke** _5:37pm_

I already started the preliminary interrogation of Sebastian. He’s actually everything Bethany said, a really nice guy, maybe a little too nice.

 

**Mom** _5:39pm_

And just how long have you known about this Sebastian?

 

**Hawke** _5:42pm_

Shit, ummm…thanksgiving

 

**Mom** _5:44pm_

Marian! You have known about this boy for 4 months?

 

**Hawke** _5:45pm_

I met him once, she never mentioned him all that much so I didn’t even know they were a thing until he showed up to my birthday party.

 

**Bethany** _5:47pm_

Because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, I was trying to avoid this.

 

**Carver** _5:49pm_

How’s Merrill doing? She feeling better about the whole Krum thing?

 

**Hawke** _5:51pm_

She’s fine and his name was Krem. How did you even know about that?

 

**Hawke** _5:54pm_

No, oh hell no you are not going there Carver, you are parking that train at the station and it is going absolutely nowhere.

 

**Carver** _5:56pm_

What are you talking about? She accidentally messaged me when they broke up, I wanted to know if she was ok.

 

**Hawke** _5:59pm_

You know very well what I am talking about. I wasn’t allowed to go on a date with Nathaniel Howe because he was your freaking teammate, not even your buddy or bro or whatever. You are not even going to think or consider going anywhere near my best friend. She is off limits.

 

**Mom** _5:52pm_

We should do this more often. This is the most I have heard from any of you in weeks.

 

***

**Hawke** _6:_ _03pm_

You are not allowed to date my brother.

 

**Merrill** _6:_ _05pm_

ok? It wasn’t really something I had even thought about.

 

**Hawke** _6:_ _07pm_

Good because its not allowed.

 

**Merrill** _6:_ _09pm_

I assume its in the girl code?

 

**Hawke** _6:_ _11pm_

Yes and no its not something that can fall into the guidelines. You are not dating my brother.

 

**Merrill** _6:13pm_

How will I ever survive lol.

 

***

 

**Bethany** _4:45pm_

All right so I never actually told my mother or anyone else that we were dating

 

**Sebastian** _4:47pm_

Any particular reason why?

 

**Bethany** _4:49pm_

How much time do you have to sit down and listen to me list the reasons?

 

**Sebastian** _4:52pm_

I see is there anything I should be worried about then?

 

**Bethany** _4:55pm_

My mother wants to have a skype chat with you and my twin brother might come up here. I doubt the second one will happen but if he does I want you to be warned.

 

**Sebastian** _4:57pm_

I would be more than happy to have a proper introduction to your mother. In fact I was a bit concerned about us when you were so hesitant about being seen together in front of your sister.

 

**Bethany** _4:49pm_

My sister is protective, she got burned bad by her first love. I guess she just wants to make sure I never have the same thing happen to me.

 

**Sebastian** _4:52pm_

Am I your first love Bethany? Rather an odd thing to profess in text.

 

**Bethany** _4:55pm_

Oh god, no well what I mean is. Shit. You’re messing with me aren’t you?

 

**Sebastian** _4:57pm_

Indeed, I’ll be at your dorm in a few hours and you can introduce me to your mother.

 

***

 

**Hawke** _7:27pm_

So remember how you were so happy to call me your girlfriend and how we’re going to do all that fun stuff that comes along with being in a relationship?

 

**Fenris** _7:29pm_

Is this the part where I find out there’s some archaic ritual to dating that I don’t know about?

 

**Hawke** _7:31pm_

You know one of the things I like about you is your ability to sound so intelligent even in a text message

 

**Fenris** _7:33pm_

You’re trying to use flattery as a diversion. What sort of scheme have you cooked up?

 

**Hawke** _7:35pm_

Double date with Bethany and Sebastian.

 

**Fenris** _7:37pm_

Why would I be against this? I like your sister and Sebastian seems like a nice enough guy.

 

**Hawke** _7:39pm_

Oh good, well then I’ll tell her yes and we’ll set a date.

 

**Fenris** _7:41pm_

Did I miss an opportunity to get something out of you in exchange for doing this?

 

**Hawke** _7:45pm_

Yeah you did, but its ok. When I come over tonight I’ll be sure to show you how glad I am you said yes without a fuss.

 

**Fenris** _7:47pm_

I’m beginning to enjoy dating. It has many perks.

 

***

 

**Isabela** _8:34pm_

Bad news, I’ve decided 2 keep Ser Pounce. U can’t have him back, but I will B happy 2 work out visitation.

 

**Anders** _8:45pm_

He’s snuggling you isn’t he?

 

**Isabela** _8:47pm_

I usually kick most men out of my bed after an hour or so, but he is just 2 sweet.

 

**Anders** _8:51pm_

Should I be offended that you prefer my cat to me?

 

**Isabela** _8:53pm_

Last I checked I have never kicked U out of bed.

 

***

 

**Isabela** _10:30am_

How did the date go?

 

**Hawke** _10:32am_

I’m still trying to decide. On one hand it went fine and no one threw a glass or had to have the cops called on them.

 

**Isabela** _10:34am_

On the other?

 

**Hawke** _10:36am_

Fenris locked up like a damn bank vault anytime to discussion went to the past. Specifically his past. Like one or two sentences max about his childhood, zero about his teenage years. Its like he turned 18 and decided to forget everything that ever happened to him.

 

**Isabela** _10:39am_

Yeah but he’s always been that way.

 

**Hawke** _10:41am_

Yeah but it was different before. Now he’s my boyfriend and I feel like I know a spoonful of the cup that is his life.

 

**Isabela** _10:45am_

Ugh this is why I don’t date. It complicates things and then you start asking questions the other doesn’t want to answer. Why are you letting this be a problem now? A year of friendship he must have shared enough with you to make you like him.

 

**Hawke** _10:47am_

You make it sound so easy.

 

**Isabela** _10:49am_

Because it is!

 

***

 

**Hawke** _2:34pm_

Seriously Anders? He’s one cat!

 

**Anders** _2:36pm_

What are you talking about?

 

**Hawke** _2:39pm_

Just the sheer amount of things you have for him. Scratching posts, cat trees, bowls with his name on them. How much does one cat need?

 

**Anders** _2:41pm_

I have no idea what you are talking about. I didn’t buy him any of those things. When I brought him to Isabela’s I just had his cat bed, a couple toys and his dishes. What else does he have??

 

**Hawke** _2:45pm_

I’m guessing you haven’t been to Bela’s in awhile then. She is treating your cat like a prince.

 

***

 

**Anders** _5:34pm_

So just how many additional items have you purchased for Ser Pounce?

 

**Isabela** _5:39pm_

Not that much really. He really loved the scratching post I got him and it got annoying having to move it from the living room to the bedroom so I got a second one.

 

**Anders** _5:41pm_

Hawke mentioned a cat tree and personalized food bowls

 

**Isabela** _5:43pm_

Its good exercise for him to climb and the bowls your mother brought were old and filthy. He needed new ones.

 

***

**Anders** _6:34pm_

Should I be bothered that my fuck buddy is more committed to my cat than me?

 

**Fenris** _6:37pm_

Last I checked you weren’t committed to her, or was that the whiskey talking?

 

**Anders** _6:39pm_

I never said I wasn’t committed to her, I said I wasn’t willing to delve into my feelings about her.

 

**Anders** _6:41pm_

Oh that was dirty, you asshole you tricked me!

 

**Fenris** _6:43pm_

You got me to divulge my feelings after 2 glasses of hard liquor. I got you to admit it with one text.

 

**Anders** _6:47pm_

Doesn’t change anything

**Fenris** _6:50pm_

So you say.

 

***

 

**Hawke** _4:34pm_

When you and Krem were dating did you guys talk at all?

 

**Merrill** _4:37pm_

What do you mean?

 

**Hawke** _4:39pm_

Like about your pasts and things like that. Did he ever tell you anything about his childhood?

 

**Merrill** _4:42pm_

Well sure it came up in conversations occasionally. Why?

 

**Hawke** _4:45pm_

Just the way Fenris talks sometimes you would think he popped out of the ground like a daisy, 18 years old and ready to join the world. I know next to nothing about his life and its not for lack of not asking.

 

**Merrill** _4:49pm_

I assume you have talked to him about this already?

 

**Hawke** _4:52pm_

Yes and no, I have gently prodded him about his life and the result is usually him going silent and sullen until I change the subject.

 

**Merrill** _4:55pm_

Give him time Hawke, look how long it took him to tell you he liked you. Look how long it took for you to notice he liked you back?

 

**Hawke** _4:57pm_

True, I cannot wait until this class is finally over. I miss actually talking to you in person. We should snuggle, I miss you.

 

**Merrill** _4:59pm_

I miss you too.

 

***

 

**Fenris** _6:23pm_

I need to stop going out with Anders

 

**Hawke** _6:25pm_

No, you just need to stop going to bars with Anders.

 

**Fenris** _6:27pm_

That’s where he likes to go. That and I’ve been teaching him to play pool.

 

**Hawke** _6:29pm_

I didn’t know you could play.

 

**Fenris** _6:32pm_

Self taught, played on my own for years until I thought I was good enough to try against someone else.

 

**Hawke** _6:34pm_

I guess that means there was a pool table wherever it was you grew up.

 

**Fenris** _6:36pm_

Yes

 

**Hawke** _6:39pm_

That’s all you’re going to say on the subject huh?

 

**Fenris** _6:41pm_

I did not realize I needed to add any further details.

 

**Fenris** _7:30pm_

Did I say something wrong?

 

**Fenris** _8:15pm_

Hawke? Is everything all right?

 

**Fenris** _9:30pm_

Trying not to be over bearing but I haven’t heard from you in a few hours and I’m worried I might have said something to upset you.

 

**Hawke** _9:55pm_

Anders blew up the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt it was time for a return to the "nothing but text messages" for a chapter. I can fit a lot of action this way and honestly it helps me as far keeping to the flow that I like. I do enjoy banter and the funny parts that come from writing out scenes but every once in awhile I would rather lay out what is going on through their communications with one another.  
> I have also been told that the text messages are one of the things people really like about this fic. So I endeavor to give more when I can.
> 
> Also, sorry not sorry for the cliff hanger. Have no fear, no one is dead I can promise you that. I don't kill people needlessly.


	10. Chapter 10

To say that Anders blew up the kitchen was a bit of an overstatement Hawke realized after the fact. Well realized after seeing Fenris come running down the hallway at break neck speed to see if she was all right. Perhaps she could have worded her text to him a little better and imply that both she and Anders were unharmed.

 

“You’re all right?” he said breathlessly as he approached them. She and Anders were sitting on a bench in the hallway outside the damaged kitchen. Anders had his head buried in his hands while Hawke rubbed his shoulders reassuringly.

 

“We’re both fine, the kitchen however not so much.” Hawke replied. Fenris turned and saw the damage. The counters, ceiling, and walls were sprayed with what looked like congealed blood. Upon further inspection he saw the remnants of what must have been beets plastered to the ceiling.

 

“What happened?” he asked turning back to them. Anders lifted his head to look at him and Fenris was taken aback. His bright eyes were sunken with dark purple blotches underneath and his usually kempt hair was in disarray. Even at his worst Fenris had never seen Anders look like that.

 

“I loaded the cooker wrong. I still don’t understand how, I’ve done it hundreds of times.” Anders barely mumbled out before burying his head into his hands again.

 

“It happens to the best of us. You just made a mistake.”

 

“A mistake that drowned the kitchen in the blood of beets!”

 

“Beets don’t have blood Anders, just brightly colored juices that look like blood. You’re being over dramatic.”

 

“Just kill me now. I’ll never be able to look Chef Orsino in the face again. My knife kit is in there somewhere. The boning knife will do the trick, just slide it up under my rib cage.”

 

“Enough pull yourself together. Shit happens; I guarantee you’re not the first person to do this.”

 

She turned away from Anders as he muttered to himself about half measures and compromises and stood to give Fenris a hug. He clutched her tight and she looked up at him quizzically.

 

“As much as I enjoy pressing my cheek to this fine looking chest you’re making it hard to breathe.” She said and he loosened his grip slightly.

 

“You frightened me.” he said resting his cheek on the top of her head.

 

“Me?”

“Before you messaged me about the kitchen. There was a moment…don’t do that again please. If you’re mad at me for something tell me.”

 

“I’m not mad, just frustrated. But we don’t have to talk about it now. Especially not…” she said angling her head towards Anders.

 

“We should walk him home.”

 

***

 

**Fenris** _2:35pm_

I seem to remember you saying something awhile ago…

 

**Anders** _2:37pm_

Shut up

 

**Fenris** _2:39pm_

I have it under control

 

**Anders** _2:42pm_

So help me…

 

**Fenris** _2:45pm_

I’m trying, you don’t seem to be willing to let me

 

**Anders** _2:47pm_

If I thought you could I would let you

 

***

 

**Hawke** _12:34pm_

Hey where are you?

 

**Bethany** _12:37pm_

In my dorm why?

 

**Hawke** _12:39pm_

I have the afternoon free I came to surprise you after class but you weren’t there

 

**Bethany** _12:45pm_

I wasn’t feeling well so I skipped today.

 

**Hawke** _12:47pm_

Your professor said you’ve missed the last 2 classes.

 

**Bethany** _12:49pm_

Oh that class, I dropped it. Guess he didn’t get the notice yet.

 

**Hawke** _12:52pm_

Is everything all right? I’m heading to your dorm now.

 

**Bethany** _12:55pm_

Everything is fine, but I’m probably contagious so you should stay away.

 

**Hawke** _1:_ _04pm_

That’s me knocking come on Beth let me in.

 

**Bethany** _1:_ _07pm_

I really don’t feel good, please just let me be.

 

***

 

Contrary to what Hawke had promised him they did not talk at all. Aside from a few texts here and there he had barely spoken to her for almost a week. He knew her class load was large but it seemed as though she was suddenly always busy and he was beginning to wonder if she was being honest with him. After yet another text saying she had a late class he finally decided to confirm his suspicions. If she was indeed in class he would let it go, if not he would find a way to confront her and ask what was going on.

He passed by the bakeshop and breathed a sigh of relief at seeing her in there. She didn’t notice him and he took a moment to watch her at work. She always lamented the state of her hands, whether it was her multi colored fingertips, or the multitude of burns and rough calluses. Seeing now what those hands could do was amazing. She held a piping back up to the cake she was decorating and piped out abstract lines with precision.

 

“How long are you going to stare at me before saying something?” she said and he jumped hearing her voice. He stepped carefully into the kitchen and stood across the table from her.

 

“How did you know I was there?”

 

“I haven’t had a cigarette in four hours; I can smell it on you. Also chef saw you in the hallway and told me you were in the building.” She said finally looking up at him.

 

“You haven’t had a break?”

 

“I haven’t taken one yet no.”

 

“Care to take one now then?”

 

They walked outside and he lit her cigarette for her. They stood in silence and he could feel the tension in the air and decided to be the one to speak first.

 

“You’ve been avoiding me.” he said trying to hold back from sounding accusatory.

 

“No.” she said curtly.

 

“Really? I saw no one else in that room and yet you claim to be in class.”

 

“In case you didn’t notice that was a five tiered cake. It’s a big project.” she was avoiding looking at him as she spoke.

 

“Due at the end of the semester which is still two months away.”

 

“What happened to school comes first?”

 

“It does, but I am beginning to think you are finding excuses to spend more time in class than is needed. You’re avoiding me and I want to know why.”

 

She huffed and almost walked away from him. He reached out and took her wrist gently and pulled her back to him.

 

“What did I do?” he asked and was saddened to see the look in her eyes.

 

“Its not what you did Fenris, its what you don’t say.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“I know nothing about your life save a few tidbits you have been almost unwilling to share. I’m not saying I want to know your whole life story but I at least would like to know some things. Where did you grow up? What did you want to be when you were a kid? Who were you before you became what you are now?”

 

“Why is that important? What reason could there be to share stories from a life I wish to forget?”

 

“Because those stories are what make you, you. Because I care about you and I want to know you. I feel like I know only a shred of the life you have lived.”

 

“It’s not important though. That life is best left forgotten. I have shared plenty with you. Why must you press for more?”

 

“Because you’re important to me.” she said wrapping her arms around herself and moving away from him.

 

 

“Then respect my desires to leave the past where it is.” He replied folding his arms across his chest trying not to glare at her.

 

“So that’s it then? I ask you to give an inch and you run away an entire mile?”

 

“I’m not running away Hawke.”

 

“Not physically, but emotionally I can already see it. There’s this wall around you and try as I might to chip away at the bricks you always manage to seal them back up.”

 

“I have been nothing but forthcoming with you over the last year. Any feelings I kept from you were a result of not knowing where we stood. Are you going to hold that against me now even after I have told you everything?”

 

“You’re changing the subject.”

 

“No I am simply adding a perspective you aren’t seeing.”

 

“I can’t do this right now. I have to get back in there and work on my project. I’ll call you or text something tomorrow. Maybe then you might be willing to actually let me in.”

 

“I have let you in.”

 

“Not completely Fenris. Your heart is a home and you are content to let me sit in the doorway.” she walked away from him then and he watched her leave not fully understanding what had happened.

 

***

 

**Fenris** _3:56pm_

I am guessing you are still mad at me?

 

**Hawke** _4:_ _10pm_

I never said I was mad. I’m frustrated.

 

**Fenris** _4:_ _12pm_

Can I see you tonight? We can try to talk or just cuddle if that works.

 

**Hawke** _4:14pm_

I really want to and you’re going to think I’m lying but I do actually have a paper to write. I kept putting it off and its due in two days.

 

**Fenris** _4:16pm_

I believe you, just text me when you’re finished and maybe we can plan something. You and me, dinner or a movie, anything you want.

 

He stared at his phone for a few minutes waiting for a response. When there was none he tossed it away and flopped face first down onto the bed. Why was she being so difficult? His past was never something she pried into before. She had been content to let him share what he wanted to share and left well enough alone when he wanted to remain silent. Why did dating suddenly change all that? Why would she even want to know? Would it bring them closer if she knew that half his scars were caused by one man? Would it make them a more committed couple if she knew that his tattoos were paid for with stolen money? That he had a sister but refused to see or speak to her because she betrayed him? Would knowing any of this be of any benefit to her or their relationship?

 

No, he decided it would not help. It would change how she saw him. She wouldn’t see Fenris anymore; she would see Leto and Leto was dead. Long gone and forgotten and for good reasons. Leto was weak, Leto was broken, and Leto didn’t have the strength to build himself up to what Fenris had become. The day he took his new name he swore he would never look back. That he would never again be that weak child who allowed his entire life to be ruled over with fear and pain. Hawke was asking him to remember a life he wished he had never known. She was asking him to remember that he was not always who he had made himself to be.

 

His phone buzzed and when he recognized his standard text tone he sighed but checked the message none the less.

 

**Anders** _5:45pm_

Are we still playing pool tomorrow night?

 

**Fenris** _5:50pm_

I’m actually free tonight after all if you are.

 

**Anders** _5:52pm_

Birdie stood you up?

 

**Fenris** _5:55pm_

Possibly, remember when I said you needed to get yourself under control?

 

**Anders** _5:57pm_

Yes?

 

**Fenris** _5:59pm_

Get yourself under control tomorrow, tonight let’s get shit faced.

 

***

 

Hawke hadn’t lied when she told him she had a paper to write and she really did try to focus on it. Her mind however was more content to think on the argument with Fenris. She hadn’t meant for it to escalate into a fight. She really had intended to just let it go, but after watching him put his walls up again she couldn’t keep silent. Now she regretted every word she said to him. They had been dating barely a month and she was already causing fights. She looked down at her phone and thought to text him; tell him the paper could wait. Shaking her head she changed her mind, he would decline simply because she had already said the paper was important. Thankfully Merrill picked that moment to walk in the door.

 

“Merrill!” she said jumping up to hug her.

 

“Hello Hawke, you seem rather happy to see me.”

 

“Very happy, lets order take out and pretend we don’t have any papers to write.”

 

“I don’t have any papers to write.”

 

“That’s the spirit!”

 

***

 

“You’re an enabler you know that right?” Anders said his voice only slightly slurring. Fenris had convinced him to lay off the whiskey and stick to beer. They had polished off three pitchers together in less than two hours. Fenris hated the taste of the stuff but knew how bad they would both get on the harder stuff.

 

“So what? You need this just as much as I do.” Fenris said lining up his shot. He wasn’t buzzed enough that Anders was winning, but he was catching up. His phone vibrating in his pocket distracted him and he missed causing Anders to laugh. “I should say the shot doesn’t count.”

 

“And I will tell you that you are wrong, it does indeed count. Now check your messages.”

 

Fenris grumbled and pulled out his phone a slight fluttering happened in his chest when he saw that it was from Hawke.

 

**Hawke** _8:34pm_

Movie tomorrow, you owe me a romantic comedy after having me watch that costume drama.

 

“The smile on your face tells me that the lovely Birdie has deigned to bless you with communication.” Anders said snarkily as he sunk in his ball, his grin subsiding as the cue ball scratched.

 

“That’s what you get for being an ass.” Fenris replied putting his phone back in his pocket. He would reply later, she had left him hanging for hours wondering if they were still arguing. Perhaps she could stand to have a taste of her own medicine.

 

 

After the fourth pitcher Anders begged for one glass of whiskey to finish off the night and Fenris obliged. When the time reached midnight they both agreed that it would be best for them to head home. Standing outside the bar Fenris lit a cigarette and pulled out his phone to call a cab, laughing when Anders swayed into him slightly.

 

“Well would you look at that. Twinkle toes finally found himself a new bitch.” said a voice behind them. They turned and saw Alrik and another one of the Templars.

 

“Fuck off Alrik.” Anders said turning the other way and motioning for Fenris to follow him down the street.

 

“Walking away, typical you really are a cowardly little fag…” his words were cut off when Fenris decked him with a right hook. Anders stood in shock and looked at Fenris like he had gone crazy.

 

“What the fuck did you do that for?” Anders yelled and Fenris gave him a grin.

 

“Because you’re an asshole. You make stupid comments, you drink too much, and sometimes you annoy the hell out of me. But damn it you’re my asshole.” He said before taking a punch to the gut from Alrik’s friend.

 

***

 

Hawke woke up to her phone ringing and groaned looking at the time. Four in the morning what the hell? She didn’t recognize the number but it was the Kirkwall area code. For a moment she considered not answering but changed her mind at the last minute.

 

“Hello?” she said trying to sound annoyed rather than sleepy.

 

“Hawke, it’s me.” Fenris’s voice sounded strained and it shot her into alertness.

 

“Fenris, what’s wrong where are you? Why aren’t you calling me from your cell?”

 

“I’m in jail.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes another cliffhanger. I'm in a angsty drama mood I guess. 
> 
> Fenris and Anders, I have stopped bringing them togteher in playthroughs because I cannot stand the sniping and the arguing. But in the modern setting I see them as friends and I wanted Fenris to finally realize he has friends. He spent so long alone and Hawke was really the only one he ever reached out to. But now he has Anders as well and I figured what better way to cement a friendship than to get into a fist fight together. 
> 
> Next chapter is already halfway done, though I usually don't like to make promises about updates I think it will be ready in less than a week. Happy reading and as always I do so adore your comments.
> 
> Special thanks to my lovely ladies Broody and Emma and to my skype group.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning*  
> Not sure if this is needed but I figure better safe than sorry. This chapter features descriptions of someone dealing with a panic/anxiety attack.

Hawke dropped her keys twice on her way out to the parking lot. Her mind ran with a million scenarios as to how Fenris had ended up arrested. There had been no time for him to give details, he simply asked her to come pick him up. She nearly jumped out of her skin when her phone rang as she started the car. She saw Isabela’s name flashing across the screen and answered.

 

“Hey Bela,” she said breathlessly.

 

“Oh you already know then?”

 

“Yeah, just got my car started I’m on my way. How did you find out?”

 

“Anders is with him. They both got arrested.”

 

“Shit, did you find out why?”

 

“Bar fight with some Templars. This keeps getting worse.”

 

“I know do you need me to come get you?”

 

“I’m already in a cab on my way, but we could use a ride back to my place. I figure some cuddles with Ser Pounce will be good for Anders.”

 

“Yeah I’ll see you there, then.”

 

She pulled into the parking lot of the Kirkwall police station and ran inside the building. She found Anders and Isabela in the waiting room with no sign of Fenris anywhere.

 

“What’s going on? Why isn’t Fenris being released too?” she asked worriedly.

 

“He threw the first punch Hawke; I think they might be charging him.” Anders said, giving her an apologetic look.

 

“Shit, what were you two doing? How did this happen?”

 

“We were playing pool and having some drinks. When we left, that Alrik asshole was outside with one of his buddies and he made some unsavory comments and Fenris decked him.”

 

“Seriously, you guys were drinking? Anders, you loaded a pressure cooker wrong and nearly destroyed a kitchen because you were hung-over and exhausted; and you think it’s a good idea to still go out to a bar?” Hawke was livid.

 

“It was his idea! If you hadn’t been giving him the damn silent treatment over a dumb argument, he never would have asked me to hang out.” Anders was getting defensive. Isabela stepped between them, putting a hand to Anders chest.

 

“This isn’t the time or the place,” she said in a calm voice, and would have continued to defuse the situation were they not interrupted.

“Are you here for Fenris Bellator?” the officer asked.

 

“Yes, I am here for him. Is he being charged?” Hawke asked, clutching her hands together nervously.

 

“No charges are being filed. He’s being released now; should be another five minutes or so.”

 

Hawke breathed a sigh of relief and sat down with a huff. Anders and Isabela sat down with her and Anders let out a small chuckle.

 

“What?” Isabela asked with her head cocked to the side.

 

“I never knew his last name. He threw a punch for me and I didn’t even know what his last name was.” Anders said with a sigh, looking to Hawke.

 

“To be fair, I don’t even know your first name,” she said, reaching a hand out to him.

 

“You never will if I have my way.”

 

“You mean until they announce it at graduation.” She laughed at the look of horror on his face.

 

“Hawke?” She heard his voice and stood up immediately and ran to hug him. He kept his hands clasped in front of him like they were still handcuffed and stiffened slightly in her embrace. His head was down and he kept his eyes averted from looking into hers.

 

“All right, let’s get you home,” she said, taking him by the arm gently and heading back out to her car.

 

As they walked towards the parking lot, Anders let out an angry breath; she saw three men in templar jackets heading towards another car. One of them looked up and called out to them.

 

“Get in the car,” Hawke ordered and she quickly unlocked it and stepped in. She watched the templar heading towards them, signaling for them to wait. She looked at the rest of them and sighed, stepping out of the car to head him off before he came any closer.

 

“Haven’t you caused enough trouble?” she asked, eyeing up the tall blonde. He had a cheery disposition and it pissed her off.

 

“I just wanted to make sure they were all right. I talked to the police and got everything squared away so there wouldn’t be any charges. You know, bygones be bygones, that sort of thing.”

 

“You’re Cullen aren’t you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Listen this whole nice guy act, you can drop it, seriously.”

 

“I don’t know what you mean.”

 

“Oh fuck it’s not an act; well great, that makes this even more fun. Listen your frat buddies are assholes. Not all of them, but a good chunk of them. They act like the world belongs to them and they can do whatever the hell they want. Do you know how many stories have gone around about what happens at your parties? How many girls get touched or coerced; how many guys end up nearly dying from the amount of alcohol foisted on them? Let’s not forget that someone did end up dying from one of your parties.”

 

“Stories are completely circumstantial no one has come forward to claim anything.”

 

“Because they’re afraid, because you are the most well known and influential fraternity in the freaking Free Marches. News flash Cullen, you’re not in the best company and maybe you could actually fix it if you opened your damn eyes. Now if you will excuse me, I’m taking my friends home.” She turned away and went back to her car, leaving him speechless in the parking lot.

 

“Hawke,” Anders said quietly as she pulled up in front of Isabela’s apartment, “you didn’t have to do that, but...”

 

“Anders, I know you want justice for Karl. I know how much it hurts you. But it is eating you apart inside. You won’t get him justice by having fights outside of bars with those assholes,” she said, staring ahead and trying to hold back the seething anger she felt.

 

“I know.”

 

“I love you ok?”

 

“I love you too Birdie,” he said, reaching over to hug her from the backseat before getting out.

 

“Good speech,” Isabela said, laying a hand on her shoulder. “Better than I would have done, I’d have kicked him in the balls afterwards.”

 

Fenris nodded a goodbye to the both of them but wouldn’t speak a word as Hawke drove them back to the dorms. He sat with his hands clenched into fists and shied away from her attempt to rest her hand on his leg. His eyes barely focusing on the road ahead of them, he seemed lost and she found it unsettling.

 

She pulled into the parking lot and shut off the car, when he didn’t move she touched him gently on the arm and he hissed drawing away from her.

 

“We’re here,” she said softly and he nodded and stepped out of the car. She followed behind him, keeping two paces between them as they walked to his door. He fumbled with his keys as his hands shook and nearly jumped when she reached to take them from him. Composing himself long enough to hand them over to her. Once she got the door open he strode into the room and removed his jacket and threw it towards his computer chair. She watched as he stripped himself down to his boxers, leaving his clothes strewn about. It was a surreal experience seeing someone she knew to be meticulously neat just throw his clothing about. She hung his jacket in the closet and put his clothes in the hamper, watching him as he paced about the room with no purpose.

He finally stopped moving and it seemed as though he was going to say something. But he shook his head instead and sat down at his desk and booted up his laptop.

 

“Fenris?” she asked quietly.

 

He said nothing and tapped his fingers against the desk, waiting for his computer to load, each tap growing louder and faster as the system booted up slowly. His breath was coming out in bursts as his chest visibly heaved.

 

“Fenris?” she said a little louder.

 

Still he said nothing until she finally laid a hand on his shoulder. His reaction was instantaneous. He jumped out of the chair and backed away from her so fast he knocked the chair over in the process. Clutching his arms to himself, he looked like a wounded animal ready to lash out.

 

“Don’t touch me please,” he choked out and Hawke felt herself choking up as well.

 

“Do you want me to go?” she said, trying to hold back the tears. He was pushing her away again.

 

He shook his head but said nothing, rubbing his arms with his hands vigorously as he shivered.

 

“If you want me to go I...” she said backing away slowly towards the door.

 

“I don’t want you to,” he whispered, looking up at her finally.

 

“But you don’t know how to be like this with me here?”

 

He nodded and took a deep breath, composing himself. Hawke removed her jacket and her shoes, never leaving his line of sight. He finally seemed to be breathing normally and she waited for a sign that he was ready to talk. He let out a pained sigh and held out his hand to her. She took it gently and he pulled her to him, pressing her cheek against his chest, his heart still beating fast.

 

“Don’t leave me please,” he said.

 

“I won’t; I promise.”

 

They found themselves in bed eventually with her curled up behind him. His head lay out over her arm as she stroked his hair and whispered soothing words into his ear. His body shook with silent sobs, and she knew he was crying but said nothing of it. When he rolled over to face her she stroked a finger down his cheek, wiping away the evidence of his tears. He took her hand and kissed her palm and then her wrist, then the tip of each finger.

 

“Do not remember me like this. I would hate for you to remember seeing me this way,” he whispered, kissing the callus on her thumb.

 

“I will remember tonight only as the time you didn’t push me away when I know you wanted to.”

 

“I don’t know how to let you in. I have never let anyone in.”

 

“I will be there when you are ready.”

 

“Always?”

 

“Always.”

 

***

Hawke awoke to find Fenris wrapped around her with his face pressed against her chest. His breath was even and he looked peaceful, which was a relief considering how he had looked the night before. She gently kissed the top of his head and he stirred slightly, opening his eyes.

 

“You stayed,” he said with a smile.

 

“Of course I did.”

 

“But you have a class don’t you?”

 

“I can afford to miss one. You needed me here,” she said, running her fingers through his hair, trying to not snag it on any of the knots that had built up through the night. He let out the softest of moans and nuzzled his face against the tops of her breasts. Picking his head up he pressed his lips to hers, softly at first. When her lips parted slightly he took the opportunity to run his tongue over them and into her mouth. He curled his fingers through her hair as he ran his hand to the back of her head. Gripping her hair gently, he tilted her head so he could move his lips to her neck and was thrilled at the moan it elicited from her. He bit gently on her pulse point and ran his tongue over the spot where he had laid claim.

 

“You are beautiful. Wonderful. Amazing. I am constantly. Enamored with you,” he said, kissing her in between his words. She giggled at him as a blush spread across her cheeks.

 

“Hawke,” he said quietly and she looked into his eyes, “I was three when my father died.”

 

“Fenris, you don’t have to do this now,” she said, sitting up. He followed and took her hands into his own.

 

“When I was five I lost my mother.”

 

She squeezed his hands reassuringly and let him continue at the pace he wanted.

 

“I was separated from my sister at seven.” He took a deep breath, remembering Varania and the day they were taken away from each other. “I was a problem child so when I was ten they sent me where they send all the problem children. Most of the scars on my body are from that place.”

 

“Fenris,” she said and he silenced her with a finger to her lips.

 

“I don’t want to remember those years and I don’t want you to know what they were like. I don’t want you to see me differently.”

 

“I understand.”

 

There was silence between them for a long time. Hawke ran her fingers up and down his arms and chest, tracing along the ink lines, smiling whenever it made him shiver. Letting out a contented sigh, he drew her face towards his and kissed her softly.

 

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He finally opened up...a little bit.  
> I wanted there to be evidence of past trauma, something more than had even been suggested. Hawke sees now why the past is so hard for him. He just needed a way to show her and to be in the right place to explain why. We all know there is so much more to the story especially since the 'big reveal' has not happened yet.
> 
> Anders and Fenris, I am so happy to have given them a friendship in this fic. Albeit one that involves a heavy bit of snark on their part, but still as you saw they will throw down for the other. 
> 
> Fenris Bellator, I decided to give him a Latin last name and the name I picked means Warrior. There is a story behind that and it will be revealed in time. Also Anders first name, I honestly would not even know what to call him. I always went with the idea that it was his last name since he and Hawke are both in culinary and are referred to by the last names. Maybe someday I will come up with a name I find suitable. Hopefully in time for the graduation chapter when it will be said.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Warning*  
> Here there be smut :)

Opening up to Hawke had proven much easier than he thought. She had accepted his statement of wishing to forget the past and had not pressed him further on the subject. She might have spent more days and nights with him but midterms had arrived and kept them apart once again. Spring break was only days away and she had made a point to mention several times that she was not planning on heading home. Aside from a few shifts they both promised to work at the diner, he would have her all to himself for a week, no interruptions.

 

“Mr. Bellator,” said a voice from down the hallway. He had been so lost in thoughts of her that he had apparently walked past Professor Harellan and missed his name being called. He turned swiftly and gave an apologetic smile.

 

“My apologies sir, spring break has me a bit distracted.”

 

“Big plans?”

 

“Just a week with my girlfriend sir. No worries about classes or kitchen incidents.”

 

“Ah culinary major, always hold onto those. A full stomach keeps the mind running.” His professor said with a knowing grin. “The reason I stopped you is that I have some good news for you. After looking over all the applications, I am happy to report that you are in the final running for my internship position.”

 

Fenris felt his head spin and took a step back. He was a candidate?

 

“Sir, I don’t know what to say. I’m…I’m in shock, I thought...”

 

“You thought you shouldn’t even apply and yet here you are. There will be an interview after spring break. My editor and my agent insist on interviewing all candidates, since whomever I give the position to will be assisting me with research for my book. So I am at the mercy of the people who publish my work when it comes to the final say in who will be involved.”

 

“I understand. is there anything I should bring?”

 

“That bright eager mind is more than enough. Good luck Mr. Bellator, and enjoy your much deserved vacation.”

 

Fenris stood in the hallway and fell back against the wall. When he had applied it had been with much reluctance. Aside from his work at the diner and the bookstore he had no work experience whatsoever. His foster father, whose name he would not deign to say, hadn’t exactly prepared him for the real world. That had been the point though. No one who went to that home was ever ready to venture forth and survive afterwards. He kept them leashed in so many ways; Fenris may very well have been the only one to get away. Though thanks to him that reign of terror was over. No one else would face what he had; that had been his final victory in that forgotten life.

***

 

**Bethany** _4:56pm_

Are you going home for spring break?

 

**Hawke** _4:59pm_

Wasn’t planning on it. Will be nice to actually idk spend some quality time with my boyfriend that isn’t me falling asleep.

 

**Bethany** _5:_ _02pm_

Sebastian said there’s some lovely hiking trails along the Wounded Coast, want to join us one day? Invite everyone if you want.

 

**Hawke** _5:_ _04pm_

Are you looking to avoid being alone with him? Something I should know?

 

**Bethany** _5:_ _06pm_

Really?? I have spent a lot of time alone with him. I just thought it would be nice to get everyone together.

 

**Hawke** _5:_ _08pm_

You’ve been alone with him? Do I need to have that special talk with you?

 

**Bethany** _5:_ _11pm_

I changed my mind I don’t want you to come.

 

***

 

Hawke was at his door the first morning of spring break with coffee, her laptop case, and a duffel bag still wearing her pajamas. Kissing him on the cheek she waltzed into his room and plopped down at his second desk and pulled her computer out of the case.

 

“Do I want to know what’s in the other bag?” Fenris asked taking the first sip of coffee and smiling.

 

“Enough clothes and sundries to last me a week.” she said scrolling through her emails.

 

“Going somewhere?”

 

“I have arrived at my destination.” she said turning to him with a grin. “Or would you rather spend the week sharing a twin bed with me in my dorm with Merrill?”

 

“You want to spend the week here with me?”

 

“Is that a serious question?”

 

“I just didn’t expect this is all. I mean I knew we’d be spending the week together I just.”

 

“Didn’t think to suggest that I stay here so we can spend even more time together?”

 

“I’m going to do the smart thing and shut up.”

 

“Good and after you’ve done that you can bring that sexy ass over here and kiss me.”

 

After clearing out a drawer and a spot on the desk for all she pulled out a list and began to read off to him the plans she had made for the week. They would work at the diner, Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday was pizza and game night at Varric’s, The Deep Roads Friday night, and Saturday was a hiking trip along the Wounded Coast.

 

“What about today and Sunday?” Fenris asked looking over her schedule of events.

 

“Sunday is the same as today. Spend the day watching movies and eating bad food.” She responded kissing him on the cheek.

 

She moved from the desk to the bed and started browsing through netflix while he laid down next to her.

 

“I say we find the cheesiest and most horrible horror movie we can find.” Hawke said laughing at the sigh Fenris let out.

 

“Why do I let you pick movies?”

 

“Because I’m the fun one.”

 

He let out a grunt of disagreement but let her skim through the horror movie section.

 

“Ah perfect, Candy Stripers, aliens invading Thedas and infecting teenage men.” Fenris was about to protest when he was shocked into silence watching Hawke remove her t-shirt.

 

“Ummm what are you doing?” he asked, afraid to sit up lest he assist her with removing the rest of her clothing right then and there. She looked over her shoulder at him and made a pouting face. “Let me guess, in addition to me watching this atrocity you want me to rub your shoulders as well?”

 

“That had been the idea yes.”

 

“Find a different movie and I’ll rub your shoulders, back and anything else that hurts.”

 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”

 

***

**Hawke (group text)** _12:35pm_

Hiking on Saturday with Beth and Seb?

 

**Merrill** _12:36pm_

Yes absolutely I would love that.

 

**Anders** _12:38pm_

Going to pass, I don’t do well with long walks up and downhill

 

**Isabela** _12:40pm_

I don’t do any sweaty activity that doesn’t involve the loss of clothes.

 

**Hawke** _12:42pm_

Yeah yeah yeah, you love sweaty sex.

 

**Anders** _12:45pm_

I’m all for the sweaty activities on Saturday with you though of course.

 

**Isabela** _12:49pm_

And here I thought you just came to my place to see your pussy…cat.

 

**Hawke** _12:51pm_

For fucks sake Bela you’re still in the group text!

 

**Isabela** _12:53pm_

Ummm oops?

 

**Merrill** _12:55pm_

I never understood the comparison, I mean really it doesn’t look very much like a cat.

 

***

 

The movie had been over for nearly twenty minutes but neither of them had really noticed. They were far too busy with one another to care. It had started innocently; he had been rubbing her shoulders and had progressed to rubbing her entire back. Upon discovering that her hips were very ticklish he couldn’t resist squeezing them until she squealed and flipped over trying to fight him off. The sight of her in nothing but a bra and loose pajama pants had caused him to forget everything else while he devoured her mouth with his own.

 

She relieved him of his shirt at some point and had taken advantage of the access to his bare chest to run her hands over it appreciatively. He responded in kind and found himself unable to resist cupping her breasts, still held within her bra he watched the fabric peak as her nipples hardened and nuzzled his face between them before pressing a kiss to her clavicle.

 

His groin pressed against her leg and she rocked against him desperate for some sort of friction. His teeth went from her lips, to her neck, to her ears and back to her lips again. She slid her hand down his chest and under the waistband of his sweat pants discovering to her delight that he was not wearing boxers.

 

"Mmm Hawke," he said as her fingers teased along his hips slowly. She slipped her hand inside and took his length into her hand feeling him harden from her touch. He let out an aching groan and his back arched as she ran her hand up and down slowly.

 

"Hawke we shouldn't," he said in a moment of clarity, though he did not try to remove her hand from its rather precarious yet wonderful position.

 

"I want you Fenris, please I want you," she whispered in his ear tightening her grip on him again listening to him moan. He took her hand then and pulled it away despite her protests. Sitting up swiftly, he moved to the edge of the bed and buried his face in his hands, trying to catch his breath.

 

"Fenris oh god I'm sorry," she said shuffling, her way towards him. When he didn’t dismiss her she climbed gently into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck nuzzling his cheek with her nose. “I’m such an ass please forgive me.”

 

"There’s nothing to forgive Hawke. This is my doing. I don’t know how to just let go and trust that it won’t change things between us.”

 

"I know and I’m sorry for pushing you. I said I would let you take it slow and here I am pawing at you like a cat in heat.”

 

"You think this is easy for me. Do you even know how badly I want you?" he said, tracing his fingers along her neck.

 

"I am aware. I can feel it pressing into my back," she said, wiggling, and he let out a strained moan while pulling her tighter against him.

 

"You are going to kill me if you keep doing that," he said his voice straining.

 

"I would be more than happy to give you some form of release," she said with a wicked smile as she motioned for him to lie down. He allowed her to push him back down onto the bed but stopped her as she moved her way back down to the waistband of his pants.

 

"Are you sure you want to?" he asked.

 

"Yes," she whispered and he watched as she lowered his pants down to his knees, freeing him from the confines at last. Never taking her eyes from his, she took as much of him as she could into her mouth at once. His hips bucked as he let out a desperate groan; it felt so good. She began to focus on just the tip and he thought he might break right there and then until she eased the pressure and resumed focusing her attentions on the entire length of him.

 

Her eyes met his as he looked down at her and he breathed hard at the sight. Those pale blue eyes brimmed with a desire that matched his own. She moaned around him and it was too much. One hand gripped the back of her head but did not push her down. No he simply wanted to touch her while she pleasured him. The other gripped into the sheets until he was so sure he would destroy them and then finally he felt himself reach the breaking point.

 

He might have cried out her name; he wasn't sure. All he could hear was a ringing in his ears as he spent himself inside her mouth. He felt her lips close even tighter around him as she sucked him dry and he whimpered at the sensation.

 

She smiled at him as she climbed up the bed and reached to grab a bottle of water from his bedside table. She drank too fast and ended up letting out a tiny belch.

 

“Classy,” Fenris said with a smirk, running his hand up her spine.

 

“You know me. I had my pinky up the whole time I was down there.”

 

"Come here," he said, laughing, and pulled her in for a kiss before pulling his pants back up. She curled into his chest, pressing a kiss on the three dots tattooed over his heart. He teased his fingers from her lips down to her navel and ran his thumb along the top of her pants enjoying the way it made her hips grind into him.

 

"I should very much like to return the favor," he whispered in her ear and she shuddered at the sound of his voice. Sliding down he removed her pants swiftly, causing her to gasp. He pressed a kiss to her knees and she giggled and then he heard her breath catch as he parted her legs slowly. His fingers slid under her panties and ran against her slit. Her eyes closed as she let out a pleased moan. She was already wet for him and he savored the sounds she made as he sucked on her hip bones while sliding her panties off and tossing them off the bed. She raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged, not caring where her clothes went only that they were off.

 

"Fenris," she whispered and he pressed his lips to her mound and let his tongue slide its way to her center. She gasped and her back arched as her hands ran over her chest. He grasped the front of her bra and pulled her into a sitting position. He deftly reached his hand behind her back and unhooked her bra, pulling it off as she fell back onto the pillows.

 

"Someone's had practice." She said with a slight laugh that turned to a breathy moan as his hand came up to curl over her breast. His fingers gently teasing her nipple until it became hard under his touch. Working his tongue against her he could feel her tension rising the closer he brought her to climax. Slipping a finger inside he found the spot he knew would send her spiraling and couldn’t help but smile as her hands gripped into his hair. She screamed out his name as he coaxed her over the edge with his tongue and fingers, relishing the sound.

 

He ran his lips up her body as she shivered coming down from her peak and ran his tongue over her nipple before biting down gently. She grasped him under the chin and pulled him to kiss him long and hard, letting her tongue slide into his mouth. Their kissing left them breathless again and he contented himself with laying his head on her stomach and tracing small circles over her skin.

 

“Fen?”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Not that I don’t enjoy laying here with you, but I am very much naked.”

 

“Indeed you are.”

 

“Yes well I think we’d like to avoid the uh temptation to do other things again.”

 

“Mmm fair enough I suppose. Though I do have one request.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Panties and t-shirt, nothing else.”

 

“As you wish.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally posted smut! Actual involved smut!  
> No really writing smut is hard, keeping track of who's hand is where and seriously there are only so many ways to describe lips without sounding ridiculous. I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> Thanks as always to broody and emma for your beta and edits :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Isabela** _3:45pm_

Its spring break and you’re working? I swear you two are just as bad as Anders.

 

**Hawke** _3:47pm_

But we’re together, see the difference?

 

**Isabela** _3:49pm_

Ugh you’re going to make me sick with the sweetness.

 

**Hawke** _3:51pm_

Oh just admit it, you’re jealous there’s no one to give you smooches when you’re at work

 

**Isabela** _3:53pm_

If I had a honey at work chances are I’d be getting more than smooches

 

**Hawke** _3:56pm_

Idk why anything you say surprises me anymore.

 

**Isabela** _3:58pm_

Its like you don’t even know me.

 

 

Fenris heard Hawke curse quietly to herself in the kitchen and went to the window to look in. He saw her pressing a towel to her left hand and there was blood on the cutting board. He went into immediate panic mode and ran into the kitchen to help her, nearly knocking Elle over on the way.

 

“Where’s the first aid kit?” he yelled while grabbing for Hawke’s hand. She gave him an exasperated look while keeping her the towel wrapped over her injury.

 

“Fenris stop.”

 

“You’re bleeding.”

 

“Yes that’s what thumbs do when you cut them.”

 

“Let me see it, did it hit the bone? Did you lose part of it?” he said, still trying to see the damage.

 

“Fenris back off!” she yelled, and he dropped his hands to his sides. Shaking her head, she went over to the wash sink and gently pulled the towel away from her hand. The knife hadn’t been sharp enough to cut through the carrots she had been chopping, and she nipped the tip of her thumb. The cut wasn’t too deep but that didn’t stop Fenris from continuing to hover watching. “I’m going to make you leave if you don’t take at least two more steps back.”

 

“It won’t stop bleeding,” he said fretfully.

 

“Fingers tend to bleed a lot trust me, this isn’t my first cut and it’s not going to be my last.”

 

“You should be more careful.” Fenris ignored her protests and took her towards the first aid kit. He cleaned her cut and shook his head when she winced at the antiseptic. “I don’t care how many cuts or burns you get, I’m going to want to take care of you.”

 

“Then you made a mistake dating a culinary student.”

 

“No mistakes were made the night I asked you out, trust me I had a list.”

 

“Somehow that does not surprise me.”

 

“All right love birds can we get back to work,” Elle said, interrupting them, gesturing to the customers waiting to be served.

 

“Sorry Elle, I guess Fenris is new to the idea that I am a human being who can bleed.”

 

“It’s a guy thing, should have seen Rickard the first time I burned my hand. You would have thought I had dipped it hot oil the way he tended to it.”

 

“Those were second degree burns Elle,” Rickard said coming in from the back room upon hearing his name.

 

Elle shook her head and shared a knowing look with Hawke.

 

“They’ll never stop trying to be the hero, may as well enjoy the attention.”

 

The rest of the shift went by without any further incidents, and Hawke was able to convince Fenris that he didn’t need to go online and buy her a special cutting glove to wear in the future. She regretted showing him the various burns and cuts she had managed to acquire; it only seemed to fuel him more. Kissing him, however, proved to be a handy distraction and when she threatened to stop he finally relented in his ridiculous pursuit of her future safety.

 

Thankfully, their second day at the diner proved to be slow enough that Elle decided to send them home early and they took advantage of the sudden influx of free time to take a walk around the city together. They stopped in to visit Dorothea and had tea; Hawke left with a bag of old cookbooks that, despite her insistence otherwise, were free of charge.

 

“No ones going to buy these ones with there being so many new editions,” Dorothea said, though Hawke knew at least one of them was a rare edition that had to be worth quite a lot. Fenris chuckled and gently guided her out of the store before she could throw her wallet into the register.

“Its no use, she won’t let you pay for it. That’s her way of saying she likes you,” Fenris said as they walked down the street.

 

“How does she keep that place running if she gives away highly valuable books like that?”

 

“From what I can tell she is well off. She had a wild life when she was younger and never settled down. She told me when she finally thought to do it she realized there was no greater love than books in her life. So she opened up the shop and has been there for years.”

 

“How did you meet her?”

 

“I saw a notice in her store window looking for stock help. She hired me on the spot and gave me a weeks advance pay when she learned that I was working to get myself through school. She’s become the grandmother I never had.”

 

“You always make it seem like you’re no good at making friends, that you are the lone wolf. Yet you don’t even seem to realize the many people in your life. Dorothea and the Gents being your staunchest allies,” Hawke said linking her arm with his.

 

Fenris chuckled and Hawke narrowed her eyes at him.

 

“What was funny about that?”

 

“You called me a lone wolf. My name, Fenris, means little wolf. I find it quite funny that you see fit to compare me to one.”

 

“Hmmm well that explains quite a bit.”

 

“Do I detect a snarky joke coming on?”

 

“I could say something about the big bad wolf coming to eat me, but that would be crass and far below the upbringing that my mother so dutifully bestowed upon me.”

 

Fenris laughed loud and heartily at that and brought her hand up to his to kiss it. As the reached Hightown Fenris steered her towards Sirens Call.

 

“I was thinking coffee and a walk around the park.”

 

“That sounds perfect.”

 

Most of their walk was silent. Not due to a lack of having anything to talk about; they were simply enjoying the silence that came with enjoying the person you were with. The March weather had indeed come in like a lion and was leaving like a gentle lamb. The once barren trees were beginning to flower and occasionally they found themselves covered in fallen petals. One flower bloomed too early and, sailing along the breeze, was plucked from the air by Fenris and gently placed in Hawke’s hair. She blushed and tipped her head up for a kiss, laughing as they were blown together by a sudden wind.

 

“Can I show you one of my favorite houses in Kirkwall?” he asked. She took his arm again in agreement and he led them towards a very stately neighborhood. This was obviously the area of Hightown where money was of no object to some. Many of the houses looked to be as old as the city itself. Others still showed vestiges of their former selves yet had been overtaken with modern amenities. Fenris commented that he was never a fan of seeing such wonderful architecture ruined by the modern world. Turning a corner he finally directed her to the house he was leading them to.

 

It was a large stately Victorian, set far back from the street with what must have been a very lovely front yard when it had been tended to properly. The red painted wood was accented with black trim, a wrap around porch with a bench swing that had seen better days, and the signature hexagonal tower featured floor to ceiling windows on the bottom floor. It was beautiful and it was all but abandoned.

 

“First time I saw this house I fell in love with it. Everything about it is so amazing to look at. I’ve yet to venture any further though to see it from all sides. But from what I can tell the back yard is just as large as the front. If you look you can see a path leading back there, there a trellis but the vines have all but taken over. Much like the rest of the house.” Fenris said with certain bitterness in his voice, Hawke remained silent beside him gazing at the house in front of her.

 

“It pains me to think that anyone could have let this go. If I had even a dream of the money it would cost to own this house I would. But from what I can tell it’s never going up for sale. Family that owned it was here since pretty much the founding of the city. I haven’t gone so far as to find out their names or more information on the matter. Don’t want to drive myself insane thinking that the people who let this happen are out there.”

 

“Yeah, sad to think that no one would want to keep this home. So many families must have lived there.” Hawke said for lack of anything to contribute. The house stood in front of her as a testament to the old money that built the city. To the people who allowed that money to cloud their judgments and to cause them to see themselves above all others. She was thankful that Fenris had not looked further into the owners of the home. That he had not ventured closer and saw the name ‘Amell’ proudly declared on the plaque next to the front door. Because were he to look into it he would soon find that the person who owned this house was standing right next to him.

 

She had seen it in pictures of course. Her mother had always been happy to talk about her childhood home. Of the many memories she had there. But even after nearly three years in Kirkwall Hawke never once ventured out to find it. Not even after ownership had been transferred to her. She paid a small amount every month to have someone come clean it, landscapers to stop the lawn from becoming completely overgrown, and an inspector to make sure the old wires and pipes didn’t burst or catch fire. Yet she had never once gazed upon the legacy that was her mother’s family. Seeing it now brought her mixed feelings: ones of sadness that her grandparents had allowed themselves to forget their only daughter, and shame. Shame that she now allowed her own feelings to do the same to what must have been a beautiful home when it was truly cared for.

 

“Are you all right?” Fenris asked, sensing the tension she was failing to hide from him.

 

“Yeah, just tired, we’ve done a lot of walking.”

 

“Let’s get back to my dorm then. We’ll get warm, maybe have a shower…” he trailed off at the end, and his subtle flirting brought a smile to her face.

 

“You just want to see me naked again,” she said, bumping her hip into his.

 

***

 

Thursday night had gone from friendly game night at Varric’s to all out war. It had begun innocently enough, with Anders claiming he needed to regain his honor from the loss of most of his clothes the last time he had played strip poker against Fenris. That comment caused all of them to make bets and wagers against one another in a variety of different games. In the end, everyone blamed Varric for having so many options for them to go against each other in.

 

When the dust finally settled, there was no clear overall winner. Isabela was declared Queen of Wicked Grace, though Varric came damn near close to defeating her. Fenris had proven that no one could beat him in pool, not even Anders who thought that perhaps the student could defeat the teacher. Merrill turned out to be vicious in Tetris and even resorted to taunting her opponents as she stacked row after row onto their already jumbled boards. Anders had accepted his Street Fighter victory with enough pomp and boasting to have several pillows thrown at his head.

 

Hawke had kept silent during most of the battles and accepted her losses with dignity and grace, saving her energy for the game she knew no one could defeat her in: poker. Malcolm Hawke had taught his daughter to play poker as soon as she understood what all the suits were. She had been playing it for so many years she could almost guess what potential hand someone had simply based on the bet they were willing to make. Anders had refused to resort to strip poker again and was thankful because after only five hands Hawke had cleaned him out completely. It finally came down to her and Fenris when everyone else folded out to watch them go at it.

 

“You think you’re good, but I know your eyes Hawke, I can tell when you’re bluffing.” Fenris said not taking his eyes of his cards.

 

“Can you, and yet it took you how many months to figure out that I liked you back?” Hawke said with a straight face and did her best to hold back laughter at seeing the shocked look on his.

“I knew, sort of,” Fenris said with a lack of conviction that finally sent Hawke over the edge into fits of giggles. “Fuck it I fold, there’s no way I can win this hand.”

 

He laid out his cards to show a three of a kind and Hawke stood up and cheered, waving her two pairs like a victory flag. She had out bluffed him and he shook his head, letting out a sigh.

 

“Fasta vass,” he said, and was rewarded with Hawke in his lap peppering his face with condolence kisses. He ignored the groaning from everyone else and cupped her under the chin to bring her closer for a much deeper kiss, nibbling at her bottom lip. “Enjoy your victory…for now.”

 

***

 

Hawke and Fenris were awoken early the next morning by a loud banging on his door.

 

“Campus security open up!”

 

“What did you do?” Hawke mouthed quietly to Fenris, pulling on a pair of pajama pants.

 

“I don’t know!” he mouthed back, pulling on pants as well. He walked to the door quickly and hesitated when he heard a feminine giggle from the other side. Sharing a confused look with Hawke he opened the door slowly and was surprised to find Merrill and Carver on the other side.

 

“Carver what the fuck?” Hawke yelled, running to tackle him. He caught her in mid air and locked her into a back breaking bear hug. “Holy shit when did you get so strong?”

 

“Army muscles. I’m strong like bear.”

 

“Dumb like ox too. What are you doing here?”

 

“I got leave for the weekend and I thought I would come up here and actually get to spend some time with my sisters. Also to interrogate their boyfriends.” He said giving Fenris a stink eye.

 

“Good to see you again,” Fenris said reaching out to shake his hand. Carver pulled him into a hug that left him gasping for air. “No more handshakes, Hawkes hug.”

 

“Really, I hadn’t noticed,” he said with a wry smile, dodging a punch from Hawke.

 

“Now dear sister, what are you willing to do to ensure I don’t tell mom you’ve been having a week long slumber party with him?” Carver said with a voice of triumph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy fun times and over protective Fenris, these are a few of my favorite things.  
> Honestly this chapter was written rather fast considering I had very little inspiration for what to put in it.
> 
> Hawke needs to keep the house a secret now, she's ashamed of what she's done.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hawke** _8:35am_

Hey come to Lowtown diner for breakfast with Fenris, Merrill and me. Bring seb.

 

**Bethany** _8:37am_

All right sounds like fun.

 

**Bethany** _9:_ _03am_

Taking the cab now, we’ll be there in ten minutes.

 

“She’ll be here in ten minutes.” Hawke said, checking her messages. Carver, surprisingly, had only requested that Bethany not know he was in town. “I’m amazed that is all you are asking of me to keep your mouth shut.”

 

“I know better than to try and wrangle much out of you for my silence. You know far too many embarrassing stories about me, somehow I know if I did tell mom you’d enact a revenge I might not recover from,” Carver said as they sat down at the table.

 

“Now I want to know the stories,” Merrill commented.

 

“Stick around my family long enough and I’m sure you will hear plenty of them. Did my sister ever tell you about the time she nearly broke my nose?”

 

“Carver come on, I was ten years old and you were always underfoot,” Hawke said with a groan.

 

“Ooh tell me I have to know now,” Merrill said excitedly putting her chin on her palms staring at Carver expectantly.

 

“I second that request,” Fenris said, biting back a smirk when Hawke glared at him.

 

“My sister loved to climb trees when we were younger, father used to call her Squirrel. I naturally wanted to as well but being shorter than her I could never quite reach the branches, yes indeed there was a time when I didn’t tower over her and everyone else.”

 

“You hit six feet when you were thirteen Carver, I can barely remember a time when you were smaller than me,” Hawke interjected.

 

“So there we were and once again, my sister was climbing a tree and leaving me down below to try and figure out how to follow her. She of course ignored me completely and set about swinging from a branch like she was some sort of monkey. I finally managed to get about halfway up when…bam her foot collided with the back of my head smacked me face first into the tree.”

 

“Oh goodness,” Merrill said bringing her hands to her face. “Were you all right?”

 

“Other than having a bloody nose and being coddled by my mother for hours I was fine. Marian on the other hand was berated for hours by our father and was told pretty much there would be no more tree climbing for her. Which she didn’t, for about a week, until one day when father came home and caught her up there…with me.”

 

“I taught him to climb because I thought that if we were both doing it there would be less of a chance of me kicking him again. Father didn’t see it that way; I think we were grounded for nearly a month.”

 

“Yet somehow that didn’t stop either of you until father threatened to cut down every tree in the yard,” Bethany said walking up behind them and wrapping her arms around her brother. “I knew it had to be you.”

 

“Damn it, how?”

 

“Because Marian told me she was going to laze about every morning with Fenris and not give a damn about what she ate. What other reason would there be for her to suddenly decide that she wants to eat an actual breakfast and invite me?”

 

“I resent the notion that my own sister thinks I need an excuse to invite her to come out for breakfast.” Hawke said with her arms folded turning her head away from the kiss Bethany planted on her cheek.

 

“The two of you always seem to forget that I’m the smart one out of all three of us. Middle child you know, always forgotten until someone realizes they know all the tricks and secrets.” Bethany said as she and Sebastian sat down.

 

“You’re the middle child by minutes Beth,” Carver protested.

 

“Ah and the things I learned in those minutes.”

 

“Is anyone else watching this in amazement or is it just me?” Merrill said, blushing at the laughs her statement garnered from everyone at the table.

 

***

 

Hawke snagged Merrill later in the afternoon for a quick talk about the sleeping arrangements for the rest of the weekend while they walked around the park.

 

“So you’re fine with Carver crashing in my bed?”

 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Merrill asked puzzled at the question.

 

“Well for starters he’s my brother, and I think he might have a crush on you.”

 

“What in the world gave you that idea?” Merrill said in shock.

 

“Well a few weeks ago he asked about you and Krem and if you were all right.”

 

“Yeah because I texted him instead of you by mistake the night we broke up. That’s why you didn’t hear about it until the next day. I realized after I messaged him that really I wasn’t all that upset and decided not to bother you after all.”

 

“Oh, well that puts things in a different perspective I guess,” Hawke said, running her hand through her hair. She was actually embarrassed that the thought had even been in her head.

 

“Also explains the weird text telling me I wasn’t allowed to date him. Hawke that was never even a thought, he’s your brother not to mention look at how tall he is. I’d break my neck trying to kiss him.”

 

“Stop there before you put the image in my head,” Hawke said throwing her hands up.

 

“What image?” Carver asked, coming towards them.

 

“Nothing at all. So we had a plan in place for tonight and tomorrow and…”

 

“Deep Roads tonight and hiking tomorrow,” Carver interrupted and she gave him a puzzled look. “Merrill told me earlier this week when I messaged her about coming up.”

 

“You knew he was coming?” Hawke asked, turning to Merrill who didn’t even try to hide her smile.

 

“He wanted to surprise you. So I told him what our plans were for the week.”

 

“Why so late though? We’ve been off all week I could have changed plans to include you.”

 

“I had to spend a little time with Peaches, she’s a bit put out that I didn’t invite her to join me here though. But I know Beth doesn’t like her and I didn’t feel like shelling out the cash for a hotel room.”

 

“I never said I didn’t like Peaches. I just dislike the fact that the main reason she is dating you is for your looks,” Bethany said indignantly.

 

“She never said that.”

 

“Not where you could hear her. Trust me I heard enough to tell me that she is as vapid as I always thought her to be.”

 

“Let’s change the subject!” Hawke said loudly and grabbed onto her sister’s hand, dragging her away from their brother. “Look there’s an ice cream stand we should go get some.”

 

Carver went chasing after them leaving Fenris, Sebastian, and Merrill looking at each other and laughing.

 

***

 

After dinner they made their way back to the dorms to get changed for the club. Hawke was swiftly grabbed by Fenris as soon as the door was shut, and shoved up against the wall. He kissed her furiously and she hooked her leg up around his waist, drawing him in closer.

 

“I have wanted to kiss you all day,” he said before sliding his tongue across her lower lip.

 

“Why didn’t you?”

 

“Because your brother was always there and the longer I put off kissing you the more I wanted to do it.”

 

“You know I would so love to give you crap for being afraid to kiss me in front of my brother, but the results are quite pleasant.”

 

He gave her wicked grin before hiking her legs up to wrap around his waist as he carried her to the bed. They both managed to kick their shoes off before collapsing on the bed together in a tangle of limbs.

 

“Fenris,” Hawke murmured as he pulled off her shirt and pressed his lips to her navel.

 

“Yes?” he said as his fingers began to work at the buttons on her shorts.

 

“Not that I don’t enjoy your enthusiasm, we really don’t have much time. I still need to shower.”

 

“I know, why do you think I’m getting you naked?” he said, pulling her shorts off.

 

“Are you going to actually join me this time? Because I rushed back here with you on Wednesday in hopes of fun times in the shower and you let me down,” she said with an accusing tone.

 

“You look adorable when you pout,” he said, kissing her softly as he snaked his arm behind her, unhooking her bra in the process. She wrapped an arm over her chest and slid away from him.

 

“Nuh uh, you don’t get a show unless you join me,” she kept her back to him and grabbed her towel to wrap around herself. Glancing back over her shoulder, she grinned at him and crooked her head towards the door. “So shall we move on to the showers then?”

 

***

 

**Bethany** _9:45pm_

Hey where are you? we’re outside the dorms.

 

**Hawke** _9:47pm_

Almost ready just gotta finish my makeup

 

**Bethany** _9:49pm_

How are you still not done? You had 2 hours.

 

**Hawke** _9:51pm_

Shower took a little longer than planned…I had company

 

***

 

The Deep Roads was in full swing when they arrived, and Carver took the dance floor like he was made for it. After a few songs, Hawke cornered him at the bar while he ordered water.

 

“Since when do you like this kind of music?” she asked.

 

“Since you left your mix cds at home and I needed something to work out to.”

 

“Holy shit Carver we actually have something in common!”

 

“I know, try not to get too excited otherwise we might forget to be rivals.”

 

Later in the evening Carver and Merrill found themselves together on the dance floor, and she happily took his offered hand.

 

“So apparently your sister thinks you have a bit of a crush on me,” Merrill said as they danced.

 

“What?” he said, taken aback.

 

“My thoughts exactly, such a silly thing for her to have gotten into her head.”

 

“Well I mean, I do like you,” Carver said with tilting his head and smiling.

 

“You do?”

 

“Well sure, you’re funny and smart. You don’t act like many girls I’ve met before.”

 

“Is that a compliment?”

 

“I was supposed to be. Listen my sister has had really bad luck when it comes to friends. I’ve seen her get hurt a lot by people over the years. When she came home the first summer from college and raved about you I was worried. I’m her little brother, but I’m her only brother so I get to be protective. I know that no matter what happens you will always be there for her.”

 

“So you like me because I’m good to your sister?”

 

“Wow did it sound as bad coming out of my mouth as it did in my head.”

 

“Want to start over?”

 

“Merrill, you are awesome and if I wasn’t dating Peaches and you weren’t best friends with my sister I would probably find some reason to ask you out…poorly.”

 

“If you weren’t so tall I would kiss you.”

 

Hawke watched her brother dance with Merrill and smiled. They actually made a really cute couple. Too bad she would kill him if he ever made a move on her. She was pulled out of her thoughts when she felt Fenris pull up next to her and ghost his lips against her throat.

 

“Have I mentioned to you how much I love seeing you in that corset?” Fenris said, his voice low and sultry against her ear. She bit her lip and smiled, leaning towards him.

 

“You might have mentioned it before. I wore it the night you asked me out.”

 

“I know, but I like it on you tonight even more.”

 

“Mmmm why is that?”

 

“Because tonight I get to be the one who removes it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate hate hate writing segue chapters and this chapter despite my best intentions ended up being just that. I know they serve their purpose and really its not a bad one...I hope. I just get little to no inspiration when I write them. That combined with the fact that myself and two of my dear skype friends have joined forces to create a megafic, left me with little energy to pour into this. But I persevered and can now move onto some of the major plot points I have planned for our ragged band of misfits.
> 
> Special thanks as always to Broody and Emma for beta and cheers, and to my skype group for never failing to oooh and aaah over the snippets I share.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hawke** _9:_ _12am_

Do not I repeat do not bring any sort of disposable water bottles. Merrill has portable ones for everybody.

 

**Bethany** _9:14am_

I still have the one she got me for Christmas.

 

**Hawke** _9:16am_

Oh good at least one of us managed to hold onto one.

 

**Bethany** _9:19am_

Let me guess you left it somewhere and can’t remember exactly where that might be.

 

**Hawke** _9:21am_

No I know that I left it in class, just can’t remember which one.

 

***

 

“I know there is a swimming area along the cliff side of the coast. I just can’t seem to find the trail that leads to it,” Sebastian said, poring over the map they’d grabbed when they set out along the hiking trail. The Wounded Coast bordered along a nature reserve and featured trails for the novice and the expert. They were currently traveling along one of the trails designated for moderate level hiking and were trying to find the off shoot that would lead them to the beach.

 

“We need to take the trail along the Injured Cliffs to the Limping Hills and then we’ll find the beach along Massive-Head-Trauma Bay,” Hawke said nonchalantly and hoped she was managing to keep a straight face. Sebastian stared at the map with a puzzled expression until finally looking up at her. She burst out laughing when she realized he had taken her statement seriously.

 

“Marian you are awful,” Bethany said, taking the map away from Sebastian and checking for their location.

 

“No, the fault is mine for not catching the joke sooner,” Sebastian replied with a light chuckle. Bethany studied the map for a moment and found the path they were looking for. After a twenty minute hike they found the trail leading down the cliffs to the swimming area along the coast. The girls squealed and stripped down to their swimsuits and took off for the open water leaving the men behind them to pick up their clothes.

 

“Do we follow them or just leave them to what I can only assume will be ‘girl time’?” Sebastian asked Fenris and Carver.

 

“Definitely leave them be for a bit, I know my sisters, they’ll need a good twenty minutes alone before any conversation can be understood by our ears.”

 

They pulled out the blankets and towels from their packs and laid them out for when the girls returned. Fenris pulled out a book and settled himself down to read occasionally answering questions when they were asked of him.

 

“So Sebastian, now that I have you alone let’s talk about your intentions for my sister,” Carver said with mirth in his voice.

 

“Dare I ask if Fenris was given the same interrogation as well?”

 

“Fenris was friends with Marian before dating her, also he kicked my ass in Mortal Kombat, and you don’t interrogate a guy who can beat you no matter what character you decide to play.”

 

“Damn straight,” Fenris said quietly.

 

***

 

Hawke, Bethany and Merrill swam out to an outcrop of rocks and pulled themselves up onto them to bask in the afternoon sun.

 

“So Marian you and Fenris were quite the sight last night,” Bethany said with a giggle.

 

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

 

“You couldn’t keep your hands off each other, not to mention it looked like he was going to rip that corset off of you before you even got out of the cab.”

 

“He didn’t rip it off; he was a gentleman and removed it…very slowly.”

 

“How was it? Was it everything you thought it would be?” Merrill asked excitedly.

 

“We didn’t actually do that or rather we haven’t at all,” Hawke said with a sigh.

 

“So that text about being distracted in the showers…” Bethany remarked.

 

“Absolutely true, he was in the shower with me but we didn’t do…it.”

 

“I am so confused,” Merrill said shaking her head.

 

“Fenris is conflicted when it comes to sex. He’s worried that us having sex will change things, emotionally that is. Not that it hasn’t stopped him from driving me up the wall crazy with lust. But it never goes beyond us touching one another in very intimate ways. Also I am suddenly aware that I am having this conversation with my little sister.”

 

“Oh please I am not a virgin Marian; this isn’t anything I don’t already know about.”

 

“You and Sebastian?”

 

“No, I was seventeen and it was over the summer with Barlin’s nephew. The one who came to visit for a few weeks and he asked me to keep him company. Well I did a bit more than that.”

 

“So for the sake of the only single one here please tell me if you didn’t ‘do it’ in the shower. What did you do that had you so distracted?” Merrill chimed in.

 

“Would you care for a brief play by play or do you want to full detailed synopsis?”

 

“As if you have to ask.”

 

“It really started out so nice and sweet, we were naked of course and he washed me. I kid you not he ran the loofah over every part of me, didn’t even bat an eye when I nearly kicked him for running it over my feet. Honestly I’m not sure how clean we got since half the time we were just a soapy mess kissing each other. But then he did the most glorious thing. He washed my hair and oh god his nails across my scalp, I swear I nearly melted. One thing led to another and suddenly he just dropped down and…”

 

They were suddenly soaked as a high wave came crashing over them like an ice cold shower. Merrill jumped up, screaming and shivering.

 

“This is what I get for thinking lusty thoughts!” she yelled. “You were right at the good part too.”

 

***

 

Fenris woke up on Sunday morning with a deep ache in his legs. The hours of hiking had left every muscle in his body begging for rest. He rolled over and smiled seeing Hawke there next to him, her black hair fanned out on the pillow. He could see slight tan lines on her shoulders and he reached out to pull her towards him, nuzzling against the back of her neck.

 

“Good morning beautiful,” he whispered and she sighed and shuffled herself closer to him.

 

“No,” she muttered and tried burying her face in the pillow. “Don’t tell me its morning.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because that means I have to go back to my own room tomorrow and I don’t get to wake up like this again,” she said rolling over to face him. She ran her fingers up his arm and stroked his cheek softly.

 

“You could always spend a few nights here if you wanted to. I have enjoyed having you here with me,” he replied, running his lips across her forehead.

 

“I can guarantee we will both end up failing a class or two if I was here all the time. We’d be quite distracted.”

 

“Well then let’s make the most of today then. You said movies and bad food?”

 

“Yes, I refuse to eat anything that hasn’t been delivered to me by some underpaid teenager. It’s a pity the diner doesn’t deliver though; I would kill for one of Rickard’s omelets.”

 

“What if I took the place of the underpaid teenager and went and picked it up?”

 

“Fenris that’s a twenty minute walk.”

 

“I’ll take a cab back.”

 

“I have a better idea. We’ll order something to keep us filled and happy for the majority of the day. Then later we’ll take a nice walk down there and have breakfast for dinner, a sort of reliving of our first ‘not date’, how does that sound?”

 

“A tempting offer. Tell me something, what made you say yes to me that day?”

 

“To having dinner with you? How else was I going to get you to realize I was only wearing a towel?”

 

Fenris blushed at the memory and Hawke giggled. She sat up and straddled across his lap. He ran his hands up her legs and teased his fingers along her hips. She sighed as he ran his hands up her abdomen, sliding them under her tank top.

 

“I like you wearing this much more.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“Mmm yes.”

 

“I’m not convinced; you’ll have to show me.”

 

“Always a pleasure.”

 

***

 

Fenris was unable to sleep that night. He couldn’t tell if it was a result of not having her there with him, or the nervousness of the impeding interview the next day. He had barely thought of it all week, Hawke had been a wonderful distraction. But now without her there and only his thoughts to keep him company, he agonized over the idea of being scrutinized. He was a twenty four year old high school drop out with a past. That was bound to come up in the course of the interview. He did not relish the idea of having to explain his lack of experience to a complete stranger.

 

The next day Fenris arrived for his interview twenty minutes early. He wanted to make sure he was not only on time, but wanted to also give himself time to prepare mentally for what he expected to be a grueling experience. He was about to sit down when the door burst open and a somewhat familiar face came out. What was his name? Jowan, that was it, they had a few classes together.

 

“Jowan?” Fenris asked hesitantly, and was aghast at seeing the expression that he was met with. Jowan was red faced and had been visibly crying. “My god what happened?”

 

“They’re relentless, horrible; sneaky witches the both of them.”

 

“The interviewers? Professor said they were his agent and editor.”

 

“Oh they are and they take their jobs very seriously, which I am sure they will tell you just as many times as they did to me. I hope you have been a perfect and upstanding citizen Fenris, because if you got so much as a parking ticket they will know.”

 

“What did they say to you? Are you all right?”

 

“I plagiarized a paper back in high school. It was one of my father’s old college papers and I didn’t think anyone would find out, I wasn’t even punished; they gave me a warning to never do anything like that again. I don’t know how they found out.”

 

Fenris watched Jowan walk away without another word and sat down on the bench next to the classroom where the interviews were being held. There were raised voices coming from inside and even though he wasn’t trying to eavesdrop eventually he couldn’t ignore what he was hearing.

 

“I swear I am going to end up having to cancel this entire tour if you two don’t stop scaring away every single candidate. I need a research assistant and I am not hiring someone the firm selects this time. I want to choose my own assistants as I did before you two decided to get involved.” The professor’s voice was tinged with annoyance.

 

“Need I remind you that we got involved when your former assistant got a little too close and you nearly missed your deadline?” a woman’s voice answered, full of disdain.

 

“Am I not allowed a personal life? Am I not entitled to have emotions?”

 

“Not when they interfere with your work, no.”

 

“I finally understand why I’ve never met Kieran’s father, I doubt he stuck around.”

 

“Careful Solas, you may be my client but Morrigan is still my daughter and your editor, need I remind you,” the second woman in the room added her voice to the argument. She sounded older and though she was giving a warning, it didn’t seem to be delivered with malice.

 

“Why should I need to be reminded? You’ve let every single person who has walked into this room know that very fact several times over.”

 

“They should be aware of who is in charge so they don’t get any foolish notions,” the first woman spoke again, her voice growing louder.

 

“I refuse to continue giving this argument any more of my time or energy. Will you please cut back on the interrogations, especially for the next interview please?”

 

“Ah yes, Fenris Bellator, the ghost.”

 

Fenris felt his spine tingle at the tone of voice being used. What had she found?

 

“Do I even want to know why you are referring to him as such?”

 

“Because he doesn’t exist before age eighteen. Fenris Bellator appeared in the world when he was a legal adult and no record of him being born or existing beforehand can be found.”

 

“So what you are saying is that there is someone who exists in this world that not even you can dig up information on.”

 

“Of course that is the direction you would go in. What I am saying is that your prized pupil and your so called first choice, is hiding something.”

 

“We all have secrets Morrigan; I think you’re just upset that you couldn’t find his.”

 

“Leliana has never failed to bring me a full background check on anyone, ever. Mother and I both think you should not be present for this interview. We do not think you are seeing things clearly in regards to this particular candidate. His resume leaves much to be desired, a bookstore and a diner; this is what you give to us as your first choice?”

 

“Fenris is my best student, his love and passion for literature may very well be stronger than my own. I have not had a student like him since…” Professor Harellan trailed off then. “I realize now that I may very well be harming his chances by bringing that up.”

 

“That decision has yet to be made Solas. I am more than willing to give this young man a full and fair interview. I am also willing to give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to his lack of a background. However I would ask that you refrain from speaking during the interview Solas. Your presence here is trouble enough when you do not allow Morrigan and I to question as we see fit.”

 

“I will not allow Morrigan to belittle him like she did the last one.”

 

“He was weak and folded too quickly. He would never have survived the position. I stand firm in my actions.”

 

“Quiet the both of you, I daresay the young man is probably already outside. I do hope he hasn’t been present for this despicable display of bickering between the two of you.”

 

Fenris swallowed hard when the door was opened and Professor Harellan greeted him. His knees felt weak as he entered the room and was introduced to the two women who were no doubt planning to flay him with their words alone.

 

“Fenris allow me to introduce you to Flemeth and Morrigan Wilds.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Fenris, he's not quite ready for whats about to happen.


	16. Chapter 16

Anyone looking at Flemeth and Morrigan Wilds would be able to tell you they were mother and daughter. Identical yellow eyes bored into him, identical mouths pressed into an emotionless expression, and both of them with the same look of a predator sizing up its target. He wished he had not heard the conversation between them and the professor. Knowing that he was the first choice put more pressure on him than he already felt.

 

“Fenris Bellator,” he said, extending his hand out to the older woman. Her eyes widened as she shook his hand and he noticed her grip was firm but not overly so. Morrigan did not return his gesture, instead she pointed to the chair that had been set up in front of the table they were seated at. He wondered if she had purposely placed it so that he would have to look directly at her rather than her mother or Professor Harellan.

 

“Mr. Bellator, let’s discuss why you think you would be the right choice for this internship.”

 

***

 

**Hawke** _10:15am_

Hey my class got canceled, I guess the professor forgot spring break was over, what are you up to?

 

**Hawke** _10:35am_

I guess you're busy or did you forget classes started again too?

 

**Hawke** _10:45am_

All right I did the silly girlfriend thing and knocked on your door, did you have something scheduled today that you forgot to tell me about?

 

***

 

Morrigan was ceaseless in her questioning. Thus far he had managed to avoid going into any details about his past. Years of practice had taught him to answer questions without needing to explain further. Yet she kept coming back to the issue of his lack of background and no matter how he diverted the conversation she always managed to come back to it.

 

“Mr. Bellator, I’m beginning to grow tired of your evasiveness. I have tried to be tactful about this but I see now that bluntness may very well be the only way I will get my answers. Why am I unable to find any information about you from before you reached legal age?”

 

“Because I changed my name when I turned eighteen.”

 

“And the reason for this is?”

 

“Because I didn’t want to be who I was anymore. I grew up in foster care; it was…a very unpleasant experience.”

 

“Morrigan, I believe he has told you what you need to know. There is no need to…” Professor Harellan finally spoke up but was silenced with a gesture from Morrigan.

 

“Mr. Bellator, enlighten me as to why you chose to take on a new identity and why you did not inform us of this before I had to ask you question after question to finally get to the truth.”

 

He looked down at his hands again and noticed the red bandage on his left pointer finger. He had tripped on the pavement when they had come home from the diner the night before and scraped his knuckle when he fell. Hawke had made a big deal about tending to it for him; revenge no doubt for his over reaction to her kitchen mishap. The cut had barely bled yet she insisted on patching him up with her personal supply of red band aids, kissing the injury when she was finished and smiling at him in that way that made his heart ache with joy. 

 

He had someone in his life who loved him for all he was, including his flaws. Someone who looked at him and saw more than he had ever given himself credit for. He took a deep breath and thought of her smile, her laugh, and the way she looked at him when he kissed her softly. Hawke believed in him and now it was time that he let himself do so too.

 

“You may or may not be aware, Ms. Wilds, but foster parents receive money for the children they take in. Until they turn eighteen that is. So how do you continue to make money off these children? By making sure they can’t survive without you. By forcing them to live in fear of the day they have to leave. To make them think that there is no one out there who will understand them quite like you do. Legal slavery, Ms. Wilds, that’s what I ran away from. I was given a clean slate in exchange for testifying against my foster father. That is why you cannot find anything about me, because I did not exist until that day. I was given a new life and no one has the right to force me to share or relive anything from those years.”

 

***

 

**Anders** _10:55am_

Why are you walking senselessly across campus?

 

**Hawke** _10:57am_

I’m bored, where the hell are you that you can see me?

 

**Anders** _10:59am_

In the library you’ve walked past the window I’m sitting by three times. Why didn't you message me?

 

**Hawke** _11:_ _01am_

Because you said you were spending the morning studying.

 

**Anders** _11:_ _03am_

Studying is over let’s go get coffee.

 

***

 

“Mr. Bellator, what is your favorite book?” Flemeth finally spoke up, breaking the silence in the room that Fenris’s statement had brought down. He took a deep breath and thought for a moment.

 

“Fiction or non-fiction ma’am?”

 

She chuckled slightly and he swore her face cracked from the slight smile she gave him.

 

“Fiction, though depending on your answer I may decide to inquire about the other.”

 

“ _The Chronicles of Shartan_.”

 

“Fantasy then; tell me, what is the first book you remember reading?”

 

“That question is a little more difficult to answer. I was illiterate until I was thirteen. The first book I actually read on my own was _Miles and his Mabari_. But the first book I truly remember reading without any help or assistance was _The Hobbit_.”

 

“Illiterate until thirteen, why?”

 

“I was a…difficult child. I was put into a remedial class when I was transferred to my last foster home. The teacher, she…she believed in me. Was the first person to ever really try.”

 

“Tell me, what is literature to you?”

 

***

 

**Merrill** _11:_ _12am_

Where are you?

 

**Hawke** _11:14am_

Heading to sirens call with Anders.

 

**Merrill** _11:16am_

Oh good, I’ll come join you I could use a pick me up

 

**Hawke** _11:18am_

I think we’re all in need of a pick me up, why must spring break only last a week?

 

**Merrill** _11:20am_

If it were longer we might never recover

 

***

 

"One final question, Mr. Bellator," Flemeth said with a tilt of her head. Fenris felt like his throat might close up it was so dry. The pitcher of water on the table mocked him; all he had to do was reach forward and grab it. But that would mean drawing the attention of Morrigan and he could still feel her gaze boring into him. Flemeth noticed his gaze and gestured to it with a kind smile. "You must be thirsty, please have some water before we continue."

 

"Thank you," he said, standing up to grab a glass and doing his best to avoid looking at either Morrigan or Professor Harellan. He couldn’t bear to see the dissatisfaction in her eyes and what could only be the disappointment in his. He poured himself a glass of water and drank down half of it greedily before looking to Flemeth.

 

“Why do you want this job?”

 

***

 

**Fenris** _12:_ _05pm_

Hey, sorry I had a meeting with a professor completely forgot to tell you about it

 

**Hawke** _12:_ _07pm_

Oh ok, well I’m at Sirens Call with Merrill and Anders, come join us

 

**Fenris** _12:_ _09pm_

Shit, I left my bag, let me go grab it and then I’ll head over

 

**Hawke** _12:_ _11pm_

okey dokey :)

 

***

 

He opened the door to the classroom and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it was empty. He did not relish the idea of having to face either of the Wilds women again and he wasn’t sure if he would ever want to face Professor Harellen again. There had been no indication if the interview had gone well; Morrigan had glowered at him the whole time he spoke to her mother. Flemeth hardly smiled and regarded his every word with a slight tilt to her head, her expression never changing. Professor Harellan smiled when he shook his hand as he departed and thanked him for his time.

 

A complete waste of his time was more like it; there was no way he was getting the position. Even if he had come clean from the start about his background, he could tell that Morrigan thought him unfit for the job. He breathed a sigh of relief seeing his bag right where he left it and went to grab it. He noticed his resume on the table and tried not to look at it, but couldn’t resist trying to decipher what sort of notes Morrigan had written on it.

 

“Well, well what have we here?” Fenris jumped at hearing Flemeth’s voice and groaned internally; now he knew there was no way he was getting the job.

 

“I’m sorry, I left my bag and…”

 

“Thought to perhaps find out what sort of wicked things Morrigan wrote about you?”

 

“I’ll go now, really I am very sorry.”

 

“Hold a moment; I noticed a curious thing today. My daughter is capable of making even the strongest man weep with her words alone. Yet today when I thought you were going to crack, suddenly you have your head high and your back straight. I wonder how you performed such a feat. My curiosity is off the record of course.”

 

“You notice a great deal don’t you?”

 

“Indeed,” she looked at him expectantly still waiting for an answer to her question.

 

“I thought of my girlfriend, she…she has put a lot of faith in me, and I thought of her and how she would tell me to be confident. That if she were right next to me she’d be telling me to believe in myself.”

 

“And that thought alone was enough?”

 

“You’ve never met my Hawke, trust me if you had you would understand.”

 

“Would I now? The chains of your past are broken, I wonder though if you are truly free.”

 

“Truly free?”

 

“Yes, are you free? I do not think you are because I see a young man who has fought and clawed his way to a new life. But I also see a broken child who is confused by the man staring back at him in the mirror. I see someone who has a great deal of love and passion; what I do not see is someone who is willing to act on it.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“It takes more than thoughts to convey your feelings to the world. In order to love what you do, no matter what it is, you have to be willing to act on it. To take the plunge and leap into the abyss. Are you capable of that? Because if you are, then yes, you are the right man for the job.”

 

“Has anyone ever told you that you are quite strange?”

 

Flemeth laughed then, a deep throaty chuckle that almost made her seem younger.

 

"Oh, I knew I liked you. I have been told many things in my years, primarily that I am an old hag who talks too much. However, I have built myself up to where I am by being exactly who I am and never once apologizing for it. Take the plunge, Mr. Bellator; it is only when you fall that you can learn whether you can fly."

 

She walked away and left him standing there staring at her open mouthed. What was he supposed to fall into? They had been talking about Hawke and…

 

“Oh.”

 

***

 

He looked into the windows of Sirens Call and saw her there with Anders and Merrill in their favorite corner booth. Anders was telling a story and was gesturing wildly, eliciting a laugh from her. He loved that laugh and the way it would light up her face. She happened to glance his way and tilted her head. He gestured for her to come outside and she gave him a puzzled look before standing up to walk out. Anders and Merrill took notice of him as well and seemed to be asking her what was going on. She shrugged her shoulders and walked towards the door. He opened it for her and took her by the hand dragging her over to the side of the building.

 

“Fenris what are you…” He silenced her with a kiss as he pulled her in tight. His hands cradled her face as he pressed his lips to hers tenderly. She responded in kind, gripping the front of his shirt. He pulled away and pressed his forehead to hers and took a deep breath, ready to take the plunge.

 

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He said it!!!!
> 
> No really he wasn't supposed to say it yet. Once again I had a plan and none of them would stick to it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one because damn I really loved writing it. This will go on my list of favorite chapters written.
> 
> Thanks as always to my skype group.
> 
> Miles for his book suggestions, Ranna and Broody for editing, and to Emma for reminding me how special this fic really is.


	17. Chapter 17

“I love you.”

 

She felt like she was in a dream; it had to be a dream. There was no way he just said to her what she had been holding herself back from saying all week. Not that she didn’t want him to know she loved him, she just feared what would happen if she told him. She imagined saying it to him and every scenario played out that he would say it back because he thought he had to, or worse that he wouldn’t be able to say it to her at all.

 

“I…Fenris,” she stuttered; he looked ashamed then, and she pulled him back to her before he could move away. “I’m sorry I’m just in shock is all, we…”

 

“We’ve only been together a short time and I shouldn’t have presumed.”

 

“No you stupid idiot, I’ve been wanting to say that to you all week, I’m just surprised you said it first.”

 

“You wanted to say it?”

 

“Yes, oh god you have no idea how much I wanted to tell you that.”

 

“Say it.”

 

“Fenris, I love you too.”

 

“You do?”

 

“No, I’m just holding you close to me in hopes that my continued presence will somehow convince you to just run away from me. Yes I love you; I’ve loved you for so long I just didn’t know if I could say it to you without changing things.”

 

“I think I’ve loved you longer than I have realized it as well. Something happened to me today and I knew that if I didn’t tell you, didn’t take the plunge, that I would be lying to myself if I never said the words out loud.”

 

“Wait, what happened to you?”

 

“Let’s go inside and I’ll share the details of my morning with everyone; I will probably leave off the end part of course. I am not quite willing just yet to have everyone learn of our declarations.”

 

“I second that motion, our friends gossip like housewives.”

 

“You gossip with them.”

 

“Of course, just not about myself.”

 

***

 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this!” 

Hawke wasn’t angry; her tone of voice gave that away. But she was upset that he didn’t tell her he was being considered for the job of a lifetime. “I could’ve helped you prepare for the interview; I would have stayed last night so you didn’t have to think about it alone.”

 

They sat in their corner booth, Merrill and Anders on one side, Fenris and Hawke on the other. Isabela occasionally walked by to join in on the conversation, but would flit back to the counter when a customer came in.

 

“I know, I just didn’t want to tell anyone. When I applied I didn’t even think I would make it this far into the running. I guess I thought if I told anyone I’d ruin my chances, if that makes any sense.”

 

“It makes perfect sense. I don’t tell anyone about most of my interviews, especially when it’s for a position I really want,” Anders said.

 

“That might work for the two of you but I would go batty not being able to talk to someone about it. The panic alone would drive me to fits,” Merrill added.

 

“I’m in your boat Merrill, keeping something like that to myself? I’d be afraid that I would fudge up the interview entirely because no one knew I was there and no one was silently cheering me on,” Hawke said, wrapping her arm through Fenris’ and leaning against him. He smiled, knowing that even though she was upset with him it did nothing to diminish the happiness they both felt at their mutual confession.

 

“You were there with me though. In your own special way.”

 

“How?”

 

He held his hand up and showed her the red band aid. She looked at him questioningly and he cleared his throat before continuing.

 

“When I was in there the one woman was grilling me to no end. Talking about my lack of experience and I suppose trying to make me crack under the pressure. I looked down at my hands to avoid looking at her, and I saw this. I thought of you and your smile, and I knew that if you were there you’d be cheering me on, or telling that witch where to shove it. Either way, you were there for me.”

 

“I think I might be sick from the sweetness in here. Seriously can you two get any cheesier?” Isabela interrupted their moment and Hawke stuck out her tongue. “Don’t bring it out unless you’re prepared to use it…on me you, oh get a room!” she said when Hawke grabbed Fenris and pulled him in for a very public display of affection. They normally avoided this sort of thing, but his response showed her that he was more than happy to give a show, if only to teach Isabela a lesson.

“We should celebrate; you made it all the way to the interview process and for all we know you have the job. So let’s go celebrate you possibly being given the opportunity of the century,” Hawke suggested and it was agreed, a celebration of their friend and his possible future. Fenris looked at her with adoration and smiled; he leaned down to kiss her on the cheek and whispered in her ear.

 

“This is why I love you.”

 

***

 

Varric was enjoying a quiet afternoon with a mug of tea and quality time with Bianca. He had been in a bit of a dry spell when it came to creativity but while reading the morning paper he had seen an article about crack downs on crime in Lowtown and was struck with inspiration for the next adventure in his Hard in Hightown series. He was deep into a writing binge when his phone rang, completely cutting him off during the climax of the first gun fight.

 

“Nug humping sons of…Varric Tethras speaking.”

 

“Good afternoon Mr. Tethras, this is Morrigan Wilds. I am calling in regards to Fenris Bellator; he listed you as a reference on his resume.”

 

Fenris had mentioned needing references for his resume and Varric had been more than happy to provide. The name sounded familiar, Morrigan Wilds, why did he know that name?

 

“Mr. Bellator has been selected as a potential candidate to work as a research assistant for my client Solas Harellan. Because this is a very prestigious position, it is my job as his editor to ensure that we pick the right candidate for the job. As such, I would like to ask you some questions so that we may make further determinations of Mr. Bellator’s character.”

 

Morrigan Wilds, Korcari Publishing; that’s why her name was so familiar. They had tried snatching him up when his series hit big. The offer had been tempting, but Merchants Guild had been there for him since the beginning, they had published his early novels and stuck by him when he had scrapped the entire first half of what would become his most successful work.

 

“Ah yes, Morrigan Wilds, I thought your name sounded familiar. I do believe you are acquaintances with my agent, Maevaris Tilani?”

 

“Ah so you are indeed the actual Varric Tethras; I admit I was surprised to see you listed as a reference. I did not think Mr. Bellator was privy to be in such high social circles.”

 

“If you knew me at all Ms. Wilds, you would know that my social circles aren’t quite as high as the standards of my fellow brethren. I root for the underdog.”

“Would you consider Mr. Bellator to be the underdog then?”

 

“I know he’s only where he is now through his own sheer determination. Tell me Ms. Wilds, why is it that as an editor you are the one doing the scrutinizing instead of handing this sort of job off to an assistant?”

 

“I doubt anyone else would know to ask the questions that I do. I take my job very seriously, Mr. Tethras. Professor Harellan is a well known and well thought of author. I am simply trying to make sure we pick the proper person to attend him as a research assistant.”

 

“Well then I will tell you that you won’t find anyone better than Fenris. He’s smart; he sees the details others overlook. He’s humble and takes almost no pride in his own accomplishments, though they are many. The kid read the dictionary just so he could learn more words. Ms. Wilds, if you wanted to know the kind of person he was you were better off spending time with him. You’re looking at a piece of paper and trying to determine the worth of a person. What you should be doing is asking why someone like him would try so hard to get a job that you don’t think he is qualified for.”

 

***

 

**Varric __**2:34pm

I just got off the phone with Morrigan Wilds.

 

**Fenris __**2:36pm

I probably should have told you I was applying for the internship.

 

**Varric __**2:39pm

I would have been much better prepared had I known what it was for. I would have written you a letter of recommendation. I would have gone down to the school and told the professor myself why he should hire you.

 

**Fenris __**2:41pm

That’s not necessary, really thank you though. I doubt I am getting the job. But I appreciate what you were willing to do for me.

 

**Varric __**2:45pm

After everything I just said about you, if you don’t get the job I will bash them in the heads with Bianca.

 

**Fenris __**2:47pm

You would risk Bianca’s safety for me?

 

**Varric __**2:49pm

She’s tough she can take it. I’m rooting for you Broody. No false hopes, but I think you have a real shot at this.

***

 

**Fenris __**4:34pm

Is it too much to hope that your studio is vacant?

 

**Isabela __**4:36pm

Why?

 

**Fenris __**4:39pm

I’m graduating at the end of May and obviously I can’t live in the dorms anymore. I was hoping to move back into the studio. Is my summer position still available?

 

**Isabela __**4:41pm

Even if it wasn’t I would make it happen. I have a tenant but they will be out in time for graduation so you can move in when you’re ready.

 

**Fenris __**4:43pm

Thank you, I’ll have the first months rent ready next time I see you.

 

**Isabela __**4:47pm

Fenris, don’t insult me by treating me like a land lord and not as your friend. Give me the money when you move in and I will decide how much you’ve overpaid me.

 

***

 

Hawke stared at the cake in front of her and did her best to not throw it against the wall. Five layers of fondant, gum paste, and hours of her time sat before her as a testament to her skill.

 

She hated it. Absolutely hated it. Not because it was beautiful, not because she had managed to finish it two weeks ahead of the deadline, and not even because the chef had praised her ceaselessly about it. No, she hated it because she couldn’t find anything wrong with it, and that was the problem.

 

Back in January when she had been given the assignment, she drew up so many designs she developed a cramp in her hand that wouldn’t go away for days. Every idea she had seemed to be pointless, unoriginal, or just plain boring. It wasn’t until she looked at a picture from over the summer that inspiration hit her. She, Merrill, Anders and Fenris together at the carnival, laughing at whatever obscene gesture Varric and Isabela had been doing behind her mother’s back as she took the picture. It made her think of her friends, and how they each had come into her life and stayed there. So she began to work out a design that would show them and how they all came together.

 

The bottom layer of the cake was a forest scene. Trees rich with life, and a single white bunny resting in the middle of a patch of daisies. For the following tier she painted a scene at sea, a pirate ship sailing the waves as a siren sat on a rock watching it float away. If you looked carefully enough you would see that she was reading a book while a cup of coffee rested in her hands. For the third she spent hours blending red and black dye into the fondant to get the right shade she wanted, a deep wine red. Over that she painstakingly piped out white lines, using the picture fenris had sent her when she admitted to her curiosity as to how far his tattoos went. She ended up having to use a copy of the picture that cut off his head because found herself staring at his eyes and shy smile more than the ink.

 

For the fourth tier she had tried many different things before finally deciding what would make Anders most happy to see, Ser Pounce. She took several pictures of the cat when she had been at Isabela’s and did her best to dutifully recreate him in a sleeping pose, his tail curled around him and his eyes staring out at the world. Resting upon Ser Pounce’s tiny head was Hawke’s testament to herself, bright red chef’s hat with her name written on it in delicate script.

 

“Marian it’s beautiful,” her mother’s voice spoke up behind her. Hawke turned around fast and a smile broke out on her face. She went running to her mother and didn’t even care that she looked like a mess.

 

“Mom!” she said, hugging her tight. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I need you to help me find your sister.”

 

“What?”

 

“Bethany, she dropped out and I have no idea where she is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Bethany, you were going to get caught eventually. 
> 
> So I just want to say thank you to everyone for the absolutely astounding amount of feedback on the last chapter. It felt so good to see how much you all enjoyed his declaration. I am so very happy and motivated to keep this coming for all of you.
> 
> Much love as always to my skype group and to my lovelies Emma and Broody :)  
> I seriously would not be able to get as much done as I do without all of you.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hawke __**3:34pm

Where is my sister?

 

**Sebastian __**3:45pm

She’s at work.

 

**Hawke __**3:47pm

Work?? What work? She has a job??

 

**Sebastian __**3:49pm

She didn’t tell you she dropped out.

 

**Hawke __**3:51pm

I think I would remember that conversation.

 

* _incoming call_ * **Sebastian Vael**

“When?” was all Hawke said when she answered the phone. She needed to know how long her sister had been lying to her. Needed to know just how bad things were before she decided how best to approach the situation.

 

“Just after midterms. She failed almost all of them. I swear I thought you knew.”

 

“Where has she been living then? Tell me she hasn’t been staying in your dorm.”

 

“No, she hasn’t been here with me. Hawke, you’re not going to like this.”

 

“I’m already pretty pissed so I doubt you can say anything that is going to make it worse.”

 

“The studio above Siren’s Call.”

 

“I stand corrected. I’m going to hang up now.”

 

“Hawke, I swear I didn’t know.”

 

“I believe you, but I really need to hang up now.”

 

***

 

**Hawke __**4:05pm

You at work?

 

**Isabela __**4:07pm

Not for long

 

**Hawke __**4:10pm

Oh good, I’m coming by. We need to talk.

 

**Isabela __**4:12pm

Ok? Is everything alright? Do you want to just meet me at my place?

 

**Hawke __**4:15pm

No just wait for me there, or you can always oh idk meet me at my sister’s apartment…right upstairs.

 

**Isabela __**4:17pm

Fuck

 

***

 

“I can’t believe you kept this from me. What were you thinking?”

 

Isabela used her spare key to let them into the apartment. Leandra sat on the couch in silence while Hawke paced around the small living room. Isabela stood silently in the small kitchen, letting her vent.

 

“I just don’t understand why she would do this. I don’t understand how or why you would allow her to keep something like this from me and from our mother.”

 

“Hawke, I did what I thought was best. She came to me because she didn’t know who else to turn to; she was ashamed, scared, and lonely.”

 

“All the more reason to call me.”

 

“She begged me not to. Said you were the last person she wanted to know about this. She didn’t want to disappoint you.”

 

“You should have told her no, you should have called me and I would have taken care of this. Instead she’s here all by herself and working some job none of us know about.”

 

“Did you ever stop to think there was a reason she didn’t want you to know? God, Hawke, all you care is that she lied to you. Have you even once thought to ask yourself why? Do you even care that she didn’t want you to know?”

 

“Of course I care, but that’s not the bigger issue here.”

 

“Well it should be. You’re all up in arms that she dropped out of school and didn’t tell anyone. What you should be upset about was that your own sister didn’t want to come to you when she needed you.”

 

“Are you seriously making this my fault? Are you really trying to get out of what you did by making me feel like somehow I am responsible for this?”

 

“Well it wouldn’t hurt you to think about someone other than yourself for a moment.”

 

“Oh you are one to talk.”

 

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

 

“You know very well what…” 

They were interrupted by the sound of a key opening the apartment door. Bethany walked in and her eyes widened, seeing Hawke and Isabela standing two feet away from each other with clenched fists. Her shoulders dropped when she saw her mother stand up from the couch.

 

“Shit.”

 

***

 

**Sebastian __**6:34pm

So when is a good time for us to talk?

 

**Bethany __**6:38pm

Not you too?

 

**Sebastian __**6:40pm

You lied to me Beth.

 

**Bethany __**6:42pm

Only by omission, I swear I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought some time would give me a new perspective and I would just re-enroll in September.

 

**Sebastian __**6:45pm

I hate that this is being said in text but I care about you. You mean a great deal to me and I don’t like the fact that you feel like you need to keep secrets from me.

 

**Bethany __**6:47pm

So we’re still us then?

 

**Sebastian __**6:50pm

Of course we are, but you’ve got to learn to trust me a little. Can I see you tonight? Are you still staying in the studio?

 

**Bethany __**6:52pm

Yes, come by tonight. We should probably talk about all of this.

 

***

Hawke had her face buried in Fenris’s pillow and she was screaming incoherently into it. He rubbed her back gently and let her get it all out. When she was silent for more than a minute he coaxed her into rolling over. Her eyes were red and he knew part of her screaming into the pillow was her hiding the fact that she had been crying from him.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“No.”

 

“But you know you should.”

 

“Am I a bad sister?”

 

“Would it help if I said no?”

 

“No, but it might make me feel like less of a piece of shit right now.”

 

He pulled her to him and stroked the back of her head.

 

“You’re not a piece of shit Hawke; don’t talk that way about yourself.”

 

“How can I not feel that way? My little sister, my first best friend, couldn’t even come to me when she needed me the most. I didn’t realize she was in trouble; what kind of big sister doesn’t realize she is needed?”

 

“Why not try to see it from her perspective?”

 

“I would if she had bothered to try and tell me. All she kept saying to me was I couldn’t possibly understand what she was going through.”

 

“Well think about it. What was highschool like for Bethany compared to you?”

 

“I don’t see how this is of any importance but complete opposites if you must know. I didn’t really have many friends; actually, I had zero, save a few people I might talk to here and there. Bethany never had that problem; she was popular, sweet, and kind. She had more friends than anyone could possibly know what to do with.”

 

“And yet now here in college you have built yourself up a very close group of friends. From what I can tell the only friend she made in college was Sebastian. You thrived in college, she didn’t, and she thinks that makes her less than you somehow.”

 

“But it doesn’t; it just means her experience was different than mine.”

 

“But the only experience she ever knew was yours, and when hers went in a completely different direction. She probably thought she had done something wrong. College isn’t for everyone, and maybe she’s one of those people that it just doesn’t work for.”

“How do you do that?” she asked, running her fingers along his cheek.

 

“Do what?”

 

“Make everything better?”

 

***

 

Bethany sat inside Siren’s Call with a cup of tea, feeling it warm her palms. She had barely drunk it while she waited for Sebastian to arrive. She was thankful, for once, that Isabela had already gone home for the night. One of her seasonal employees was there and they didn’t try to have meaningless conversation with her. Beth needed the silence; she needed to be able to compose her thoughts. The one thing she couldn’t shake was the look on her sister’s face when she came in through the door. Anger, sadness, and something else that she couldn’t put her finger on.

 

She had caused her sister and one of her closest friends to have a fight. For that she felt a great deal of regret. She could see the tension between Marian and Isabela as soon as she opened the door. They almost looked like they were going to have a physical fight. Not that she believed either of them would resort to that, but they had seemed damn near close to it.

 

_What am I doing?_ She thought to herself. _How did it get this bad?_

 

Her first semester had been unpleasant. Her roommate was batshit insane and her teachers were nothing like she had expected. But she accepted the fact that college was very different from what she was used to, and approached her second semester with the same fresh enthusiasm she gave her first. But it didn’t matter; her new roommate was less crazy but wanted nothing to do with her. Every class she took felt like a chore and a punishment. When she got her grades back for her midterms and realized she would probably fail the entire semester, she’d had enough. She had paid attention to the fee schedule and knew that if she waited just one week after midterms her mother wouldn’t receive any refunds, and she could drop out without any notices being given. What she hadn’t thought of was her dorm fees. Those were refunded and when her mother received the check, the jig was up.

 

The worst part was how happy she had been over the last few weeks. She had found a job at a daycare center. She got to spend every morning and afternoon looking after little children, playing with them, reading to them, and seeing their smiles. Their bright happy faces had washed away all the sadness and shame she had felt at her failures. Even staying alone in the studio had been wonderful. She thought she would be lonely but having the ability to watch what she wanted on TV, sleep without interruption, and use of the bathroom at any time had been freeing.

 

Now it was all gone.

 

The door chime caught her attention and she smiled a little when she saw Sebastian walk in. he regarded with a small smile as well but gestured for her to wait as he approached the counter to order himself a coffee. Once he had it in hand he came to sit with her.

 

“Sebastian I am so…” She was cut off by a tender kiss that left her momentarily unable to remember her name. “I guess you’re not as mad at me as I thought.”

 

“Oh no my dear, I am quite furious with you. However, it will do no good to approach this in anger. Also, I meant it when I said I cared for you, and I wanted to make that clear before we had our discussion,” he said, sitting back down into his chair.

 

“Why did you let me think your family knew what you had done? Do you have any idea what it was like having to tell your sister what had happened?” he began immediately, his tone of voice even and never rising.

 

“Because I was already ashamed enough that you knew and I didn’t know how to tell them. Marian always made college sound so perfect and when it didn’t work that way for me, I thought I had done something wrong. Like there was something wrong with me.”

 

“But we talked about this so many times before you decided to withdraw. That you just needed some time to figure out where you wanted to go in life. That going to college straight out of high school may not have been your best decision, since you weren’t even sure of the major you were picking.”

 

“I know all right, I know we talked about this. I know it seemed like I was completely fine with my choice. But when it came time to call my mother I folded, and then when I tried to call Marian I panicked. I took a cab to FMU and went to her door, and just as I was about to knock I just had this horrible feeling go through me. Like she would never look at me the same way. So I ran, I came here and Isabela was here and she listened. She listened to everything, even things I wasn’t able to share with you.”

 

“So that’s how you ended up renting the studio? Your sister isn’t the one who talked to Isabela for you?”

 

“No, it was all me. I did find the daycare job on my own though, I had found it a few days before I withdrew. Told them I would be available to work until the end of the summer so that I could just head home as if nothing happened.”

 

“But obviously that plan did not work out. If your mother had never gotten the dorm refund would you have ever told them?”

 

“I don’t know. I still don’t know if I will be able to tell my mother everything. I’m lucky she hasn’t forced me to pack my bags and head home immediately. She said she won’t force me to leave my job, that my employers shouldn’t be punished for my childishness.”

 

“Beth, it’s going to be all right, you know?” he said, cupping her under the chin and raising her eyes to his own.

 

“Is it? Marian won’t even talk to me.”

 

“Give her some time.”

 

“Thank you for this; I don’t know where I would be now if I had never met you.”

 

“Don’t give me all the credit. You managed to find yourself a job and an apartment in days.”

 

“I guess that counts for something.”

 

“It counts for quite a bit. Are we agreed that the fight is over then?”

 

“I didn’t even realize we were having a fight.”

 

“Good. That had been my intention. Now let’s go upstairs and invite your mother out to dinner. I have some plans for the summer that involve you, and while I don’t need her permission I would very much like to ask for it in any case.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the sadness in this chapter I promise to make the next one a little more happy.  
> Finally decided to write a bit of the Sebastian/Bethany pairing because I actually find it to be very sweet and I do love making the little Hawke happy.
> 
> Thank you all for the comments and support.
> 
> To Broody and Emma, as always thank you so much


	19. Chapter 19

**Merrill __**12:34pm

Eventually you will need to talk to her.

 

**Hawke __**12:36pm

Eventually yes, just not now

 

**Merrill __**12:39pm

When then?

 

**Hawke __**12:42pm

When it stops hurting.

 

***

 

**Anders __**1:12pm

So we’re not fighting right?

 

**Fenris __**1:14pm

No? Why did I miss something?

 

**Anders __**1:16pm

Hawke and Bela are fighting. You’re seeing Hawke and…you know

 

**Fenris __**1:19pm

So if the women we are with are fighting we’re supposed to be fighting?

 

**Anders __**1:21pm

According to most sitcoms we should pretend to be fighting, that way the womenfolk feel as though we understand and see their side

 

**Fenris __**1:23pm

But I do see Hawke’s side

 

**Anders __**1:25pm

See you’re already learning

 

***

 

**Bethany __**2:35pm

Is there anything I can do to fix this?

 

**Isabela __**2:37pm

No, she and I put ourselves into this and we’re the only ones who can get ourselves out of it

 

**Bethany __**2:39pm

I didn’t help matters though

 

**Isabela __**2:42pm

Friends have fights and this is the first one she and I have ever had so it stings more

 

**Bethany __**2:45pm

Can I say i'm sorry again?

 

**Isabela __**2:47pm

You can stop worrying about it. This isn’t your problem.

 

***

 

**Fenris __**7:34pm

Ok so the whole pretending to fight thing that was a joke right?

 

**Anders __**7:36pm

Yeah, why?

 

**Fenris __**7:39pm

I think I should have taken it seriously.

 

**Anders __**7:42pm

What did you do?

 

**Fenris __**7:45pm

I told her I was going to play pool with you tonight. She didn’t seem happy about it.

 

**Anders __**7:49pm

Well I’m taking a lesson from you and not telling Bela anything about my life until this shit ends.

 

***

 

**Fenris __**9:39pm

Ok, so are you actually mad at me for being out with Anders?

 

**Hawke __**9:45pm

No…maybe…idk

 

**Fenris __**9:49pm

You do realize he has nothing to do with this

 

**Hawke __**9:52pm

I am well aware…you make me sound like an idiot when you do that.

**Fenris __**9:55pm

Just say the word I’ll throw my wine in his face and give him a piece of my mind.

 

**Hawke __**9:57pm

What did he do now?

 

**Fenris __**9:59pm

Pretended I was his lover so this woman would stop propositioning him.

 

**Hawke __**10:04pm

Did it work?

 

**Fenris __**10:06pm

No, now she wants to know if we’ll ‘sandwich’ her.

 

**Hawke __**10:08pm

Throw the wine at her and take a picture.

 

***

 

**Isabela __**8:34am

Have a nice time with Fenris?

 

**Anders __**8:45am

I have been informed by my attorney that I am under no obligation to answer any questions that may implicate me.

 

**Isabela __**8:49am

Haha very funny. You can tell me when you’re hanging out with him. You can also hang out with Hawke, I’m not going to punish you.

 

**Anders __**8:52am

I don’t like the sound of where this is going…

 

**Isabela __**8:55am

*image sent*

 

**Anders __**8:57am

Woman you take that outfit off my cat right now!!

 

**Isabela __**8:59am

He makes the cutest little ladybug yes he does

 

***

 

**Carver __**4:57pm

So this is the part where I, as your twin, say something meaningful right?

 

**Bethany __**5:03pm

Only if this were some sort of TV drama

 

**Carver __**5:05pm

Are you kidding me? This whole mess speaks of TV drama. I feel like I should have had popcorn when mom was telling me what happened.

 

**Bethany __**5:07pm

Do you have a point you’re trying to make?

 

**Carver __**5:09pm

That even though it went wrong, I think you did the right thing in the end.

 

**Bethany __**5:11pm

That’s really sweet of you thanks.

 

**Carver __**5:15pm

Also you managed to make sure mom will leave me alone for awhile so thanks for that too

 

**Bethany __**5:17pm

You’re such a tit!

 

***

 

**Isabela __**7:34pm

Bethany is going to be out of the studio 3 days before graduation, you can start moving your stuff in then.

 

**Fenris __**7:36pm

Thanks again, is she ok?

 

**Isabela __**7:38pm

I suppose, for someone who had their entire life flipped around

 

**Fenris __**7:40pm

And you?

 

**Isabela __**7:42pm

Don’t start ok? This wasn’t me reaching out so that you could try and heal the rift between me and Hawke. This was just me letting you know when you can move back into your apartment.

 

**Fenris __**7:45pm

She misses your coffee.

 

**Isabela __**7:49pm

Then she can come in and tell me that herself.

 

***

 

**Hawke __**12:34pm

Are you ready to talk to me?

 

**Bethany __**12:36pm

I’ve been ready to talk to you. Want to meet me at Sirens Call?

 

**Hawke __**12:39pm

No

 

**Bethany __**12:42pm

Marian…

 

**Hawke __**12:45pm

Lowtown diner, see you there at 1:30?

 

**Bethany __**12:49pm

Ok

 

***

 

**Fenris __**3:03pm

How did it go?

 

**Hawke __**3:05pm

Very well actually. We talked, we cried, we hugged, I smacked her in the back of the head.

 

**Fenris __**3:07pm

Seriously?

 

**Hawke __**3:09pm

It was a very gentle smack.

 

**Fenris __**3:11pm

Is this a sister thing?

 

**Hawke __**3:14pm

Yes, lol.

***

 

**Hawke __**2:34pm

Please!!

 

**Merrill __**2:36pm

No!

 

**Hawke __**2:37pm

I’ll do your laundry

 

**Merrill __**2:39pm

The answer is still no

 

**Hawke __**2:41pm

You’re killing me, I am literally dying as we speak

 

**Merrill __**2:43pm

Just go get some coffee from the dining hall

 

**Hawke __**2:45pm

But its soooo bad. I swore there was no such thing as bad coffee, they have proven me wrong. It is worse than sludge, it is the remnants that are left when the sludge is wiped away.

 

**Merrill __**2:48pm

Well then you know what you have to do.

 

**Hawke __**2:50pm

Break into Sirens Call in the middle of the night and abscond with all of the coffee?

 

***

 

**Hawke __**2:52pm

Have I told you today how much I love you?

 

**Fenris __**2:53pm

Merrill beat you to it

 

**Hawke __**2:56pm

I have no idea what you are talking about.

 

**Fenris __**2:58pm

I’ll bet, luckily for you I was upgraded from best friend to boyfriend.

 

**Hawke __**3:00pm

You are the best, absolutely the best.

 

**Fenris __**3:14pm

She won’t sell me your coffee.

 

**Hawke __**3:17pm

What??!! She’s not even supposed to be there right now!

 

**Fenris __**3:19pm

Regardless she is here and she says if you want this coffee you have to come get it yourself.

 

**Hawke __**3:21pm

Fine I’m on my way.

 

**Fenris __**3:23pm

Your coffee is on the counter. No offense love but I am out of here.

 

**Hawke __**3:24pm

You called me love, I wish I was less pissed so I could appreciate it more.

 

***

 

**Fenris __**3:25pm

I am on my way to your dorm and we are going somewhere, anywhere far away from Sirens Call

 

**Anders __**3:27pm

What? No come on I want to watch that!

 

**Fenris __**3:29pm

I am not having you watch my girlfriend have a cat fight with your fuck buddy

 

**Anders __**3:31pm

Oh we’re not fuck buddies anymore, we’re paramours.

 

**Fenris __**3:35pm

While I commend you on the fancier title I have to know how and why you came up with that

 

**Anders __**3:37pm

Out of all the options we found on Google it seemed the best one. She didn’t like being called my ‘bit o crumpet’ and I of course was very much against being referred to as a ‘salty dog’

 

**Fenris __**3:39pm

You googled pet names for casual sex partners?

 

**Anders __**3:41pm

You can Google anything, where the hell have you been?

 

**Fenris __**3:42pm

I have avoided looking up anything Isabela has described after the monokini incident.

 

***

 

Hawke peeked around the corner of the building and looked into the windows of Siren’s Call. Her iced coffee sat on the counter taunting her, calling out to her. Isabela stood behind the counter with a tempestuous glare on her face, staring at the door, and waiting. Any hopes Hawke had for swooping and grabbing her sweet, precious release were dashed. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and marched into the coffee shop.

 

“Hello Isabela,” Hawke said, trying to sound casual and not at all desperate.

 

“Hawke,” Isabela responded, matching her tone.

 

“Is that mine?”

 

“Depends.”

 

“On what?”

 

“What you have to say for yourself, and if I like your apology,” she said, folding her arms.

 

“Give me the coffee Isabela.”

 

“Apologies first.”

 

“What in the world do I have to apologize for? You’re the one who kept the secrets.”

 

“For attacking me when you found out. For not thanking me for looking after your sister, which is what I was trying to do. If I hadn’t kept her secret, goodness knows where she would have ended up.”

 

“That’s not the point!”

 

“Then what is?”

 

“I can’t have this conversation right now, I need caffeine!”

 

“Apologize to me and it’s yours!” Isabela countered, holding the cup hostage. Hawke sighed and looked up with a half smile. 

 

“At the same time then?”

 

“Fine…one…two…three…”

 

“I’m sor…augh…no…why?!” Hawke cried out as the grip Isabela had on the cup caused the lid to fly off and iced coffee to shoot out all over Hawke’s chest.

 

“Oh god Hawke…I am so so sorry,” Isabela said, running forward with a towel and trying to wipe up most of the dampness.

 

“Bela…”

 

“What?”

 

“You keep wiping my boobs and…”

 

“Oh my, you could cut diamonds with those things.”

 

***

 

**Hawke __**4:12pm

Come to Beth’s place, we’re getting drunk and celebrating female friendships

 

**Merrill __**4:14pm

Yay!

 

***

 

**Hawke __**4:34pm

I’m having a girls night with bela, beth, and merrill. You can entertain yourself tonight i'm sure :)

 

**Fenris __**4:36pm

Peace has returned to the land of women I take it?

 

**Hawke __**5:03pm

Shots shots shots

 

**Fenris __**5:05pm

Remember to drink water…

 

***

**Isabela __**11:35pm

You’re gonna need to come pick up your girl

 

**Fenris __**11:37pm

Did she and Merrill go shot for shot again?

 

**Isabela __**11:39pm

Yes, she’s passed out on the couch.

 

**Fenris __**11:42pm

We’re on our way

 

**Isabela __**12:30am

Where are you?

 

**Isabela __**12:45am

Are you guys ok?

 

**Anders __**12:59am

We’ll be there in 5 minutes, get some ice packs ready

 

**Isabela __**1:03am

Oh no wtf did you guys do now??

 

***

 

Anders and Fenris took the steps up the studio carefully. Their injuries were minor, though Fenris did seem to be favoring his left leg. Anders was thankful enough that the scuffle hadn’t caused him to fall and do any more damage to his knees, and the irony of the situation made him chuckle softly.

 

“Something funny?” Fenris asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Just that the first time I had an altercation with Alrik I ended up in the hospital with enough damage done to my knees to kill my entire hockey career. I’m laughing because my final one left you limping and me still walking.”

 

“Small favors I guess,” Fenris said, wincing when he smiled. His lip was bloody and swollen, and his left eye was turning a dark shade of purple. Anders could feel the bruise on his cheek swelling and he knew his right eye matched Fenris.

 

“Before we go in there, I need to say something,” Anders began hesitantly.

 

“You don’t need to say anything.”

 

“Yes I do; Fenris you stood up for me months ago when you could have just walked away and washed your hands of the whole situation. You got yourself arrested for me. I know we fight and bicker like an old married couple…”

“I feel the same way too, Anders. Remember: you’re an asshole, but you’re my asshole.”

 

“Are you ready to get chewed out by our women?”

 

“Are you ready to tell her you want her to be your woman?”

 

“Baby steps Fenris, baby steps.”

 

The door swung open before they could knock, and they were face to face with Isabela, who looked both worried and absolutely pissed at the same time. Fenris sighed when he saw Hawke behind her with a matching expression.

 

“Thought you said she was passed out,” he muttered, walking in and avoiding Hawke’s eyes.

 

“I gave her coffee and told her that her boyfriend was MIA; she woke up pretty fast.”

 

“Since you aren’t in jail, I’m going to assume you weren’t caught this time?” Hawke spoke up, handing him an ice pack. He pressed it to his eye and flopped down on the couch, motioning to Anders that it was his turn to explain things.

 

“We got into a fight…” Anders began

 

“Obviously,” Isabela said with a huff.

 

“We didn’t start it I swear. We were outside waiting for a cab and Alrik and one of his buddies were outside…again.”

 

“Why do you two insist on going to bars near Gallows? You know that’s where they hang out,” Hawke said, sitting down next to Fenris and running a sympathetic hand over his arm. He smiled weakly and leaned against her.

 

“Because that’s where the good tables are. The ones at Hanged Man are scuffed and half the time they don’t even have all the balls,” Anders defended himself, and when Isabela didn’t even crack a joke at ‘balls’ he knew he had no leg to stand on.

 

“I might be purposely going up there to see if they will start trouble with me. Fenris knows; he’s been keeping it quiet. He comes with me to keep me out of trouble, but…”

 

“So what happened that you aren’t in jail again?”

 

“Cullen happened.”

 

“Cullen?” Hawke gasped in shock. “What does Cullen have to do with this?

“Alrik and I were trading blows while Fenris was holding his own with Karras.”

 

“Holding my own? That guy has fists like a rock. I’m shocked he didn’t break my jaw,” Fenris grunted, letting Hawke pull him against her chest and hold the ice pack against his eye.

 

“Anyway, Cullen and Thrask came running outside, I guess to try and break up the fight before the cops got called again, and I guess Alrik thought they were there to join, you know outnumber us and all that so he got cocky.”

 

“Got cocky! He made a full blown confession right in front of everyone,” Fenris said, sitting up before being pulled back again by Hawke, who shushed him.

 

“What do you mean he made a confession?” Isabela said, approaching Anders slowly, tilting her head.

 

“He admitted it Bela, said he forced Karl to keep drinking that night. I was right, I was right all along and he admitted it. Then Cullen clocked him in the jaw and knocked him out.”

 

Silence fell over the room as Anders ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. Isabela took his hand in hers and he pulled her to him, resting his head on her shoulders and trying desperately to not fall apart.

 

“Are you alright?” she asked as she felt him shudder against her.

 

“I don’t know how to feel right now. All those years of anger and now, it’s like there’s a hole and I don’t know how to fill it. I don’t even care that they probably can’t press charges.

 

“You can let go now Anders, you can finally let go.”

 

“Can I? I’ve been so angry for years, how do I let that go?”

 

“By learning to be happy again,” Fenris said, standing up. He walked over to Anders and extended his hand. Anders took it and was pulled into a tight hug. Isabela and Hawke joined them, and Anders felt for the first time that maybe, just maybe, he could move on. He shuddered as the tears finally fell and let his friends hold him tight until there were no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing text message chapters. You can span days, weeks, even months with them and still keep the story going. 
> 
> Anyways Anders has his 'Justice' so to speak. One of the things I love about modern AU's is the ability to give them some happiness in any form.
> 
> Thanks again as always to my skype group and to Broody and Emma, for always making sure I sound coherent and for keeping my grammar in check.
> 
> Next chapter...Fenris and Anders graduate


	20. Chapter 20

Fenris stared at his almost empty dorm room and sighed; it seemed so strange to be leaving it behind. It had been his first home in years, the first place he actually settled himself into. Now the only evidence that it was his was his clothes in a duffel bag next to the bed. He had moved everything else into the studio above Sirens Call, his home for the foreseeable future until he found himself a job. He didn’t know where he planned on going, or even where he might apply. He sighed again and realized it wasn’t a sigh of sadness or even frustration. It was a sigh of relief and contentment; his future was unknown to him, and for the first time in his life that didn’t frighten him.

 

“Knock knock,” came a voice from behind him. “Oh wow, don’t you look absolutely gorgeous.”

 

Hawke stepped into the room and gave him a once over. Somehow she could still make him blush when she looked at him like that. He wore gray pants with a coal black button up shirt. Hawke had insisted on taking him shopping as a graduation gift, the end result being a new wardrobe of professional looking attire. Ostensibly the idea was for him to have job interview clothing, though she insisted it was so he could look professional when he went on his world tour of Thedas with Professor Harellan. She refused to listen when he told her that he had heard nothing of the job in over a month, that his chances of having it grew slimmer and slimmer the more time went on.

 

“I suppose I do; this crazy woman took me out shopping and made me buy this.”

 

“Hmmm I think I’ve heard of her. Cute and spunky with a phenomenal backside,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him.

 

“Phenomenal backside? I don’t know, let me double check,” he said and she giggled as he squeezed her butt. “Mmmm yes definitely phenomenal.”

 

“Are you ready?”

 

“To graduate? I should be right?”

 

“It’s a pretty big deal, perfectly normal to be nervous. But I can tell you right now with a certainty you are going to be the best looking one out there. But not without your hat,” she said handing him his cap. She and Isabela had absconded with his and Anders caps under the pretense of ‘decorating’ them. Fenris took it from her and began to laugh. On it was Admiral Akbar with the phrase ‘It’s a Cap!’. “For my handsome storm trooper.”

 

“Ah yes with the very nice voice if I remember correctly.”

 

“You heard that?”

 

“I did.”

 

“And here we are.”

***

 

**Isabela __**12:15pm

Hey, found some really good seats close up saving one for you.

 

**Hawke __**12:17pm

I’m on my way, has the package arrived?

 

**Isabela __**12:19pm

Mother hen and the baby birds are en route

 

**Hawke __**12:21pm

I still can’t believe his own parents aren’t coming.

 

**Isabela __**12:23pm

We’re his family now, simple as that.

 

**Hawke __**12:25pm

Shit, I left my camera in Fenris’s room, I gotta run back for it, see you in 15.

 

***

 

Hawke found her camera on Fenris’s empty desk and was ready to leave when she heard a knock and a tall bald gentleman poked his head in the room.

 

“Hello, I’m looking for Fenris.”

 

“He’s not here, he already left, can I help you?” she recognized the man from the halls. He had a face that was hard to forget, strong jaw line and eyes that seemed to always be asking questions.

 

“Oh, I was hoping to find him before he departed.”

 

“I’m his girlfriend; I can relay the message if you like.”

 

“Ah yes, and now it makes sense. Glaciers on the sea at dawn.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Fenris once wrote a poem in one of my classes. I was struck by that phrase and what it could possibly mean; now I know.”

 

“You must be Professor Harellan; he’s spoken a great deal about you.”

 

“Good things I hope. Would you be so kind as to inform him that I need a current address for him. I need to send him the itinerary for the tour.”

“He got the job?”

 

“Yes, I had hoped to be able to tell him in person but I was delayed on my way here.”

 

“Oh my god, he is…he is going to be so happy you have no idea. This means so much to him, oh and to me of course… I have to go tell him, I have to tell him now.”

 

“Go on then, and please do remember to tell him to email me his address. We leave the last week of August; I want him to be prepared.”

 

Hawke went to leave and without thinking wrapped her arms around the professor in an unexpected hug. “Thank you for believing in him.”

 

***

 

“Fenris!” He heard a voice behind him as he stood waiting, and turned to look.

 

“Hawke?”

 

“You got the job!” she said with a huge smile as she ran towards him.

 

“What?”

 

“The job, you got it! Professor Harellan, he came to your dorm right after you left. He told me to tell you. Fenris you did it!”

 

He felt his knees go weak and thought for a moment he might faint. He wavered for a moment and found himself caught by her in a hug that nearly knocked the wind out of him.

 

“I’m so proud of you!”

 

“I got the job?” He was still in a daze and she laughed when he didn’t even register her lips on his as he stared out dumbfounded. A professor came by and told them to begin making their way to the field for their processional.

 

“Fenris, wake up you need to go walk now.”

 

“Right yes, wait Hawke I have to leave then. I have to, you’re going to Ferelden for the summer, and I won’t get to see you and…”

 

“Oh my god Fenris we can worry about that later. Go graduate!”

 

“Yes right, that.” He turned to walk away and stopped for a moment. “Hawke,” he said and she turned back to look at him. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too; now go before they start without you. I’ll be the one screaming the loudest when they say your name.”

 

***

 

**Hawke __**12:55pm

Put your phone down and watch your fellow classmates graduate, Tubbs will be there when you get back.

 

**Anders __**12:57pm

Stop spying on me, shouldn’t you be watching for your lover? Besides its Guy Furry I’m trying to get.

 

**Hawke __**1:01pm

Don’t be cranky, today is a special day. You get to graduate and we all get to finally learn your full name

 

**Anders __**1:04pm

Laugh it up Birdie and don’t be so sure

 

**Hawke __**1:06pm

Who the hell did you bribe to get them to list you as just Anders in the program???

 

***

 

 

_Elle Bagat_

“So many people with decorations on their hats, I could spend all day just looking at them,” Merrill mused.

_Sayer Beck_

“You do realize that we took up an entire row right?” Carver said as they watched the Sciences graduates walk up for their diplomas.

 

_Lynn Coustair_

“There’s a lot of us, it’s not that strange,” Bethany responded, fanning herself with a program.

 

_Makayla Preserve_

“Of all the days for the weather to decide to heat up it chose today; it’s only May. I should not be sweating in May,” Isabela moaned.

 

_Ariane Wolf_

“Quiet guys, they’re moving onto the Lit graduates. I wanna make sure we hear his name,” Hawke hissed, silencing them.

 

_Fenris Bellator_

Hawke and the rest of them jumped up and cheered as Fenris walked across the stage to accept his diploma, a furious blush spreading across his face. The look in his eyes was one of such happiness that Hawke found herself tearing up a bit.

 

“He looks so handsome Marian,” Leandra said, grasping onto her arm. Hawke nodded and smiled as his eyes caught hers while he went back to his seat. She blew him a kiss and he laughed as he caught it and pressed it to his heart.

 

_Ranna Dylin_

“Hawke that’s gonna be us next year, I can’t believe its already happening for Fenris and Anders,” Merrill said excitedly.

 

_Fleur Foster_

“I know seems like only yesterday I was in the middle of the library when Anders suddenly flopped down next to me and said ‘Hey you’re that bird girl in my Prep and Breakfast class’.”

_Ami Kan_

“Bird girl?” Sebastian asked with a laugh.

 

_Misty Saloon_

“Yup and after that he pretty much always called me Birdie. No matter how many times I asked him not to.”

 

The Literature graduates were finished and the Humanities were filing up. Isabela was fidgeting and Merrill poked her in the side causing, her to shriek. Leandra shook her head and shushed each of them, causing a widespread look of solemnity as they all felt the burn of the ‘mom stare’.

 

_Lacey Darth_

“Yes! Oh she took the opportunity and ran with it!” Hawke cheered seeing the Darth Vader design on the girls cap. “Mom can we change our last name to Darth? I feel like I would have led a more exciting life if my last name was Darth.”

 

_Frank N. Berry_

“Nope, changed my mind, that’s a much cooler name.”

 

“Honestly Marian, do you ever just for a moment sit quietly?”

 

_Castiel Verse_

“You’re asking this question after twenty two years?”

 

“Quiet the culinary students are lining up!” Isabela interrupted them. They watched as Anders walked towards the stage; he looked towards Isabela and gave her a wink.

 

_FFFWEEEEEEHHNNN Anders_

Isabela laughed as she put the air horn back into her purse, giggling at the incredulous looked she received.

 

“Seriously?” Hawke said to her while rubbing her ear.

 

“What can I say, he is very persuasive.”

 

***

 

The caps flew into the air but Fenris held onto his. He wasn’t willing to risk it when Hawke had put so much time into it. Instead he held on and marched through the crowd looking for a familiar blonde ponytail. He saw Anders standing alone with a pensive look on his face that melted into a smile when their eyes met.

 

“We did it,” Fenris said locking him into a hug.

 

“I still can’t believe it.”

 

“Well perhaps a few drinks will let the memory sink in.”

 

“I don’t know if I am really in much of a party mood,” Anders said quietly as they walked towards the crowd, looking for Hawke and the rest of their friends.

 

“You will be, trust me.”

 

“Do you wish your parents were here? Are you sad at all that they missed this?”

 

“I try not to think about it. Can’t change the past.”

 

“Yeah, at least you know they would want to be here, if they were alive.”

 

“Well the good news is while your parents may not be here. There is someone who did travel a bit of a ways to come watch this.”

 

“What?”

 

“Look,” Fenris said, pointing to a group that had gathered together.

 

Anders looked up to see Hawke, Isabela, Merrill, and Varric smiling at him. He held back a choked sob when he saw that with them were Bethany, Carver, Sebastian, and Leandra. They were holding up a large banner that read _CONGRATULATIONS!!!_. Written underneath in Isabela’s recognizable handwriting was _THEY REALLY WILL LET ANYONE IN!_

“Shit,” Anders said rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

 

“You’ve got a family in us, never forget that.”

 

“Looks like you’ve got a family too,” Anders pointed to three people who had joined their friends. Fenris smiled and held back his own tears as Rickard, Elle, and Dorothea waved to him.

 

“You know together we’ve got enough baggage to drown a boat, right?” Fenris quipped.

 

“Yeah, and yet look. There they are: our family.”

 

“I don’t know about you Anders, but I consider myself to be one of the luckiest people alive right now. I’m glad you’re here with me today.”

 

“Fuck man, I’m already crying as it is.”

 

“Well then let’s tough it up and go celebrate. We earned it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may have noticed some names being mentioned during the graduation. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has commented, Beta'd, and kept me going throughout this whole fic. So I did my best to turn user names into actual names.   
> To those of you who have been there from the beginning thank you. To those who are only just now discovering this fic, welcome and thank you.  
> The sheer outpouring of comments and kudos are at times almost overwhelming. I never knew just how far this fic would end up going and I'm still surprised how many people love it. So again from the bottom of my heart, Thank You


	21. Chapter 21

“So I finally get to see this night club you invested in,” Leandra commented over dinner. Varric and Hawke had decided there was no point owning a night club if they didn’t take advantage of it to throw a massive graduation party for Anders and Fenris. The fliers they put all over campus promised free admission to anyone who graduated that day from FMU. Gallows graduates could get in for free as well, even though their graduation wouldn’t be until the following week. Leandra had decided to stay in Kirkwall for the rest of the week to be there for Sebastian’s graduation.

 

“Yeah, it’s pretty awesome. I’m still surprised you want to go,” Hawke replied.

 

“Well I’m here for a week, so it will be nice to see all the sights I keep hearing about. It’s too bad I have to stay in a hotel, would be nice to have somewhere to stay when I come to visit up here,” she said offhandedly.

 

Hawke did her best to not glare at her mother. The house had been brought up only a few times in recent memory, by Leandra of course.

 

“Only two more semesters here for me mom. I may not even decide to stay in Kirkwall after that so there’s no point in really settling down.”

 

“I suppose, though having a summer home isn’t such a bad idea.”

 

“I’m not the sort of person who needs or wants a summer home mom.”

 

“Marian, I heard you got a position at a bakery in Redcliffe; that sounds exciting,” Bethany interrupted, knowing the conversation could only get worse if allowed to continue.

 

“Yeah, but umm I’m thinking of maybe turning it down to stay in Kirkwall for the summer,” Hawke murmured staring down at her plate.

 

“No, you’re not,” Fenris interjected. He knew exactly why she was suddenly considering this. Now that they knew he had the job she was trying to find a reason to stay in Kirkwall for the summer with him.

 

“Well, plans change you know.”

 

“Not for this, no.”

 

“What is going on?” Isabela asked impatiently. Hawke and Fenris both looked up to see everyone at the table staring at them. Fenris sighed and took Hawke’s hand before addressing them.

 

“I got the internship position.”

 

The table erupted in congratulations and Fenris felt himself choking up again.

“I knew you would get it Broody,” Varric said, reaching across the table to shake his hand.

 

“Wait, what does this have to do with Marian suddenly changing her mind about the baking job?” Leandra asked.

 

“I’m leaving at the end of August. I’ll be gone for a year, traveling across Thedas. I’ll be able to come back here and visit, but not often. Hawke seems to be set on giving up the job she wants to spend more time here with me before I go.”

 

“Listen, it was a stupid thought and obviously one I have been told I’m not allowed to have so we can just drop it,” Hawke said, folding her arms. Isabela took the opportunity to ask Carver questions about the army, and Varric managed to distract everyone else by asking if anyone wanted to hear about his new serial he had planned.

 

“We will figure something out Hawke; please don’t fret over this tonight. Please, I want to enjoy tonight and celebrate, not have to worry about what little time we may or may not have together,” he said softly in her ear. Hawke felt horrible, this was Fenris’s and Anders’ night, and here she was making a mess of it.

 

“I’m sorry; I just, I knew you would get the job. We should have made plans based on that.”

 

“I’m glad you believed in me Hawke. Makes me want to do it more myself. Let’s enjoy tonight for what it is and tomorrow we can figure out how to see as much of each other as we can. You’re still here another week, we do have that.”

 

***

 

Leandra lasted an hour at the Deep Roads before excusing herself back to her hotel room, claiming she was tired.

 

“I will see you all tomorrow for a late lunch, I know not a one of you is going to be awake and functional come breakfast time,” she said before departing.

 

Hawke spent most of the night trying to come up with ideas for what she and Fenris would do with the week they had together. She was musing to herself when Fenris grabbed her by the hand and pulled her onto the dance floor.

 

“You’ve been apart from me for too long tonight,” he said as he pulled her hips against his.

 

“Trying to figure out plans for us.”

 

“Don’t put so much focus on what we do Hawke, I don’t care so long as I get to see you every day I can.”

“I’m so proud of you.”

 

“I know, you keep telling me that.”

 

“I won’t stop either. You just graduated and were offered the job of a lifetime, what are you going to do now?” she asked with a laugh and his puzzled expression was her only answer. “Seriously you’ve never heard that line; they say it to athletes all the time after the big game. You’re supposed to say I’m going to Disney!”

 

“I’ve never been to Disney.”

 

“Seriously? We need to fix that, this week we can go to…no that won’t work. Have you ever been to an amusement park Fenris?”

 

“Anything beyond a carnival, no.”

 

“I know where we can go then, Six Flags: Wildervale. It will be perfect and I can’t in good conscious let you go another summer with going to an amusement park.”

 

“Will we be riding the ferris wheel again?” he said with a smirk and she glared at him.

 

“You think you are so funny.”

 

“You’re right that wasn’t funny, but the thought of you covered in powdered sugar screaming your head off on a roller coaster? That is funny. I’d love to go Hawke.”

 

“Perfect, we’ll go Sunday then. Less people likely to be there.”

 

“Are we inviting anyone else?”

 

“Do you want to?”

 

“This time? No, just you and me Hawke. I’ve had to share you too much as it is.”

 

***

 

“So, Anders. I am curious. Where are you moving to now that you’ve graduated?” Isabela asked as they sat on a couch in a far corner of the club, her legs hiked up over his.

 

“I haven’t heard back from any of the jobs I’ve applied to. Varric said I can stay in his guest room until I find something.”

 

“You could do that, or you could come crash with me until you find something.”

 

“You’re asking me to move in with you?” he said, running a hand up her leg.

 

“No, I’m simply offering you space in my bed and my apartment until you find more suitable accommodations.”

 

“Are you making a commitment to me Bela?”

 

“Don’t be silly Anders; we both know that would never work,” she said, her gaze wandering.

 

“Why not?” he asked with a sad look on his face as he rested his hand on her knee.

 

“Because we don’t know how to settle down. We’d just end up hurting each other.”

 

“Maybe we don’t know how to settle down with other people, but we could because you know...”

 

“If you keep this up I am rescinding my invitation,” she replied with a glare, her lips pursing together.

 

“Sorry I mentioned it, too much to drink, I’m feeling all warm hearted and silly.”

 

“Bela come dance with me!” Merrill said, happily skipping over to them. Isabela planted a kiss on Anders’ cheek and left to dance with Merrill. He watched her go with a wistful look on his face. There were couples all throughout the club dancing together; Bethany and Sebastian were at the bar laughing about something. Carver was hitting on the bartender, who seemed to be enjoying the attention. Hawke and Fenris sat on a couch on the opposite side of the room, their hands intertwined as he whispered something in her ear.

 

He sighed and had to laugh at his own bad luck. When Karl had died, he felt his heart die and swore he would never love again. He didn’t need the complication of a relationship and knew that there would never be anyone who would hold that place in his heart like Karl did. But now, seeing his friends together and in love, it hurt, and not in the way that it used to. It hurt because he had love again, he felt love on a level like he used to. He wanted to love and give all of himself to someone. So of course he would end up falling in love with the one person who thought the same way he used to. He just had to fall in love with the one woman in all of Kirkwall who didn’t believe in it.

 

***

 

“Bela, you all right?” Merrill asked. The song had moved to a heavier beat and they decided to take a break and order drinks. Isabela had been staring off into the distance and didn’t even notice when the bartender put her drink in front of her.

 

“Yeah I’m fine Kitten, sorry. Just thinking about things.”

 

“Like what?”

“Stupid things like love and relationships, something I know absolutely nothing about.”

 

“I’m sure you know about love.”

 

“I understand the concept of love and I have a great deal of love for my friends. But loving just one person... great for everyone, not for me.”

 

“You love Anders though, don’t you?”

 

Isabela was taken aback by Merrill’s statement. She and Anders had an arrangement that benefited both of them. They had sex, glorious wonderful sex, and went their separate ways when it was all said and done. There were a few nights he stayed and they cuddled, but that wasn’t because of feelings. Sometimes you just wanted to sleep next to a person. They had been doing this for months though. When was the last time she had been on a date that wasn’t with Anders? When was the last time she slept with someone who wasn’t Anders? When the hell did Anders become a singularity in her life?

 

“I love Anders the same way I love all of you, as a friend and nothing more.”

 

“If you say so.”

 

“Do I need to prove I am not attached to him? Shall I go find some random person and take them home for fun?”

 

“If that’s what you want to do. I didn’t say you needed to convince me of anything.”

 

“No but you implied it. Ah, would you look at that. Tall, dark, and handsome across the bar. If you’ll excuse me I have an evening of fun to make happen.”

 

It was too easy sometimes to do what she did. To find someone, anyone, chat them up, have a drink, and have them go home with her. It used to be something she prided herself on. She was young, attractive, and could charm the pants of anyone, male or female. She didn’t keep track of who she slept with, didn’t bother remembering names. What was the point? She wasn’t looking to settle down; she was looking to have fun.

 

So why was she thinking about Anders as her lips met someone else’s? Why was the look in his eyes staying with her, even as she invited her new friend home for the night? He didn’t even look angry. Anger she could work with; she could toss that back at him and say he had no right. They made no promises and had agreed from the very beginning of their entanglement that they were both free to do and see who they liked.

 

Hurt.

 

That’s all she saw in his eyes. She had hurt him and she had done it almost deliberately without any provocation. To do what? Prove a point? Not even to prove a point to anyone but herself. She was trying to prove to herself that she didn’t love Anders. That she didn’t need him or the ridiculous attachment she seemed to have developed. She had invited him to come live with her, why? This could only end badly. This, whatever it was, needed to end.

 

“So are you ever going to invite me up there? Or are we going to do it here in the alley?”

 

“Actually you’re going home. I’m suddenly not in the mood for…this.”

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“Quite serious, run along home, I’m closed for the night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally I have something to say here in the notes but I find myself for the first time at a loss for words.
> 
> In the last few days I have received so many wonderful comments from people that I actually found myself crying it was so wonderful. I love writing this, I love creating this story, and I love that so many people are enjoying it. Top it off that tomorrow, March 5th is my birthday, has made this week just absolutely perfect.
> 
> So this is the part where I do a tiny bit of self promotion as you all know I have two lovely betas, Broody and Emma. They are the ones who correct all my messed up grammar, let me know when I could definitely use a better word, and when I have used the word 'said' way too many times. As a result of the three of us talking pretty much every day we created a story together. If you would be so kind as to take a look at it we would be oh so grateful. We March as One, is set in the Inquisition time-frame, and features our lovingly created OC's who we will end up running through the gauntlet of angst, with no shame what so ever.
> 
> Again, thank you always for your love and support of my work.


	22. Chapter 22

In hindsight, Fenris realized he should have known he would be woken up at an unreasonable hour when Hawke had them into bed by nine, citing the need for a good night's sleep. He had laughed at her and stayed awake as she slowly fell asleep next to him. He loved to watch her sleep; it was one of the rare times that she was still enough for him to really look at her and take in all her features. The way her nose twitched when she was dreaming, her lips sitting slightly parted as she breathed, and the gentle rise and fall of her chest. All of those things were quickly forgotten when she woke him up at seven in the morning.

 

“Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

 

“Hawke why are you waking me up? Go back to sleep.”

 

“We have to get up and get on the road! Come on lazy bones. I told you to get a good night's sleep; did you stay awake reading?”

 

Fenris groaned and rolled onto his stomach, hoping she would take the hint and just climb back into bed with him. Instead, she ripped the covers off of him and he instinctively curled into the fetal position against the sudden chill.

 

“Why? Why are we up this early?”

 

“Uhhh, we’re going to the amusement park remember? Need to be on the road if we want to get there when they open.”

 

“When they open? What’s wrong with the getting there around, I don’t know, noon?”

 

“The lines will be long by then. Need to get there early so we can ride the really good coasters first.”

 

“Hawke.”

 

“Fenris trust me. This is how these things work. Now get up before I find a cup of water to throw on you.”

 

He groaned again and slowly willed himself out of bed. She was already prepared with clothes for him and he had to laugh as she tried to dress him. When her fingers touched his hips as she pulled his shorts on, he shivered and pulled her in to kiss her.

 

“Nuh uh, no kisses; I don’t trust you to not pull me back into bed.”

 

“If you don’t kiss me, I will get back into bed until you do.”

 

She grinned and leaned forward to give him a peck on the lips, and he grabbed onto her. Pulling her into his lap, he kissed her deeply and smiled to himself as her hands caressed against his cheeks.

“Happy now?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good now get the rest of your clothes on. I’m gonna make sure we have everything we need.”

 

He shook his head but let her go and watched as she puttered around the studio, grabbing onto what seemed like a random selection of items. She seemed to know what she was doing, though, so he didn’t bother to question. Once they were in the car, the fatigue he was feeling took over and he passed out within minutes of their departure.

 

“Fenris, we’re here.”

 

He opened his eyes slowly and for a moment, he thought he might still be dreaming. It wasn’t that he had never seen an amusement park before--hard to miss when passing by on the highway--but he had never been this close. There were no words to describe the feelings he had; was this normal? Was he supposed to be in awe of the sheer size of it?

 

“It’s…huge.”

 

“One of the biggest in the Free Marches.”

 

“I…I don’t know what to say.”

 

“You don’t say anything Fenris; you just go in and have fun. Happy Graduation.”

 

***

 

Hawke had to laugh at the look on his face as they approached what was advertised at the _Tallest Coaster in Thedas_ – _The Archdemon_. His eyes widened as he stared up at the vertical drop and he gulped slightly.

 

“That’s ummm...really high.”

 

“Are you afraid of heights, Fenris?”

 

“No! Just remember how I said that I’ve never been to an amusement park? Well that includes having never been on one of these.”

 

“Seriously? All that traveling around and you never went on a roller coaster?”

 

“Not one this big.”

 

“We can skip this if you want. But I, for one, am an advocate of these, and can guarantee once you ride it, you’ll want to do it again.”

“All right; let’s do this.”

 

“One more suggestion, and you can say no if you want to. But, first time, should be in the front row.”

 

“The front?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Fasta vass.”

 

His hands were almost shaking when the lap bar was pushed down, and she rested her hand on his knee to give it a squeeze. He took it from her in an iron grip, and she could feel his palms were ice cold and clammy. When the ride started, he gasped and tightened his grip on her hand even further. The car began the ascent and she had to laugh.

 

“What is so funny? We’re willingly allowing ourselves to be plummeted and you’re laughing?” he asked her incredulously.

 

“It's just I think I had the same reaction the first time my father put me on one of these with him.”

 

“And did he hold your hand too?”

 

“Yeah. Here it comes. Are you ready?”

 

“No, but it's not like I can sto……..”

 

***

 

Adrenaline surged through him as they dropped, and he swore he heard an inhuman girlish scream before he realized it came out of him. He was screaming like a little girl, they were shooting along a track at god knows what speed, there was no escape…and he loved it.

 

He could feel every twist and turn as it shifted his body next to hers and despite no longer feeling any fear he held onto her hand. It just felt like the right thing to do. They coasted over another hill and she threw her hand up in the air, still holding his, and let out a whoop. A flash bulb went off and he realized a picture had been taken. Oh god what did he look like?

 

When they pulled back into the docking station, he could still feel his heartbeat as it threatened to burst from his chest.

 

“Well?” she asked him, brushing her wind blown hair from her eyes.

 

“Again.”

 

***

 

As they day wore on and the sun was high the sweltering heat began to take a toll on them. Hawke had reapplied her sunscreen more times than she could count and could already tell she would have some color before the day was over.

 

“I envy you and your ability to either be tan or bronze; have you ever had a sunburn in your life?” Hawke asked as they stood in the shade, trying to decide where in the park to head to next.

 

“You’re going to hit me if I say no.”

 

“No I’m not.”

 

“Still not answering.”

 

“Fine. God, it is so hot. I know where we’re going next; it’s the only ride I think I can stand being on in this heat.”

 

***

 

“Why in the world would anyone be willing to ride that?” he asked after they departed the log flume, both soaked through.

 

“To cool down,” she replied with a laugh.

 

“But now my clothes are wet, my hair is wet, and my socks! Hawke, my socks are wet!”

 

“No wonder Anders likes you so much; you’re just a kitty in a man suit.”

 

***

 

“Look at my face! Oh my god, what am I doing?”

 

“Being scared by the cheap make-up on the axe murderer.”

 

“Listen, I was not expecting him to jump out at me from the right. The paneling on the left side of the wall looked like it was a hidden door, so naturally I expected someone to come out of there.”

 

“So you didn’t even notice the huge empty space on the right where he was obviously hiding?”

 

“Just shut up and promise me no one ever sees this picture.”

“Not a chance; I am keeping this one forever. I might even buy two copies.”

 

***

 

“You have powdered sugar all over you Hawke.”

 

“Of course I do! I’m eating funnel cake! Where else would it go but all over me?”

 

“You know, there’s this crazy invention called a napkin.”

 

“Pffft, napkins. Tongues are better,” she said as she slowly sucked the sugar off of her fingers. She offered him her other hand; she giggled when he nibbled the tip of her finger as he licked the sugar off. “See, tongues are better.”

 

“Indeed, especially when there’s sugar right in the corner of your mouth.”

 

***

 

_“WINNER!!!”_

 

“Top tier prize sir; what will it be?”

 

“Lady’s choice,” Fenris said smiling at Hawke.

 

“I have never in my life won a top shelf prize. I have no idea what to pick. Wait, can I do two mid-level instead?”

 

“Hawke?”

 

“Trust me.”

 

“Yeah, we do that all the time. Which two?”

 

“That one and that one.”

 

Fenris watched in puzzlement as the stuffed animals were handed over and finally asked when they walked away the explanation behind it.

 

“This one is named Hawke, and it’s for you. This one is Fenris, and it’s for me.”

 

“It’s a bird and a dog.”

 

“Well they didn’t have an _actual_ hawk and an _actual_ wolf, so I had to improvise.”

 

“I love it.”

 

***

 

**Hawke __**3:34pm

Look it’s us :)

 

**Bethany __**3:36pm

That’s a budgie and a beagle…

 

**Hawke __**3:38pm

It’s a hawk and wolf in my eyes

 

**Bethany __**3:40pm

Well then maybe you should get glasses

 

***

 

Fenris stared up at the flying swings with a look of awe on his face. He imagined what it must feel like to have the wind streaming in your face, and feel the heat of the sun as it shone down. Hawke bumped her hip into his, and he smiled at her.

 

“You wanna go on it?” she asked.

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“Afterwards we should do the teacups.”

 

“Hell no.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“We just got done eating funnel cake, cotton candy, and popcorn. I’d prefer it to stay in my stomach.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

***

 

_The Grey Warden Birds of Prey: Aerial Feats, Comedy, and Feathers._

“Good evening everyone and welcome to our show! I am Alistair Theirin and this is my lovely wife, Lynn.”

 

“We’re happy to have you all here, but unfortunately we can’t start the show just yet.”

 

“Why is that, dear?”

 

“Tabris is missing.”

 

“She was just in her cage this morning.”

 

“Yes, well, she got out; she’s sneaky like that.”

 

“Well, we can’t start without her. Hey kids! You want to help us find the star of our show?”

 

A resounding chorus of cheers broke out from the children seated in the front row. Fenris rolled his eyes and turned to see Hawke giggling. He shook his head and laid an arm over her shoulders. As soon as she saw the advertisement she insisted that as a Hawke she was obligated to see ‘hawks’.

 

Hawke joined in with the crowd in calling out for the wayward bird known as Tabris. Fenris couldn’t help but smile when she gasped at seeing the silver winged falcon come into view. Tabris circled overhead several times before going into a dive towards her handler. Alistair ducked as Tabris came at his head.

 

“Lynn, I thought you taught her that swooping is _bad_!”

 

“I did; I guess she just didn’t listen.”

 

“You’re actually enjoying this?” Fenris asked quietly into her ear.

 

“Of course I am, now be quiet I think they’re bringing out another bird,” she said, as Lynn brought out a large black bird.

 

“He's a special crow native to Antiva--more of a predator than a scavenger, and he's named for a good friend of ours. Please give a warm welcome to Tabris's favorite flying partner, Zevran.”

 

The crow and the falcon circled around the crowd doing dives and coasting just over people's heads. With a shrill whistle from Alistair both birds returned and were settled into a cage together. Hawke cooed at seeing them snuggle together.

 

“Isn’t that just the sweetest thing?”

 

“They’re birds…”

 

“Where is your sense of romance? Love is blind, Fenris, no matter what world it’s in.”

 

Later in the show, when volunteers were asked for, Hawke leapt out of her seat with her hands raised as high as she could. She let out a happy squeal when she was called down. Fenris laughed when Alistair was almost caught off guard at her name.

 

“Your name is seriously Hawke?”

“Marian Hawke, yes.”

 

“Damn, never had that happen before. Well we were going to save this lovely creature for later, but Hawke, I’d like you to meet Delilah, the Red-Tailed Hawk.”

 

Fenris grabbed Hawke’s camera out of her bag so he could capture the moment. Her eyes were lit up, and the smile she wore took over her face. She held her arm up steadily as the raptor was placed on the glove they had given her. Her eyes teared up as she followed the commands she was taught to release Delilah into flight, and how to signal her to return. The hawk leaned forward and gave her a small head butt before she was taken back by her handlers, and Fenris knew that would be the moment Hawke kept with her for the rest of her life. She couldn’t stop smiling as she came back to her seat next to him.

 

“Let me guess: you want one now, don’t you?”

 

“Yes!”

 

***

 

“Feet hurt.”

 

“You’ve been saying that for the last five minutes.”

 

“Hasn’t changed.”

 

“We’re almost to the exit.”

 

“Still have to walk to the car.”

 

“If you can make it to the exit, I will carry you to the car.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, but you have to stop complaining that your feet hurt every two minutes.”

 

When they reached the exit, Hawke turned to him with a smile; he shook his head and rolled his eyes.

 

“So what will it be? Piggy back or Princess?”

 

“Piggy back; I’m no princess.”

 

“To me you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a chapter of fluff and nothing but fluff. It was lovingly crafted through several prompts from my skype group and honestly wouldn't exist without them.
> 
> Thanks as always for your comments and I hope you guys keep sticking around, Part 2 is nearly complete.
> 
> Broody and Emma, I adore you.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hawke __**12:45pm

I miss you

 

**Fenris __**12:49pm

I miss you too

 

**Hawke __**12:52pm

I had a dream about you last night

 

**Fenris __**12:53pm

Did you now?

 

**Hawke __**12:55pm

A sexy dream

 

**Fenris __**12:57pm

Tell me

 

**Hawke __**12:59pm

Later tonight, when we’re alone

 

**Fenris __**1:01pm

I’m looking forward to it

 

***

 

“Purple?”

 

“No.”

 

“Blue?”

 

“No.”

 

“Silver?”

 

“What? No.”

 

“Periwinkle?”

 

“Now you’re just naming random colors.”

 

“Are you even wearing underwear?”

 

Fenris shot Isabela a look rather than answer her question. She shrugged and halted their conversation when a customer walked in. As contrite as she wasn’t she made sure to maintain a level of professionalism when customers were present. At least ones who weren’t familiar with her brand of humor. Once they shop was empty again she turned back to Fenris and snickered, seeing him look down at his phone with a blushing grin.

 

“No sexting on the clock. At least not while I’m not getting any.”

 

“How is that even possible?”

 

“Anders turned down my invitation to stay with me until he gets his own place. That decline seemed to also signal the end of our other arrangement.”

 

“I’m surprised you didn’t have someone waiting in line to fill his spot.”

 

“I am capable of going for days without sex, how are you holding up? She’s been gone three weeks now.”

 

“I miss her, but I’ll be seeing her this weekend. The texting helps and we’ve skype chatted a few times.”

 

“Yeah but nothing beats the real thing, you can watch her on a screen but you’re not getting to touch.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Sex Fenris, I’m talking about the fact that you haven’t gotten it in three weeks and you’ll be spending the weekend with her. I can only assume if you’re left alone you’ll break the bed.” Fenris blushed and coughed and Isabela’s eyes widened when she realized what that meant. “Oh my god you still haven’t fucked her?”

 

“That is none of your business and don’t talk about it like that!”

 

“Fenris, are you kidding me? You’re a grown man dating a grown woman. You’re both young and attractive how are you not fucking?”

 

“Could you please just stop referring to it like that?”

 

“What, fucking?”

 

“Yes,” he growled, his lips curling into a sneer.

 

“You have fucked before right? I mean this isn’t you being some squeaky clean virgin afraid to get his whistle wet?”

 

“Isabela, I am going to walk out that door, friendship and apartment be damned.”

 

“What is wrong with the word fuck?!”

 

“Because I don’t want to fuck her! Because I have fucked more times than I can remember. Because to me fucking just means filling a need and then leaving before they wake up. I don’t want to fuck Hawke because I want more than that. You keep talking about sex like it’s no big deal. Well to me it is, because I’ve never felt like this before and…you’re making it sound cheap.”

 

“Wow, you really fell hard didn’t you?”

 

“In more ways than you can imagine.”

 

“No I can imagine it, I’ve been there before. I just came out of it differently than you I guess.”

 

“I’m never going to tell you the way you live your life is wrong. It’s your life and I lived that life too. It just wasn’t making me happy anymore.”

 

“So what’s stopping you from being intimate?”

 

“I’ve never slept with someone and stuck around; I’ve never been with someone that way that I had feelings for.”

 

“So you think that by sleeping with her, you take away all the feelings you have?”

 

“What if it changes things?”

 

“It’s going to change things, sex always does. But it doesn’t have to be a bad change. Just a change.”

 

***

 

One thing Merrill loved about spending the summer in Lothering was the trees. Kirkwall was gray and noisy. Lothering was green and quiet. When she didn’t have work Merrill would be up just before dawn to go running. She stood in the driveway and did her stretches, bending down to grab the back of her ankles when she heard a slight cough. She parted her legs slightly and saw Carver behind her with a slight blush across his cheeks.

 

“Hello,” she said, looking at him upside down.

 

“That’s impressive,” he said, running a hand along the back of his neck.

 

“I’m just over five feet tall, less of me to bend.”

 

“Still…are you going for a walk?”

 

“A run actually. Used to do it all the time back in Sundermount. Less so in Kirkwall, too noisy and the only place to go for a proper run always left me feeling a bit sad.”

 

“Why’s that?”

“When the only trees you can see were purposely planted around a purposely created lake it gets old fast. I could probably draw Viscounts Park from memory and tell you the type of tree and how long it’s been there and which flowers will be blooming.”

 

“Mind if I join you? Sergeant suggested doing a run every other morning while I’m on leave so I don’t lose my stamina.”

 

“Sure, but you’re not going to get nearly as much exercise as I am.”

 

“We can start out slow if you want.”

 

“Are you afraid you won’t be able to keep up with me? I run like a halla.”

 

“Have it your way, first one to town center buys the other a smoothie.”

 

“Oh you are on!”

 

***

 

**Isabela __**6:34pm

I have a bottle of our favorite whiskey

 

**Varric __**6:36pm

You always did know how to get my attention

 

**Isabela __**6:39pm

I’m on my way home now. Want to head over around 7:30?

 

**Varric __**6:42pm

That depends, am I leaving Blondie home?

 

**Isabela __**6:44pm

He is more than welcome to join.

 

**Varric __**6:47pm

Uh huh, I will relay the message then.

 

***

 

“Remind me again why you didn’t take her up on her offer?” Varric asked Anders as they walked to Isabela’s apartment.

 

“Because it would have complicated things.”

 

“Things were already complicated, maybe that would have fixed it.”

“I told her how I felt; she dismissed me, and left with someone else that night.”

 

“So you’re just giving up?”

 

“It’s for the best Varric; she’s right, we’d only end up hurting each other.”

 

“Seems to me you’re already hurting each other without the complication of living together.”

 

“Can we talk about something else please?”

 

“All right, but eventually you are going to regret this. Both of you in fact.”

 

***

 

**Hawke __**9:39pm

Should I ever express doubt at whether or not I made the right choice switching to baking I want you to remind me of this day.

 

**Fenris __**9:45pm

A good day I assume?

 

**Hawke __**9:47pm

The head baker’s assistant came down with the flu, I had to finish her work. A 5 tiered wedding cake, had to be finished up in 3 hours.

 

**Fenris __**9:49pm

Did you take a picture of your masterpiece?

 

**Hawke __**9:52pm

*image sent*

As if you had to ask.

 

**Fenris __**9:55pm

It’s beautiful Hawke, absolutely beautiful.

 

**Hawke __**9:57pm

I was really only responsible for assembling the flowers and doing the piping.

 

**Fenris __**9:59pm

I don’t care if all you did was bake the cake itself, Hawke you should be proud.

 

**Hawke __**10:02pm

I am, I really am. Did I tell you I missed you yet today?

 

**Fenris __**10:04pm

No, was starting to worry you didn’t.

 

**Hawke __**10:05pm

Silly, of course I miss you. Wishing it was Friday and not Wednesday, then you’d already be here.

 

**Fenris __**10:07pm

Just two more days love.

 

**Hawke __**10:09pm

I’m exhausted though, text you tomorrow morning. Love you

 

**Fenris __**10:11pm

Love you too.

 

***

 

Merrill was reading in the living room when Hawke walked in and plopped down next to her. Merrill shifted and let Hawke rest her head on her shoulder.

 

“How many more hours?” Merrill asked with a smile.

 

“His train arrives at noon, so three more.”

 

“Are you excited?”

 

“Yes, I missed him so much. I mean I missed him last summer, but it was different. There’s more now you know?”

 

“I remember what it was like for me when I was with Krem.”

 

“Do you miss him at all?”

 

“I miss what we had yeah, but I know we’re better off as friends.”

 

“I saw the most interesting thing when I was driving to work yesterday.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“My brother hauling his ass down Main Street with a certain someone on his back. I passed by too quickly to say anything, but it looked like you were telling him to charge.”

 

Merrill blushed and put a hand over her face.

 

“He lost the race yesterday. Whenever we go on our runs we always start with a race to town center. We make little wagers before we go. He had to carry me home if he lost yesterday.”

 

“What would you have had to do if you lost?”

 

“Give him a kiss,” Merrill said blushing and burying her head in her book.

 

“That ass, I am going to kill him.”

 

“No, Hawke, don’t. It was just a silly thing I swear. Don’t get upset, it didn’t bother me. If it had I would have smacked him you know that. He was being cute and silly.”

 

“Merrill, be honest, do you like my brother?”

 

“I mean, he’s nice, and despite not having a lot in common we really do have a lot to talk about. But I don’t see him that way. He’s your brother and that’s a big enough complication as it is.”

 

“So if he wasn’t my brother?”

 

“Maybe, he won’t ever stop being your brother though. So there really isn’t a point to thinking about it. Besides he’s with someone.”

 

“Pffft Peaches. Back on again are they?”

 

“Are they ever actually off? I don’t understand them.”

 

“Carver likes being wanted and Peaches likes how Carver looks. Eventually one of them will realize that’s not enough to keep having a relationship. Listen, if you were ever actually genuinely interested in Carver and you held back because of me, then I’m sorry.”

 

“Oh Hawke trust me, it wasn’t anything more than a passing thought.”

 

“Merrill, should that thought ever come back, go for it. You deserve to be happy.”

 

“You really are my best friend.”

 

“And you are mine, always.”

 

***

 

“Blondie, for the love of god can you at least put on some pants?” Varric yelled when he walked into his living room to find Anders on his laptop wearing only boxers.

“These don’t count as pants?”

 

“No. Listen, I don’t mind you living here. You cook, you clean, and you don’t bother me when I’m writing. But your penchant for wearing next to nothing is a bit tiresome. You don’t even need to wear a shirt, but pants, please wear some pants.”

 

“You don’t mind me going shirtless because my sparse chest hair makes you feel manly.”

 

“There’s not a man in this world whose chest hair could ever match mine. You could be a bear and it still wouldn’t be this glorious.”

 

Anders was about to retort when his phone started ringing. He put a hand up to signal the conversation wasn’t over before answering. Varric chuckled to himself and mimicked pants before walking off to the dining room to turn on Bianca.

 

“This is Anders speaking.”

 

While Bianca booted up Varric kept an ear out to listen. Anders had been sending out his resume to every four and five star restaurant in Thedas. It had been nearly a month with almost no response and Anders had lamented that he might need to set his sights lower if he wanted any hope of employment. The monetary support he received from his mother was soon to be cut off. Anders suspected that his father’s influence had something to do with it.

 

“No I would not have a problem relocating.”

 

Varric looked up at that. He expected that Anders might leave Kirkwall; go elsewhere to seek his fame and fortune. But he hadn’t expected him to be so flippant about it. Months ago he had talked about trying to stay in the Free Marches, wanting to stay close to everyone.

 

“I have experience with the regional cuisine yes, it was a requirement.”

 

Varric shook his head. Isabela was his best friend, he loved her dearly. He had watched her sail through life with nary a care for love or attachments. When she and Anders had started spending more time together, he thought, no he hoped that it would become permanent. He wanted someone to exist that would love Isabela like he did, someone who would be there with her until the end of her days. Anders was that person, and she was pushing him away.

 

“Excellent yes, I would love to meet with you…Sunday? Yes Sunday is fine. Oh I definitely know the place. Thank you.”

 

Varric snuck back into the dining room and waited for Anders to come join him. He laughed when he walked in wearing loose pants, gesturing to them with a nod.

 

“So job interview?”

 

“Yes, Le Masque du Lion Café, I interviewed with them last year. Now that I’ve graduated they want to meet with me again.”

 

“Orlais then?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Thought maybe you might find something…closer.”

 

“I did too; guess it just isn’t meant to be.”

 

“Well, I’m gonna miss you.”

 

“Who says I’m going to get the job?”

 

“Blondie, I know you’re going to get it.”

 

“Thanks Varric.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 7 more chapters until the end of part 2!!
> 
> Are you excited? I'm excited.
> 
> As always thank you to my skype group and to broody and emma, your voices keep me going :)


	24. Chapter 24

 

_Next stop Redcliffe Station_

 

Fenris felt his stomach flutter when the announcement came over the speakers. He had been feeling endlessly restless as soon as he arrived in Highever and had to wait for the connection to take him to Redcliffe. He missed her, and the longer it took to get to her the more he felt himself growing fidgety. His phone buzzed a familiar tone and he nearly jumped out of his seat.

 

 **Hawke** 11:42am

You’re almost here!

 

 **Fenris** 11:43am

Yes, they just announced redcliffe as the next station

 

 **Hawke** 11:45am

I miss you, get here faster

 

 **Fenris** 11:47am

I already asked the conductor to try warp speed, they didn’t appreciate my joke

 

 **Hawke** 11:49am

Ugh, the nerve of some people

 

 **Hawke** 11:56am

I see your train!!!

 

She was in his arms as soon as he stepped onto the platform, he knew they were being watched but he didn’t care. His lips were on hers before he could take his next breath and his arms held her close. They might have spent longer in their embrace if the train whistle didn’t sound violently causing both of them to jump.

 

“Hi,” she said with a blush to her cheeks.

 

“Hello,” he said back with a smile as he brushed her hair away from her eyes. “Miss me?”

 

“You have no idea.”

 

“If it’s anywhere as much as I missed you, then yes I do.”

 

He took her hand and they walked out to her car; she kept her body to close to his. Her arm looped through his and her cheek rested against it. They shared no words--just took every opportunity to find ways to exchange the lightest of touches while they walked. When they reached her car he grabbed her and pushed her up against it, cupping her chin before bringing his lips back to hers again. He felt like a starved man being fed for the first time.

“I love you,” he whispered against her parted lips.

 

“I love you too.”

 

He pressed a kiss to her forehead before releasing her and smiling at the persistent blush that had been across her cheeks since their first kiss on the train platform. She gave him a shy smile before ducking her head demurely as she walked towards the driver’s side. They climbed into the car and looked at each other again; he swore his cheeks might start to burn from the constant smile he had. He brushed his hand over her cheek again.

 

“Oh, hell,” he said before capturing her mouth again, this time slipping his tongue along her bottom lip. Without another word he pushed the lever to push his seat back and she climbed into his lap, his hands grasping her ass as she grinded herself against him. He groaned desperately, feeling his body respond. Her teeth found the bottom of his ear and his groin jolted in response.

 

“Fenris,” she whispered and he tried to answer but his throat tightened over his words and his only reply was a low growl. His hands began to work their way up her back when they were interrupted by a tapping on the window. They froze and looked at the police officer glaring at them, a horrendous blush creeping across both their faces.

 

“Take it home kids,” he said, before walking off.

 

“I am so glad there isn’t a train station in Lothering,” Hawke said with a sheepish giggle.

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“Because my mother knows every cop in town and we wouldn’t hear the end of it. Are you hungry?”

 

“I am now.”

 

***

 

Hawke took him to her favorite lunch spot in Redcliffe--a small café with an outdoor patio that overlooked Lake Calenhad. He took every opportunity he had to touch her, whether it was to brush her hair from her eyes, run a finger over the top of her hand, or just lean in to press a kiss to her cheek.

 

“So I have a week off in July and the last week of August, of course. Sadly, all the cabins at the lake got booked before my mom or I could look into it. So if you have any ideas for what you’d like to do, I am all ears,” she announced.

 

“I wouldn’t say no to just coming down here again and spending time with you.”

 

“Well I am coming to Kirkwall for the last week of August; Bela and I have a plan in place for your going away party,” she announced, with a devious grin.

 

Fenris groaned at the mention of party but smiled at her none the less. “You really don’t have to do that.”

 

“Yes we do. You are leaving on a worldwide tour. We have to give you a proper send off,” she gestured wildly, with emphasis on _send off_.

 

“All right, but I want my last day to be with just you. No trips. No adventures. Just you and me together.”

 

“I can live with that. Are you ready for dessert?”

 

“Right here in front of everyone? Kinky,” he grinned raising an eyebrow at her.

 

“If we weren’t in public the things I would be doing to you right now.”

 

“Begging me for a back rub while making me watch horrible movies?”

 

“Just for that I’m not buying you pie.”

 

“Whatever will I do without pie?”

 

They walked a short distance to Eamon’s Bakery, where she had been working for the summer. The outside façade was decorated to look like a castle, complete with portcullis detail over the front door.

 

“Eamon got it into his head that a castle somehow conveyed this was a bakery to be taken seriously. But it’s the best one in town and really, I’m quite lucky they gave me the job since it was only for the summer,” she explained as they walked in.

 

“Your portfolio spoke for itself; I’m not surprised they hired you.”

 

“Well his wife is on maternity leave so they needed the extra set of hands. She’s set to pop any day now. You would not believe the agony she gave me for requesting this weekend off. But Eamon stepped in thankfully. Hey Teagan,” she greeted the man behind the counter.

 

“Marian, good to see you,” Teagan said, his voice slightly strained.

 

“Marian? Oh no, she’s here isn’t she?” Hawke asked ominously. Fenris looked at both of them questioningly but a shrill voice told him exactly why they sounded so distraught.

 

_“Teeeeaaaaagaaaaaaannn!!!”_

 

Fenris felt like his eardrums might burst from the noise. Coming from the back room was a woman who, as Hawke had said, was ready to pop. The swell of her belly overtook her entire body, but that didn’t stop her from barking out orders in her shrill, Orlesian accent.

 

“Teagan, the croissants! They are too brown. You left them in too long. I can taste the burning.”

 

“Isolde, you know you’re not supposed to be here. The doctor said…” Teagan began, but was interrupted before he could finish.

 

“Teagan this bakery is my livelihood; I cannot just sit at home and let you run in into the ground.”

 

“Isolde the croissants are fine, we talked about this. You haven’t liked anything that’s come out of the bakery in months; the last cake you made was overloaded with salt and you said it tasted magnificent.” Isolde shook her head before noticing Hawke and Fenris on the other side of the counter.

 

“Oh Marian hello, I did not know anyone was here. Is this the young man then? The one you just absolutely had to take a weekend off for?” she said eyeing him like she was dissecting him for science.

 

“Yes Chef; this is Fenris, my boyfriend. I wanted to bring him by so he could try some of the marvelous desserts we make,” Hawke said with a plastered-on smile that Fenris did his best to not laugh at.

 

“Marvelous yes, when I am the one making them. Teagan is all right, but I know my bakery is suffering without me.”

 

“Isolde, remember that lovely lunch we had the other day with my mother? And she told you the last month is always the hardest? This isn’t even your first pregnancy, you should be a pro by now,” Hawke said, keeping her tone gentle and sweet.

 

“Connor was easy; I had no troubles and we didn’t have a bakery to think about. Rowan, she is being stubborn,” Isolde sniffed before finally breaking down into a wail. “I don’t want to be pregnant anymore!” Hawke rushed forward and took her into a hug, cooing soothing words before moving her to sit down at a table.

 

“Teagan, call Eamon and tell him to come get me. I want to go home. Marian, take whatever you like on the house. Bring home a pie for your mother, tell her thank you again. I am so sorry; it’s the hormones they make me crazy.”

 

Hawke and Teagan exchanged looks that said they were both doing their best to hold back laughter. After a short time selecting as many pastries as they could fit into a box and picking a pie to bring home, they bid farewell to Teagan and made their way back to Lothering.

***

 

“Alright that’s it! Both of you out of the house! _Now!_ ” Leandra yelled after catching them in a tangle of limbs on the couch…twice.

 

“Mom, you can’t just throw us out of the house,” Hawke whined in rebuttal.

 

“Oh yes I can and I am. Go for a walk somewhere; be all over each other somewhere that I don’t have to walk in on it every ten minutes.”

 

“Mom we brought home pie. Look, see? Pie.”

 

“I don’t care if you brought home a hundred pies, go outside!”

 

Hawke took Fenris’s hand and led him out the back door, dodging around her mother who made an attempt to swat her on the behind. She giggled and made a run for the backyard dragging him along behind her. She stopped at the small shed at the edge of the yard and pulled a blanket out of one of the storage bins inside.

 

“Come on, I know exactly where to go!” she said excitedly. She led him a ways into the woods behind her house until they reached a clearing with a brook running through. He looked up and saw a tree house nestled high in the branches of a large oak. It looked old but sturdy.

 

“I thought you weren’t supposed to climb trees?” he asked with a smile.

 

“Dad built it when he realized we were going to climb everything. I haven’t been in it in years. Especially not since…” she trailed off at the end and he squeezed her hand. Thick wooden blocks had been nailed into the trunk as a ladder. He followed her up and was amazed at the size of the single room. Benches had been built into the walls near the window, and a small table sat in a corner with equally small stools next to it. Hawke laid out the blanket in the middle of the room and gestured for him to lie down next to her. He laid flat on his back with an arm propped up under his head. She nestled down next to him on her side, her head resting on his chest and her arm across his stomach; he used his free hand to stroke her arm where it lay.

 

“Feels so strange to be in here without Beth or Carver. I’ve never brought a boyfriend up here ever.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“Didn’t feel right, bringing someone here who didn’t know Dad. They wouldn’t understand why this tree house meant so much to me. Even though I refused to come back here for years, I still wouldn’t let mother tear it down. Carver pitched a fit the next time she suggested it. Said he would take shop class and get books from the library about how to keep it from falling apart.”

“He did a good job, it seems.”

 

“Yeah, it’s one of the last things we have left of him.”

 

“And this,” Fenris said running his fingers along the cuff she always wore. The leather was smooth as though it was still brand new.

 

“Yeah,” Hawke said, trailing off; he could feel her slipping away from him. Not physically, but her mind was running away, and he could sense it.

 

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t like to talk about him,” he pulled her tighter moving his hand away from the cuff in an effort to draw attention away from it.

 

“It’s not that; I love talking about my dad. He was a wonderful man...just a great big bear of a man with a heart to match. Seeing him there on the bed, silent and still...I wish I hadn’t seen that.”

 

“You found him?”

 

“Mom did. Woke up to make breakfast and when she came back to wake him up he was gone. I woke up because I heard her crying and…” a few tears slipped from her eyes and fell onto his chest. Her fingers tightening into his shirt. “He was gone, and there was nothing we could do. Aneurysm. He passed in his sleep...felt nothing.”

 

She sighed for a moment, and he let her compose herself. “I’ve never really talked about it before. I mean, I’ve talked about him dying, but never that I actually saw him before they took the body. That was a rough year for me.”

 

“You lost your father; I am quite aware of how painful it is to lose a parent. It must have been even harder for you, having had him for as long as you did, and yet not getting to have him for as long as you should.”

 

“Between that and my mother falling apart I failed out of my freshmen year of high school, lost my virginity that summer, and got my heart broken.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault.”

 

“I’m sorry for whoever hurt you. I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”

 

“I’m stronger for it in the end. At least, that’s what I tell myself. God, I just totally ruined what is supposed to be a romantic interlude.”

 

“Comforting you, letting you speak your mind, bearing your emotions; I think that’s almost poetic. Sounds pretty romantic to me. But then again I am a nerd.”

“Maybe, but you’re my nerd and I love you just the way you are.”

 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to The Fawx for drawing me the lovely art that accompanied this chapter, its just perfect.
> 
> My skype group as always for reminding me how much they hate me for whats happening in the future.
> 
> And as always to Broody and Emma for beta and for cheering me on.


	25. Chapter 25

When Anders woke up that Sunday to a gloomy sky with a steady drizzle, he sighed. So much for walking to Siren’s Call to clear his mind before the interview. He had nearly asked for the interview to take place at a different location, but didn’t want to deal with the headache of explaining why.

 

_My former fuck buddy owns the place and it's awkward enough being around her when I’m not being scrutinized for a future job._

 

Somehow he didn’t think the chef would appreciate or understand that, and it would not do to make himself already appear to be more of a wreck than he was. The truth was that he didn’t want to leave Kirkwall, hell he didn’t even want to move in with Varric. He wanted to take her up on her offer, but after he handed her his heart and she…pushed it away, he didn’t see there being any other options. He couldn’t move in with her knowing how he felt and knowing that she didn’t feel the same way.

 

_We’d just end up hurting each other in the end…_

He shook his head again and decided that she was right. They weren’t even together and already he was hurting; it could only get worse if they pursued things further. He took a long hot shower and winced a few times when his knees started to lock up; rain always seemed to do that to him. He stretched and did a few exercises before getting dressed hoping to stave off any further troubles. Teal button up shirt, dark brown dress pants, and the tie Isabela had given him as a graduation gift. It was black with a small griffon stitched on it—his old high school mascot. He smiled at his reflection in the mirror; he wasn’t even nervous about the interview. He was nervous about leaving the one place that truly felt like home.

 

***

 

**Bethany __**11:34am

Only 2 more weeks!!

 

**Sebastian __**11:36am

You have no idea how much I am looking forward to this. You’re going to love it up here.

 

**Bethany __**11:38am

Tell me are you absolutely sure you want me there for an entire month?

 

**Sebastian __**11:40am

I would not have suggested it if I didn’t. Are you having second thoughts?

 

**Bethany __**11:42am

Only that you might be.

 

**Sebastian __**11:44am

I can assure you I am very happy to have you up here for as long as you wish to stay.

 

***

 

Isabela smiled when she saw Anders walk into Siren’s Call; she hadn’t seen him in over a week. He had been too quiet when he and Varric had come by for whiskey and cards, like he had something to say but was holding back. He smiled back at her and she noticed he was dressed a bit too impeccably for a random coffee run.

 

“You look nice,” she said without the least bit of flirtation in her voice.

 

“Job interview at noon; couldn’t show up in my preferred daily wear.”

 

“According to Varric that’s usually just boxers, pants if he gives you crap for it,” she replied with a wink which she was pleased elicited a chuckle from him.

 

“I’ve gotten better at that and he knows it.”

 

“So I’m guessing you came for a pick me up before hand and not just to show off that you are actually wearing the tie I bought you.”

 

“Actually the interview is here; your shop is known of even in Orlais. The chef told me he’d read some wonderful reviews and thought it would be a great place to conduct the interview.”

 

“Orlais?” Isabela asked, trying to hold back her surprise.

 

“Yeah, Masque du Lion Café, they interviewed me back when I was still in school. Remember when I bailed out on the club excursion? That was the interview I bailed on it to prepare for. Sent them my resume and portfolio hoping they remembered me, and they did.”

 

“So you might be leaving Kirkwall then?”

 

“I’ve send out resumes all over. This was the first place to call me back.”

 

“Oh, I see. Well then what will you have? On the house for luck.”

 

“Double shot latte, light on the foam, won’t do to have a moustache when I’m trying to look like a professional.”

 

Isabela laughed and it didn’t feel forced. This was good, they were getting back to who they used to be. She prepared his coffee for him and finished off the top with some shaved nutmeg which she knew he liked. When she turned around to hand him his cup she saw him messing with the sleeves of his shirt, pressing out imaginary wrinkles.

 

“You do look great by the way, that color really brings out your eyes,” she remarked, nodding to the shirt. The deep green brought out the amber of his eyes and she resisted the urge to reach out and brush the hair that always fell onto his cheek. How he managed to keep his hair long while still working in a kitchen always amazed her.

 

“Thanks; a gift from my mother. She’s been in touch, said she’s sorry for missing my graduation, but that my father was ill. I’ve decided to just let her think I believe everything she says, it's better that way. Better for her to be happy than for all three of us to be miserable.”

 

“You’re too damn good for her, I tell you that all the time.”

 

“I guess that’s just my lot in life, putting everyone else’s feelings before my own.”

 

“Anders…listen.” She was interrupted by the door chime and she looked to see who had come in. Judging from Anders’ reaction, it was the chef he was waiting to meet. He nodded to her and went to shake the man's hand.

 

Anders changed in front of her almost instantly. He stood straight, his shoulders held high instead of slumped casually, and the carefree smile he usually wore was replaced with one that looked forced. Not that anyone who didn’t know him would notice that; they wouldn’t see how his eyes weren’t crinkling like they did when he was really happy. The way the corners of his mouth twitched when he was about to crack an obscene joke. How when he was thinking he would tilt his head to the left just a little bit.

 

_You shouldn’t be thinking of those things either._

Isabela remembered the one and only time she thought she might love someone. Luis, her high school boyfriend. He had been everything a girl was supposed to want... at least according to her mother. Luis was handsome, rich, and on his way to a successful future with his father's business firm. They met through happenstance, though Isabela was pretty sure her mother had something to do with it. Luis’s mother was a frequent customer of the dry cleaners that Isabela’s mother worked at.

 

Young love, whirlwind romance, everything a girl was supposed to want. He proposed after graduation and Isabela accepted, because it was what she was supposed to do. She did everything she was supposed to do, up until a month before the wedding. Luis no longer enjoyed her casual humor and asked her to refrain from telling tasteless jokes. He started asking her to wear less revealing clothing. She was going to be his wife and she needed to look the part. If this was everything she was supposed to want then why was she so unhappy?

 

After a few drinks with her best friend and a few tears, she knew what she needed to do. Luis caught her in bed the night before the wedding, in between her best friend and his rather attractive girlfriend. Her mother never spoke to her again, telling her she threw away her only chance at a decent future. Isabela sought to prove her wrong. She built herself up, paid for college through the tips she made at the bar where she worked every shift they would give her. Wearing the revealing clothing Luis scoffed at, and telling her dirty jokes, got her more tips than her bartending skills. After four years she had her degree and less than two years after that she opened Siren’s Call. She had proven that she didn’t need anyone to take care of her, to secure her future; she did it on her own. She didn’t need to be tied down, she had herself.

 

_We’ll only end up hurting each other…_

 

***

 

**Isabela __**1:34pm

Hey you, was thinking of you today.

 

**Zev __**1:39pm

Were you now? Fond thoughts I hope?

 

**Isabela __**1:42pm

Very fond thoughts, specifically the night you helped end my engagement ;)

 

**Zev __**1:45pm

Ha! I shall be sure to tell Tabby that we are still on your mind after all these years.

 

**Isabela __**1:49pm

Wow, still together?

 

**Zev __**1:51pm

What can I say, she is the warden of my heart.

 

**Isabela __**1:55pm

I’m happy for you, should come visit me sometime. Kirkwall may not be as glamorous as Antiva. But hey I’m here.

 

**Zev __**1:47pm

I think we’d like that.

 

***

 

**Varric __**1:59pm

Blondie still doing his interview?

 

**Isabela __**2:02pm

Yup

 

**Varric __**2:03pm

Think you can keep him there once its over?

 

**Isabela __**2:05pm

For how long and why?

 

**Varric __**2:07pm

I walked in on him singing to the most ridiculous music I have ever heard in my life, and doing a dance off to it. I wanna see if I can set up a camera to record it if he ever does it again.

 

**Isabela __**2:09pm

Oh god Varric that’s terrible, of course I’ll help. Do you remember the lyrics? I can probably tell you what it was.

 

**Varric __**2:11pm

Some ridiculous song about pouring champagne over himself for being victorious.

 

**Isabela __**2:13pm

Really Varric you’ve never heard of Panic at the Disco?

 

**Varric __**2:15pm

Panic at the Disco? Thanks but I think I’ll stick to Johnny Cash.

 

**Isabela __**2:17pm

You need to get out more, stop spending all your time caressing Bianca

 

***

 

Chef Stroud was Orlesian born and bred. The accent alone gave that away, but he had attended culinary school at FMU like Anders. They spent the first half of the interview sharing stories: about the chefs, the courses, and the mishaps that occurred.

 

“You seriously told Chef Duncan to piss off?” Anders asked in absolute disbelief.

 

“I was a bit more crass than that, but yes I did. I still can't believe he let me pass his class after that. Tell me, does Orsino still give his speech about judging yourself before you even have a chance to learn?”

 

“He does, it stops being as inspiring when you’ve heard it for the tenth time. But I always appreciated him and his lessons.”

 

“This portfolio is superb,” Stroud remarked, looking over the binder Anders had brought with him. “I see you’ve included some of your own recipes in here as well, interesting.”

 

“My friends have always been happy to test out most of my ideas and I make it a point to always write down as I go. Don’t want to try the recipe again and use only a teaspoon of Worcestershire when I used a tablespoon the last time.”

“You have the passion; that much is obvious. This life, it’s not just a job, it’s a calling.”

“Yes it is.”

 

“I guess that really leaves only one question.” He regarded Anders for a moment before continuing. “How do you feel about moving to Orlais?”

 

Anders let the question sink in. Did he want to leave? Did he want to pack up and make a life somewhere else? A year ago he would have said yes instantly. He wouldn’t have given a second thought to leaving Kirkwall and making his life elsewhere.

 

_A year ago you thought you would never love again._

 

He looked at Isabela and smiled wistfully. They’d had their fun and in her own special way she’s healed him. Maybe that was all that was supposed to happen between them. Her eyes met his and he gave her a small nod.

 

“If you tell me there’s a job there waiting for me I’ll make sure I’m there to start as soon as you want me.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know a lot of people really seem to like Anders and Bela together so I apologize if this chapter makes you sad. But I swear this is for the best for both of them you will see.
> 
> I listened to so much Panic at the Disco while writing this chapter I just sort of developed the head canon that Anders loves them and probably sings and dances along whenever one of their songs play.


	26. Chapter 26

**Hawke** 1:34pm

I guess we’ll have to make the going away party a double now what with Anders leaving too.

 

**Isabela** 1:36pm

What are you talking about?

 

**Hawke** 1:38pm

Anders moving to Orlais? He’s leaving the day before Fenris, makes sense to just have one party for both of them yes?

 

**Isabela** 1:40pm

Of course, sorry I almost forgot he was leaving too.

 

**Hawke** 1:41pm

Just gonna be us girls now. I thought he would at least try to stay in Kirkwall, what with you two being involved.

 

**Isabela** 1:43pm

Honey we weren’t involved, we were having sex on a semi regular basis. I’m sure he put a lot of thought into this decision. Good for him, he deserves a chance to find a future.

 

***

 

**Isabela** 1:55pm

So were you just going to disappear and hope that I didn’t notice?

 

**Anders** 1:59pm

Shit, its not what it looks like.

 

**Isabela** 2:03pm

Really because from where I am standing it looks like you decided to tell everyone but me that you were moving to fucking Orlais!

 

**Anders** 2:05pm

I was going to tell you, that’s why I asked you to get together for drinks with me tomorrow night. I wanted to tell you in person, not over the phone or like this.

 

**Isabela** 2:07pm

How long have you known you were leaving?

 

**Anders** 2:10pm

I accepted the job the day of the interview.

 

**Anders** 2:12pm

I should have told you that day. I’m sorry, really I am so sorry.

 

**Isabela** 2:14pm

Were you trying to spare my feelings? Despite our current situation I still considered you one of my closest friends. Do you still consider me that at all?

 

**Anders** 2:15pm

Yes! Of course I do, that’s why it was so hard to tell you. Isabela you are the one thing I am most sad to leave behind. And not just because of the sex ;)

 

**Isabela** 2:17pm

Don’t try to winky face your way out of this. You hurt me.

 

**Anders** 2:19pm

What are you doing tonight?

 

**Isabela** 2:23pm

I have no plans why?

 

**Anders** 2:25pm

I’ll be there tonight with a bottle of red wine and supplies to make you dinner. Please let me make this up to you.

 

**Isabela** 2:27pm

It better be a damn good wine.

 

***

 

“Oh hell,” Bethany said as they pulled up to what could only be called a mansion, though that word didn’t even begin to do justice to describe the sprawling estate. She knew Sebastian came from old money; it was something they had discussed when she spoke of her connection to the Kirkwall Amell's. What she didn’t realize was just how much old money he actually came from. “Is this the part where you tell me you’re really a prince and I’ve been transported into a fairy tale? I mean as wonderful as that sounds I feel like I will need to get my head checked after the fact. Tell me I am hallucinating and this isn’t your house.”

 

“You are not hallucinating, this is indeed my home. Perhaps I should have warned you before we arrived,” Sebastian said with a light laugh. “I don’t like to advertise it; my name is well known enough as it is.”

 

“Vael… oh my god Vael Global? Your family owns Vael Global?” Bethany said feeling a bit lightheaded.

 

“Yes, I’m surprised you didn’t make the connection already.”

 

“I just--Sebastian why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Because it was refreshing to be with someone who didn’t immediately know who I was when I mentioned my last name,” he said with a sigh, reaching out to take her hand. “More often than not I find that people tend to view me differently once they realize who I am and where I come from. Money changes people Beth, not always, but often enough that I have learned some hard lessons from it.”

 

“I guess I can understand that, I mean we’ve discussed what it was like for my mother and her parents. I’m just surprised that this is how you saw fit to tell me. Am I really going to be staying here with you?”

 

“That had been the plan, are you uncomfortable with that? I could see about renting a condo in the city instead.”

 

“No this is fine, just next time warn me. Just you know if you own a menagerie with exotic animals tell me now so I don’t go wandering into a lion pit.”

 

“My dogs are the only animals I own and they are native to the area so no exotic pets my dear. Just me, the dogs, and Papa Vael.”

 

“Your grandfather?”

 

“The one and only.”

 

“I can’t wait!”

 

***

Sebastian had to congratulate himself on the calm veneer he had managed to keep up since Bethany’s arrival at the airport. In truth he was incredibly nervous, not only for her to see his home, but also to meet the only family he had left. As he was introducing her to his grandfather his cell phone rang, a phone call from the office. He apologized and excused himself to take it. Sparing one last look at Bethany with his grandfather he smiled seeing them together.

 

He had never brought anyone home to meet his family; most of the women—and men—he had been involved with in his younger years would never have made it past the front door. Back then he didn’t care; he was the youngest son of the richest family in Starkhaven. His brothers were much older than him and already being groomed to take on roles in the business. Sebastian had no interest in his family’s legacy, he only cared about the money and the fun he could have with it.

 

_One day you’re going to find that money doesn’t bring you happiness, Sebastian. Especially if I decide to cut you off from that money if you don’t shape up and start acting like a responsible adult._

 

His father had made that threat so many times, yet he never acted on it. Sebastian was sure that had been his grandfather's doing.

 

_Let the boy find himself Bernard, you weren’t ready to take on the role of CEO when you were eighteen, why do you expect him to be?_

 

In truth it was his grandfather’s belief in him that had saved the company when tragedy struck. His entire family, mother, father, brothers and their wives, taken when lightning struck the small charter jet they had been on. Sebastian was to have been with them. A family outing to their private home in Rivain. But Sebastian had spent the week beforehand in a daze of alcohol, drugs, and sex with several willing partners. He remembered listening to the last voice mail sent.

 

_Once again the entire family is together and you are not here. Honestly Sebastian what did I do wrong? I don’t understand why your brothers are responsible and you are—well I’ll be blunt, you. If you are not at the house in two days time consider yourself cut off. I’m tired of waiting for you to grow up and take some actual care into the direction your life is going._

 

He listened to his mother’s voice over and over for weeks after the funeral. Wishing just once that at the end she would say _I love you_. That he had been the sort of son who would have heard that as her last words to him, not the exasperation that he heard in her voice.

 

_Prove her last words wrong Sebastian. Pick yourself up, be strong, be bold, and be everything they didn’t think you could be. That is how you will make them proud, by proving them wrong._

 

His grandfather had found him sequestered away in the chantry, ready to pledge himself into service as atonement. Had picked him up by his shirt collar and dragged him out, telling the Grand Cleric she’d have to find someone else to bring into the fold instead. Papa Vael took him on a week long camping trip, and they roughed it the entire time. Tents, campfire, hunting for rabbit and quail, fishing in the early mornings. It had been an enlightening experience, and when they returned home Sebastian was ready to become the man his parents would have been proud to call their son.

 

He had transferred to Gallows U to get away from Starkhaven and the memories that lingered there. Dedicated himself completely to his studies, never taking a break, lest he fall into hold habits. It wasn’t until his final year that he even considered a social life.

 

_Go to a party Sebastian, you don’t have to sequester yourself away forever. If you stop interacting with people you’ll forget how to._

 

Once again Papa Vael always put him on the right path. How he ended up at the Templars’ Halloween party he never quite understood. It was exactly the sort of party he would have gone to in his wilder days. But he never once regretted being there. Standing amongst the drunken frat boys and tipsy ladies in all manner of scandalous costumes was a petite brunette. She was wearing paint spattered clothes and a beret, a placard across her chest saying ‘ _Feed me!’_ ; he laughed at the joke before even speaking to her.

 

When he saw her backing away slowly from another party guest he felt his stomach lurch. He didn’t know if it was the look in her eyes or just the fact that he recognized the man's intentions that caused him to step between them. But nonetheless, it was a decision he would never regret. They had talked all night, exchanged numbers and from that day on he was smitten with her. She was kind, gentle, full of joy, and brought a measure of sunshine to his life.

 

His phone call was brief thankfully. No major disasters, just his assistant looking to confirm his appointments for the following week. He walked back into the room where he had left Bethany and Papa Vael; he was holding her hand and she was smiling that warm hearted smile that always made his knees weak. Her eyes met his and he knew he never wanted her to leave.

 

***

 

**Bethany** 2:46pm

Have you made any plans for the week you have off with Fenris?

 

**Hawke** 2:49pm

Nothing concrete why?

 

**Bethany** 2:51pm

I was talking to Seb and he said he’d be able to take that week off too and you guys could come up here. Plenty of room at the mansion.

 

**Hawke** 2:53pm

If I didn’t know any better I would think you were trying to show off. I’ll ask Fenris but I’m pretty sure the answer will be a yes.

 

**Bethany** 2:55pm

When you see the place you’ll understand trust me.

 

**Hawke** 3:02pm

We’ll be there, looking forward to it.

 

***

 

“Mansion isn’t the right word for this,” Hawke said when they pulled up the drive. She and Fenris had stared open mouthed at the house.

 

“If you can find a better word please tell me, I’ve been trying to think of one for the last two weeks,” Bethany said with a laugh.

 

“You could use the term Manor if you felt that would convey the size better,” Fenris commented. Hawke smiled and planted a kiss on his cheek.

 

“I knew you’d have the answer.”

 

“It has a nice ring to it actually, Vael Manor; I suppose afterwards I could look into a disguise and dispense vigilante justice throughout Starkhaven,” Sebastian added with a grin.

 

“A worthy aspiration,” said Fenris.

 

***

 

“No, no, no I insist!” Hawke said for the fifth time that day. Their week in Starkhaven was winding down to its end and Hawke was insistent on cooking dinner for everyone their last day. They had been spoiled by frequent dinners out, paid for by Sebastian despite protests from Hawke and Fenris every time. “You can’t have me stay in a house with this grand of a kitchen and not let me get to play in it at least once.”

 

“I suppose trying to keep you out of the kitchen even on your vacation is a fruitless pursuit,” Sebastian replied with a sigh.

 

“Keeping Hawke out of the kitchen is a fruitless pursuit regardless of her being on vacation or not,” Fenris added. “She worked at the diner over spring break.”

 

“You were there too,” Hawke said, sticking her tongue out at him. “Now I must insist you both leave the kitchen and let me work my magic. Beth and I have this; now go. Relax, watch a movie, do men stuff!”

 

Sebastian grabbed himself a beer and Fenris kissed Hawke on the cheek before pouring himself a glass of wine. He made a comment about the pool table in the game room and Hawke laughed watching them go.

 

“That should give us at least an hour of alone time I think. Fenris loves a good game of pool.”

 

“Sebastian tried to teach me and needless to say I will not be trying again,” Bethany said with a light giggle. “Since we’re alone, I hoped to talk to you about something important.”

 

Hawke set down the knife she was chopping onions with and gave her sister her full attention. She mentally prepared herself for everything imaginable.

 

“Sebastian has asked me to move in with him.”

 

Hawke grabbed her glass of wine and drank down half in one shot before sitting down. Bethany bit her lip and looked at her uneasily. “You don’t approve?”

 

“What? No!” Hawke said standing up quickly to go to her sister's side, taking her hand she looked her in the eyes before continuing. “I’m just…you’re my little sister, and this is a big step. One I didn’t even realize would happen for you so soon.”

 

“I told him I need to think about it, but the truth is I wanted to talk to you about it first. To see if I’m making the right choice by saying yes.”

 

“Why would you need me to tell you that?”

 

“Because I trust you to always look out for me, to always know what’s good for me.”

 

“I think you proved a few months ago that I’m not always so good at noticing when you need me.”

 

“That was different, I specifically avoided telling you about that. But this…this I need you for.”

 

“Did you tell mom?” Hawke questioned, wondering if that was a conversation she’d be stuck hearing about when she got home.

 

“Of course, she told me she supports me no matter what I decide.”

 

Hawke sighed in relief before thinking about what she should say next. Bethany seemed happier here than she had anywhere else. She was volunteering at a children's museum in the art wing, and had hinted that they might have a paid position opening up.

 

“Well what do you think? Don’t think of what anyone else wants, what do you want?”

 

Bethany took a deep breath and smiled. “I want to stay.”

 

“Well then I think you have your answer,” Hawke said wrapping her sister into a big hug, doing her best to hold back the tears.

 

Their hug was interrupted by a light cough and they looked up to see Sebastian in the doorway to the kitchen. “Sorry to be interrupting, truly, but Fenris and I are finding ourselves in need of temporary sustenance until dinner is ready.”

 

“Quite all right, I was just giving Bethany a big hug since it seems I will be seeing less of her after this,” Hawke said a smile. Sebastian’s face lit up and he looked to Bethany for confirmation. She nodded and hopped off the chair and crossed the room to be wrapped up in a hug. Fenris popped his head around the corner and took in the scene with a puzzled look on his face. Hawke laughed and smiled, ignoring the tiny ache deep within her chest. First Fenris, and Anders, now Bethany; who else was going to leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those of you who have sent me feedback about how much you love Anders and Isabela together my apologies. I can assure you that things will work out for both of them.
> 
> Its getting close to the end and I find myself unable to write for days, I think because I know how close it is and I'm almost sad to see this end. 
> 
> As always thanks for the feedback and the kudos
> 
> Broody and Emma, what more can I say other than you are both amazing and I really truly could never do this without you.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Smut Chapter**

**Hawke** _ 10:03am _

Did you get everything on the list?

**Fenris** _ 10:05am _

Yes, though I’m rather puzzled by some of them.

**Hawke** _ 10:07am _

Because you’re not a cook, the list makes sense to me.

**Fenris** _ 10:09am _

You really don’t have to do all this, we can go out to eat or just order in.

**Hawke** _ 10:12am _

Did you seriously just suggest going out to eat instead of having a meal cooked for you by your girlfriend?

**Fenris** _ 10:14am _

While part of me would like to point out that I only suggested that so you didn’t have to do any work while on vacation, I am going to be smart and say thank you and be sure to say how delicious everything is when you make it.

**Hawke** _ 10:16am _

Very smart, I’m getting on the road now. Text you when I get to the ferry.

***

Hawke had sent Fenris an extensive grocery list a few days prior to her arrival, and he had dutifully picked up every item. She insisted on cooking for him the last week they had together, citing that she had failed in her duties as his girlfriend by not cooking for him more often.

Now he sat in his apartment finding things to occupy himself until she arrived. He would be leaving at the end of the week, and he regretted the fact that he had insisted she go back to Lothering for the summer. They had spent as much time together as they could, but now with only seven days to see her, he wished they had more. Especially now with the feelings he was wrestling with in his mind.

He wanted her, all of her, and he wanted to give her all of himself. His talk with Isabela had sparked something inside of him that washed away the fears he had of what taking that final step would mean. It would change things, but it was a good change; he knew that his heart was in this.

Glancing at the clock again he saw he had an hour before she would arrive and he set about getting his apartment ready. In addition to the grocery list Hawke had given him he had also bought rose petals, white silk sheets, and a plethora of candles. If he was going to take the next step with Hawke, he was damn sure going to do it the right way.

***

**Hawke** _ 3:34pm _

Just got off the ferry, I’ll be there in about 30 minutes.

**Fenris** _ 3:36pm _

:)

**Hawke** _ 3:37pm _

Just a smiley, no words about how much you have missed me and how excited you are to see me?

**Fenris** _ 3:39pm _

I doubt I could convey to you in text my feelings right now.

**Hawke** _ 3:42pm _

:)

***

Hawke waved to Isabela as she passed by the front of Siren’s Call on her way to the steps leading to Fenris's studio. There would be time enough to say hello properly later. Now all she wanted was to finally be in his arms. How she managed to be away from him this long was beyond her understanding. And now with him leaving in days, she regretted the decision to not stay in Kirkwall for the summer. There were so many things she wanted to tell him. So many feelings she felt she had not shared.

 

When she opened the door to his apartment she was taken aback at how dark it was. He hadn't bothered to open the blinds. She removed her shoes and hung her purse up on the hook.

 

"Fenris?" She called quietly, realizing that she could hear soft music playing from the stereo.

 

"In the bedroom." He answered back; she was puzzled as to why he hadn't been waiting for her at the door when she noticed a trail of red rose petals leading from where she stood into the bedroom. Her heart rate quickened as she followed them.

 

He stood in the bedroom lit by candlelight, wearing a pair of low slung black pants and an unbuttoned white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. There were rose petals scattered across the floor and on the bed itself.

 

"Hello," he purred as he pulled her in for a deep kiss, his tongue gently pressing into her mouth. Her hands gripped his shoulders, pulling him in closer to her.  _ Too long without this _ , she thought to herself. His hands roamed over her body and she shuddered when his fingers played along the top of her sundress. She moaned when he slowly pulled the zipper down, exposing her skin. He peeled her dress off slowly, savoring every inch of exposed skin, his lips never leaving hers.

 

Reaching around to the back of her head, he pulled the hair tie and let her hair drop to rest on her shoulders, his fingers combing through gently. Again, his fingers slid down her spine and as they reached the clasp of her bra. She stilled for a moment and he pulled away, looking at her with concern.

 

“Are you sure?” she asked. She wanted this--wanted him. But it shouldn’t be only about what she wanted. She needed to know that he was ready, that he wanted this for himself.

 

“I love you,” he whispered, caressing her cheek.

 

‘I love you too.”

 

“Marian,” he breathed, her name sounding like a declaration of all of the feelings she had bottled up inside her. “Yes or no?”

 

“Yes.”

 

***

“You have rose petals in your hair,” Hawke said with a giggle, basking in the afterglow.

 

“You do too,” he replied, pulling one out.

 

“My bags are still in my car,” she pointed out, rolling over to lay on her stomach.

 

“I know,” he mused while tracing his fingers up and down her spine.

 

“I’ll have to get out of bed to get them.”

 

“Wait until tomorrow,” he said, pulling her onto his chest.

 

“What about dinner?”

 

“I ordered take out, it should be here in a couple hours.”

 

“Shall I eat dinner naked? Or should I just throw on that shirt you were wearing and call it a day.”

 

“You can wear my shirt, but you’re only allowed to use one button.”

 

***

Sunlight poured into his bedroom through the filmy white curtains and Fenris threw his arm over his eyes to block it out. He rolled over to put his back to the windows and was graced with the most beautiful sight in front of him: Hawke bathed in sunlight, the white satin sheets resting over her naked body as she lay asleep. He sighed and ran his hand down her cheek, to her shoulder and then down her arm. She stirred and slowly opened her eyes.

 

“Good morning beautiful,” he said as she slid closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her and she rested her head against his chest. “Did you sleep well?”

 

“Very well in fact. You?”

 

“Naked in bed with a beautiful woman that I made love to? I don’t think I have ever slept as well as I did last night.”

 

Hawke giggled and nuzzled against his chest. “Are you…what I mean to say is…”

 

“You want to know if I am unsure now.”

 

“Yes,” she said her voice barely a whisper. He shifted so that she was on her back and he caged her in with his arms. He kissed her lips, her cheeks, and her forehead.

 

“I could not be happier than I am right now, here with you,” he said staring into her eyes. “I told myself over and over again that sleeping with you would change things. I didn’t realize that change could be good. I love you even more now that I have given you every part of me. Does that make sense?”

 

“I’ve never been with anyone like this either you know? I love you so much it scares me,” she said quietly, as though her words might break the very air around them. “I’m scared of what will happen when you’re gone. That we’ll forget this and let the distance take all this away.”

 

He caressed her cheek and wiped away the tears that prickled at the corners of her eyes. He wished he had the words to ease her fears, to show her that he wouldn’t allow the distance to come between them. But every word he wanted to say felt hollow; every sentiment a cliché.

 

“Hawke, nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you. I won’t allow anything to change what we have between us.”

 

She lifted her head and kissed him deeply. Her hands ran over his chest before moving down to his hips, brushing against a particularly sensitive spot. He moaned against her lips. Opening her legs, she pulled him towards her and gasped when he filled her again. They found an easy rhythm, as though they were always meant to be paired that way. He bent his knees and pulled her up to settle against his legs. His hands grasping the back of her neck and the small of her back as she grinded against him. They peaked together and crashed on the bed in a tangle of limbs, both breathing hard.

 

“I don’t know about you, but I am starving,” Hawke said after catching her breath. “Did you get all the stuff I asked for? I wanna make pancakes.”

 

“You asked that already, but yes I did.”

 

“Well then, you gonna go to the car and get my bags?”

 

“No need.”

 

“Fenris, cooking naked may seem like a sexy thing but in all seriousness, I’d prefer to have my delicate bits covered when working with open flame.”

 

“You won’t be naked,” he said with a wry grin. “I bought you an apron too.”

 

***

Anders smiled as he felt deft hands running over his chest and down his stomach. He opened his eyes slowly and grinned at the woman straddling him. He was going to miss waking up to that sight.

 

“Thought last night was the last time?” he asked.

 

“Changed my mind,” she said with a laugh. Anders bit back a groan as she took him and his back arched. His hands ran up her legs and pressed into her hips, setting the pace.

 

“You’re trying to make me regret leaving, aren’t you?”

 

“No, I’m just giving you something to think about fondly when all you can manage to get your hands on is snooty Orlesians.”

 

“I’ll take a saucy Rivaini over an Orlesian any day.”

 

He wasn’t entirely sure how they had ended up in bed the night before. He had come by to deliver a few of her clothes she had somehow managed to leave in his possession. They’d had some wine and next thing he knew they were in bed. When she didn’t press him to leave, he spent the night. Now here they were again, indulging in the one activity that they always seemed to agree on. 

 

He lifted himself up by his arms and brought his face closer to hers. She smiled and placed a light kiss on his lips. Kissing was never something they did often, and he decided now was the time to make up for it. He grabbed her and swiftly repositioned her under him, thrusting hard and swallowing her gasps with his mouth. She dug her nails into his shoulders as he took her hard and fast. He felt her climax and kissed her again as she moaned and bucked underneath him, the sensation sent him over the edge.

 

When they were finished he rolled onto his back, breathing hard, a wash of emotions going through him as he pressed his fingers to his lips, trying to imprint the memory of her mouth into his mind.

 

"I'm going to miss you, Isabela."

 

"I'm going to miss that mouth of yours... and those hands. Where did you learn--?"

 

"I mean it, you know,” he said softly, and was shocked at the sniffle he heard in response. “Bela?” he asked rolling over to look at her. “Are you crying?”

 

“No,” she said, brushing away the traitorous tears. “Just got something in my eye, probably a feather from the pillow.”

 

“Bela…”

 

“Fine! Yes, I’m crying a little bit. I’m going to miss you too, all right. And not just in a sexual way. You’re one of my best friends; are you happy now?” she said, climbing out of bed and angrily throwing on her robe. “I finally admit that I really don’t want you to go. But I know you have to.”

 

“I’m coming back!” he said suddenly before she could leave the room.

 

“What?”

 

“I’m coming back next year. They’re working out details to open another restaurant here in Kirkwall. I’m only going to Orlais for training. Bela, I am coming back.”

 

“Why wait til now to tell me this?”

 

“Because I thought things between us were…I don’t know,” he said, running a hand through his hair and looking at her sheepishly.

 

“Anders…”

 

“No, don’t start, all right. I don’t care. I’m coming back and when I do, if you are still willing, I’d be happy to engage in this again.”

 

“And if I’m not?”

 

“Well then I’ll just be happy to be back in the same city as my best friend.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally did it!  
> As always I hate writing smut, no matter how good it turns out I will always second guess it.
> 
> I have so many feelings about this chapter. Mostly ones of anguish since I know how this all ends and I start to feel like a terrible person. But none the less here is one last bit of happiness before the fall.
> 
> Broody and Emma, you know :)


	28. Chapter 28

The alarm on Fenris’s phone went off and he rolled over to shut it off. Hawke groaned sleepily next to him. He sighed and leaned over to give her a kiss before clambering out of bed. He took a quick shower and did his best to ignore the voice in the back of his head that reminded him he only had one more day. After the party that night, he would have just one more day with her. He knew they would find time to see each other while he was gone. They had gone over his tour itinerary twice, looking for opportunities to get together.

He walked back into the bedroom and smiled as he saw Hawke sitting up in bed, the sheets wrapped demurely around her chest. Hawke giggled softly from the bed as he looked through his dresser.

“What?” he asked, his back to her as he pulled on a pair of boxers.

“Your tattoos.”

“What about them?”

“You don’t have any on your butt,” she said, laughing. “You have them all over your body, yet your butt is completely untouched. What’s the matter? Afraid of not being able to sit?”

“Ah yes. You have found my weakness. I enjoy sitting so much that I did not dare do anything to prevent it.”

“Come here,” she said, holding her hands out to him, the sheets slipping down and pooling at her waist.

“If I do that, we will never get our day started.”

“I don’t see a problem with that.”

He chuckled and planted a kiss on the top of her head, and dodged her attempt to pull him back into bed with her.

“Go shower,” he admonished her with a grin.

“Don’t want to,” Hawke replied with a pout.

“I know. Trust me, I didn’t want to get out of bed either.”

The silence between them gave truth to the situation. Despite both of their insistence that they would not let the distance come between them, there was an unspoken fear that they would not be able to keep that promise. Fenris sighed for what felt like the hundredth time in less than an hour and pulled her into his arms. Their quiet moment was interrupted by the sound of Hawke’s phone chirping. Fenris picked it up from the nightstand and handed it to her, not letting her out of his lap. She laughed and showed him the message.

**Isabela** _ 9:34am _

Alright you two have had enough alone time, the rest of us want a chance to say good bye too. This is your first and only warning, you had better be at the diner by 10.

“I guess that’s my signal to shower,” Hawke lamented. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and sauntered off to the bathroom, putting a noticeable sway in her hips. She gave him a sultry look over her shoulder and Fenris resisted the urge to grab her and throw her back down onto the bed. He smiled and shook his head; she blew him a kiss before heading into the bathroom.

***

They hadn’t spent more than five minutes in the diner before Elle started crying. Rickard had to take her into the back room to compose herself. Twice.

“I’m sorry, I am making such a fool of myself,” she said after returning to their table with a pot of coffee despite there being no cups to fill. “I just...Fen you are like a son to me, you know that right?”

Fenris stood up and, after taking the pot from her, enveloped her in a warm embrace. Rickard stood behind them with a tray of coffee cups and was visibly trying to not cry. Fenris extended a hand out to him and he set the tray down and pulled Fenris and his wife into a huge bear hug. “We’re proud of you Fenris; no matter where you go, you’re always going to have a home here. Never forget that.”

***

Varric had insisted that they throw the going away party at his apartment. ‘Bon voyage’ banners were hung up on almost every wall--Merrill’s doing. Varric went all out and had the party catered with cuisines from every region--a toast to Fenris’s world travel and to Anders’ upcoming job.

“Judging from the bite marks on your neck, Isabela gave you a proper send off,” Fenris said quietly, handing Anders a beer and laughing at the slight blush that crept across his face. “Embarrassed? Wow, you are growing up.”

“What can I say? Relocating to a new city, taking on major responsibilities, training to become the sous chef of a brand new restaurant. Those sorts of things will mature anyone pretty fast,” he replied, taking a swig. He tilted his beer towards Fenris’s wineglass and they toasted one another.

“Yeah but this is you we are talking about. In all your travels do try not to lose whatever it is that makes you such an ass. I’d miss you.”

“I think that’s just my default setting really. Much like how yours is ‘broody pretentious dick,’” Anders gibed, poking Fenris in the ribs.

“I’d like to think I do a lot less brooding now.”

“So you don’t deny that you’re pretentious?”

“Why deny the facts? It’s not like you’d have me any other way.”

***

“You cheeky bitch,” Isabela said with mirth in her voice as she sauntered over to Hawke and Merrill. Hawke tried to mask her face into one of impassivity but failed miserably. She and Fenris had locked eyes from across the room and no doubt the smile on her face told Isabela everything. “Ha! I knew it!”

“What is she talking about?” Merrill asked.

“Hawke and Fenris finally locked more than just their lips,” Isabela replied, throwing an arm over her shoulders.

“You did it?” Merrill said with wide eyes. Hawke tried not to blush and looked away from both of them, pretending to be very interested in the art hanging on the walls. “Oh no you don’t, Hawke! Best friend, remember? You have to tell me!”

Hawke turned and smiled at both of them, blushing harder when Merrill squealed and locked arms around her. “Really, why is there so much excitement about my sex life?”

“Because it’s the two of you! How could I not be excited to see my best friend in love?”

“I hardly think love had anything to do with the activities they got up to,” Isabela added.

“Oh Bela, don’t be so mean.”

“I’m not being mean, I’m being honest,” she riposted with a wave of her hand. “Sex can be about love; I am aware of that. I’m just saying that usually, lust is what leads to the bedroom before love even comes into play.”

“I’m assuming lust is what left those lovely marks on your shoulders then?” Hawke said with a wry grin.

“That bastard!” Isabela cried backing up to a mirror to examine the obvious claw marks that started at her shoulders and no doubt trailed down to her ass. “He’s a fucking beast in the sack in more ways than one.”

***

“Can I just say I am very happy to see the two of you together? There was a time where I thought I might have to lock you up in the closet together and not let you out till you at least kissed.” Isabela said, walking over and holding up her glass in a mock toast. Fenris stood with his arm around Hawke, and she had her cheek pressed against his chest, wide smiles on both their faces.

“Nothing wrong with having a platonic friendship Isabela. You of all people should know that,” Fenris rebuffed her.

“That I do, but I never made eyes at any of my friends quite the way the two of you did.”

“What sort of eyes are those?”

“Puppy dog.”

“There are no puppy dog eyes.” Fenris said with a low growl.

“Oh I don’t know Fen; you’ve had a couple moments where your eyes got all big and sad. Made me want to ruffle your hair and tell you what a good boy you were,” Hawke said and let out a squeal when he pinched her bottom.

“Considering how awkward you were the first time we met, I don’t think you have any place to criticize.”

“Oh, it wasn’t her fault. She was honestly convinced you were some guy she knew years ago. Jumped behind the counter just to avoid you,” Isabela said, laughing. Hawke blushed and hung her head in embarrassment.

“You really had to bring that up?” she said woefully.

“Honey, how could I not? The look on your face when I caught you behind the counter was priceless.”

“That’s why you were behind the counter?” Fenris asked. “You thought I was who now?”

“Yes, you were walking in and she’s in a panic; ‘You have to let me hide, its Leto!’ I swear, Fenris, she looked like she had seen a ghost.”

Fenris paled suddenly and swallowed hard. His eyes widened for a moment; he looked lost. Isabela thought she saw a moment of pure panic flash through his eyes, only to disappear as quickly as it had appeared, and the calm façade he would adopt when she first met him took over.

“Well that’s neither here nor there now. He’s obviously Fenris and we can forget about what an idiot I was once and for all,” Hawke interjected, breaking the silence.

***

Fenris choked on the first drag of the cigarette, feeling it burn his lungs. He hadn’t smoked in months; Hawke had quit at the beginning of the summer and he joined in solidarity. His hand shook as he brought it back to his lips and inhaled deep.

_ It was her… _

How many times had he tried to remember her name; her face; anything? The girl who he had loved and lost in a matter of moments. Marian Hawke, how had he forgotten her name? How could she possibly be in his life again after all this time?

_ I have to tell her. She needs to know… _

But what then? What happened when she found out who he really was? What would she say?

_ “Between that and my mother falling apart I failed out of my freshmen year of high school, lost my virginity that summer, and got my heart broken.” _

_ “I’m sorry.” _

_ “It’s not your fault.” _

_ “I’m sorry for whoever hurt you. I’m sorry that you had to go through that.” _

“I’m so sorry,” he said to the night air biting back tears. He heard the sliding door open behind him and trained his face into one of calm and turned to smile at her.

“Hey, you said you quit,” she admonished him with a poke in the arm.

“Sorry, old habits you know?”

“Everyone has their vices,” she replied, an echo of a conversation from what felt like ages ago.

“Are you ready to get going?”

“Yeah, I am,” he put out the cigarette and followed her back into the apartment. They said their goodbyes and took a cab back to his studio. As they lay in bed, she ran her hands down his stomach and went to slide her fingers under the band of his boxers. He took her hands away and kissed her fingers gently.

“Not tonight,” he said, trying to smile. She looked at him questioningly but relented and kissed him gently on the corner of his mouth.

“I love you,” she said before rolling over. He buried his face in her hair and held back from crying.

“I love you too.”

He listened as her breathing became regular and she drifted off to sleep. Kissing the back of her head he finally let himself give in to the emotions that had been plaguing him all night. As tears flowed down his face he whispered again to the night air,  _ I’m sorry. _

***

When he awoke he was alone in bed. He could hear music playing gently in the kitchen and smelled the coffee she had brewed. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and walked into the kitchen, his gut twisting with every step.

“Hey there sleepy head, I was just about to see if you were up. What shall I make for breakfast today? Or do we want to go to the diner one more time?” she said with so much mirth in her voice he nearly faltered in telling her. Anything to make sure that smile stayed on her face.

“Hawke,” he began, a tremor in his voice. “Hawke, we need to talk.”

Her expression turned grave and she stared at him with worry. He took a deep breath and stared down at his hands.

“Hawke, you should know I wasn’t born Fenris Bellator.”

“You changed your name?”

“Yes, when I was eighteen. I didn’t want to have my name anymore. There were too many bad memories attached to it.” He looked up at her and knew that there was no turning back; he had to tell her.

“Fenris…”

“My birth name was Leto Puer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is. The moment I have been dreading writing for weeks. When I came up with this idea I could not even begin to imagine what it would spiral into. This was going to be a short fic, maybe 20 chapters maximum. Instead it has become a lovingly crafted work of epic proportions. Only 2 more chapters left in part 2.   
> Thank you as always to Broody and Emma, I cannot stress enough how much you guys mean to me.
> 
> For those who read and comment, thank you as well.


	29. Chapter 29

**7 Years Ago**

“Why are you sending us away?” Marian asked her grandmother after hearing the news.

“Because your mother is in no state to take care of you little bird, she needs some time to heal and it's best for you to be somewhere else,” Nana Hawke replied as they continued to set the table for dinner.

“I was doing just fine taking care of the twins and myself. We don't need to go.”

“Marian, you failed freshman year. Obviously you weren't doing just fine.”

Marian sighed and set the plates down heavily. Of all the mornings for her mother to finally rise out of bed, it had to be when the letter from her school had arrived. One phone call later and Nana Hawke had arrived with enough suitcases to indicate that she was staying for quite some time.

“I just needed a little more time to get used to things. I had it under control, Nana.”

“You are fifteen years old. Now is not the time for you to be acting like a parent.”

“So send the twins! I can stay here and help you.”

“Marian, sweetheart, come here,” she said, walking into the living room. She patted the seat on the couch next to her and Marian reluctantly went to sit down. Nana took her hands into her own and leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. “It is not your job to fix this. Your mother…”

“She’s broken.”

“Yes, but it’s not your fault or your responsibility.”

“I miss him so much Nana,” Marian sobbed, letting her grandmother envelop her in a loving embrace. “I want my dad back.”

“I know, I miss him too.”

“Please don’t make me go away, please I’ll do anything.”

“Trust me, this is for the best.”

***

“This is bullshit, Dan!” Leto Puer was beside himself in rage.

“I do not tolerate that sort of language in this house and you know it,” Dan Rius, his foster father, replied through a veneer of calm. Leto had managed to save up enough money to pay for GED prep courses over the summer. He would be turning eighteen in October, and Tevinter law required that anyone still in high school live with their foster family until they graduated, even if they were of legal age. He had hoped to withdraw and take his GED test and be free once and for all. Dan had other plans—ones that involved sending him away to camp for the entire summer.

“Why? Why are you doing this to me? Don’t you want to be rid of me?”

“On the contrary, Leto, I do not want to be rid of you at all. In fact, I am quite content to have you here with me until the end of your days. It’s not many of my children who are so vehemently disobedient.”

“You mean to say the rest of your children are beaten down enough by you to be compliant.”

“Nonsense; that would imply I have laid hands on my other children. I have never needed to raise a hand to any of them, only you,” he intoned, his calm manner giving way to flashes of rage in his eyes. Leto tried not to remember the feel of the belt.

“Because I know what kind of sick twisted game you play. I will not become like the rest of them; you cannot keep me.”

“Leto, you are going to learn once and for all that once you are in my care, you do not leave. You are my child and you will stay my child.”

“I am not your child,” Leto said defiantly before he was silenced by a back handed slap. He could taste blood and spat it onto the floor. “One day Dan, one day.”

“Leto, still thinking he’s a wolf with teeth. You can howl at the moon all you like but in the end you are nothing but a dog. And dogs heel to their masters.”

“When do I leave? Where are you sending me?”

“A lovely summer camp in Ferelden, and you leave the end of next week. Don’t get any ideas about running off, either. The counselors are well aware of your particular proclivities for telling falsehoods.”

***

Marian wrinkled her nose at the set of camp shirts she had been given. Varying shades of neon orange, pink, yellow and green.

“You have got to be kidding me!” she said, holding up one of the shirts like it was toxic waste.

 “Something wrong with your shirts?” the counselor asked. Marian had been separated from her siblings and led to a cabin with three other campers closer to her age. If thirteen could be considered closer, which to Marian it was not.

“Have you looked at the color?”

“I have.”

“Have you looked at me then?” she said gesturing to herself; her long black hair was pulled into a tail. Her eyes were painted with thick black lines and her arms were covered in black and purple jelly bracelets. “I don’t do color.”

“Well here, you do.”

“Don’t you have like a purple or a grey?”

“No, these are the colors we chose for this summer. We had purple last year; should have come then.”

“Last year my father wasn’t dead and my mother wasn’t practically comatose,” she replied with narrowed eyes. “But thank you for reminding me how much happier I was last year.”

The other three campers gave her funny looks and the counselor sighed. “Marian, it’s time to decide whether this summer is going to be fun, or be miserable. The only thing stopping you from having fun is yourself.”

“So that’s a no on finding me different shirts, then?”

***

“All right everyone, glad to see you are all wearing your camp shirts. I want to thank Candy and Tina for suggesting this year’s colors.”

_I’d like to throttle them but that’s just me._

“Now, the most important thing at Camp Brecilian that we like to encourage is friendship. So what I want you to do today is find yourself a buddy. Pick someone you’ve never met before and introduce yourself. They are going to be your buddy for the week. Every Monday we will do this, and by the end of the summer you will have made ten new friends, isn’t that awesome?”

_Ten weeks of hell._

“Now go on and see if you can’t make a new forever friend.”

Marian stood with her arms folded and refused to move from where she was. Maybe she would get lucky and there would be an odd number of them and they would be content to let her wander off and spend her summer alone. She looked away from the people milling about her and held back a tear.

That’s when she saw him.

He was taller than most of the boys at camp, and the look of contempt on his face seemed a mirror of her own. Black hair, almost longer than hers hung on either side of his tan face. He turned and saw her staring, and his moss green eyes softened for a second. Something about him drew her in and she decided that perhaps maybe she need not be a loner that summer.

***

Leto groaned at the word buddy and did his best to not curl his lips into a snarl. Thankfully, his appearance seemed to keep most of the other campers away from him. Not one of them even attempted to approach him. That’s when he saw her.

Wide blue eyes set in a round face that hadn’t quite lost its babyish features. Pale skin with a smattering of freckles across her nose and hair black as ink. They studied one another for a moment before she walked towards him, a purposeful look in her eyes. He noticed then that she had taken liberties with the garish shirts they had been given; artful slits had been cut into the sleeves.

“You’re going to be my camp buddy,” she said, grabbing his hand. He looked at her in shock; her blatant disregard for personal space was unsettling. He yanked his hand away and glared at her.

“Why is that?”

“Do you really want to be paired off with one of them?” she asked, gesturing to the rest of the campers. He followed her black painted nails with his eyes before looking back at her. "Who else could you possibly want to spend time with if not me?"

"What makes you think I want to spend time with anyone?"

"You've got this look that says 'Grrrr hug me.'"

“I don’t hug.”

“Neither do I, surprisingly.”

“I suppose there are worse options.”

“That’s the spirit. My name’s Marian.”

“I’m Leto.”

 

***

“So now that we are going to be camp buddies, we should ask each other the really important questions,” Marian said as they sat at the edge of the dock, their toes skimming the surface of the lake.

“Such as?”

“What house are you in?”

“I think I’m a Ravenclaw,” he said with a smile. “Though there are times I wish I was a Gryffindor.”

“I’m a Ravenclaw too. Why do you want to be a Gryffindor?”

“Because bravery would have kept me out of summer camp.”

“Me too.”

“Since we’re asking the important questions: fire, plant or water?”

“Oh, trying to be sneaky and not use their names huh?” she said, bumping her shoulder into his. “I always pick Squirtle.”

“Charmander; what’s your Eeveelution?”

“Flareon.”

“Jolteon for me.”

“Rebels or Empire?”

“Rebels, who shot first?”

“Han, of course. Coke or Pepsi?”

“Coke, and if you say the opposite we can’t be friends anymore.”

“I forgave you for picking Jolteon. Only one more important question.”

“What’s that?”

“How do you feel about Twilight?”

“Vampires don’t fucking sparkle,” he responded with a growl.

“Leto, I think we just became best friends.”

***

She kissed him one evening out of the blue. They had just finished dinner and were sneaking off down to the lake when she pressed her lips to his. He wasn’t entirely sure how to react or respond, and it was over so fast he was sure he had done something wrong. She ran off towards the lake and he took off after her.

“What was that for?” he asked when he finally managed to catch her.

“I just wanted to see what it felt like. I’ve never kissed anyone before,” she replied sheepishly.

“Neither have I.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I always thought kisses lasted longer than that.”

“We could try again…if you wanted to.”

His lips on hers were his only answer.

***

“Are you…are you upset about what we did?” she asked him the night after they slept together.

“No, no Marian that was... better than anything I have ever imagined,” he replied quickly.

“I’m really going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too.”

“Promise me you will write.”

“I swear I will, as soon as I get home I will write to you.”

***

Leto returned home to find his bedroom empty of everything save his furniture and clothes. He dropped his bags to the ground and stormed down to the living room to find his foster father calmly drinking a cup of tea.

“Where are my things?” he asked angrily.

 “Gone,” Dan replied, not even deigning to look at him.

“Why?” Leto growled, his fists clenched at his sides.

“To teach you humility and respect; you didn’t even bother to say hello to me when you walked in the door. Obviously, I made the right choice.”

“Why do you do this to me? What do you want from me?”

“What I want from all my children, obedience and a promise to always remember who took them in when no one else would.”

“You act as though you are some savior to us. You don’t save us, you beat us down, make it so we can’t have a life without you. How many of us do you have working for you, living in those slums you call apartments, slaving away for your shady businesses?”

“Careful, Leto; you’re showing your teeth when you should be presenting your throat.”

“I am not your dog!”

He heard a _tsk tsk_ sound behind him and cringed as he turned to see Hadriana walk into the room. Dan’s favorite child, the only one he ever let stay. She had a book in her hands and he realized to his horror where she had gotten it.

“That’s mine,” he said, resisting the urge to grab it from her.

“Is it now? See it says here that it’s the property of the camp. Seems to me it’s stolen property.”

“They let me have it,” he lied through his teeth.

_Don’t let her open it please. Don’t let her look inside._

“That’s a lie, Leto,” Dan said, taking the book from Hadriana. “You know how I feel about lying.” Leto bit back the urge to shout and felt his shoulders drop as Dan opened the book and saw what was written on the inside.

“To Leto, don’t forget me. How sweet, and she’s given you her address.”

“Did little Leto fall in love this summer?” Hadriana asked with a sneer.

“This will not do, who knows what you might have told her. What sort of lies did you tell this girl?” Dan stood up and walked towards him; Leto felt like he was fused to the ground. Any fight he had in him was gone so long as Dan still held the book.

“I didn’t tell her anything, I swear. She is just a friend I made.”

 “Good, but I’m afraid I just cannot risk you having contact with this girl. She might give you ideas, make you think you can leave me.”

“Dan, please, please no, don’t do this,” Leto begged as he watched Dan walk towards the fireplace.

“I’m sorry Leto, but it’s best if you just learn to forget her.”

Leto surged forward, but it was too late. Dan threw the book into the roaring fire and Leto watched helplessly as it burned in front of him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...about that cliffhanger
> 
> I know some of you might very well be cursing my name for still leaving you wanting to know what happens. But I couldn't very well continue the story without at least showing how they met and the reason he never wrote. Whether or not she gives him the chance to explain, and if he even can, has yet to be seen.
> 
> Broody and Emma, I love you.


	30. Chapter 30

“My birth name was Leto Puer.”

Fenris looked up at her and waited for her reaction. She stood in stunned silence, staring at him in disbelief.

“Hawke…”

“You have a lot of fucking nerve,” she said with a snarl. “Of all the fucked up, underhanded things you could say to me...”

“Please, let me explain.”

“Explain what? That you’ve decided that since we’ve slept together, what’s the point? That you’re off to go on a world tour and don’t want to be tied down?” Her hands were clenched at her sides and she bit her lip angrily.

“I swear I am telling you the truth.” He made no motion to move towards her.

“Bullshit! That is such utter bullshit!”

“Why would I lie to you about this? Why now?”

“Because you’re leaving! Because you’ve never been in a committed relationship and it scares you so you’re running away from me!”

“Hawke I swear to you, it’s the truth. I don’t want to leave you.”

“Then take it back. Please, take it back. Tell me you’re Fenris,” she pleaded.

“I wish I could. Oh god, I wish I could. I would give anything to have this not be true.”

“Prove it; tell me something only he could know.”

Fenris sighed and raked a hand through his hair. Hawke stared at him with tears in her eyes, her whole body shaking. How many times had he forced himself to forget so much of that summer? How many drugs had he done to forget her and so many other moments from that life? He took a deep breath and held back a sob before looking up at her.

“You wrote your address for me in a copy of  _ The Sorcerer’s Stone _ .”

Hawke’s lips parted in a gasp that soon gave way to whimpering cry. She staggered backwards into the kitchen counter and Fenris moved forward to reach out to her. She shoved him away angrily.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” She cried out and he felt her words hit him like a punch to the gut. “Seven years! Seven fucking years and you wait till now? Did you stalk me?”

“No, I swear I didn’t know it was you. Hawke, I forgot everything from that life. I did more than just change my name; I turned my back on everything.”

“How long have you known?”

“Last night.”

“Isabela,” Hawke said, her voice trailing off. “I can’t believe this.”

“Hawke.” He moved closer to her again, but she seemed repulsed by his very presence.

“Stay away from me.”

He let his arms drop to his sides and let her shove past him on her way to the bedroom. His feet felt as though they were stuck to the floor and his mind was awash with memories he thought were long gone. Every strike of Dan’s fist; the belt; the meals he’d been denied; and the nights he did not sleep. He broke himself free before the feelings overwhelmed him just in time to see her come out of the bedroom with her bags in hand.

“Hawke, please let me explain,” he begged, still unable to move from where he stood.

“What, that I was just another one of your conquests? That I gave my heart to you twice and you managed to break it every time?”

Her words stung and he felt his sadness fade away into anger.

“You have no idea what you are talking about,” he said to her with a sneer.

“Because you have never let me know you! Don’t you see you held back everything from me?”

“You didn’t need to know about that life!”

“That was all well and good when I didn’t know I had been a part of it!”

“Damn it, Hawke, do you think any of this is easy for me?”

“Easy for you? Do you know how horrible it was for me the day I met you? Do you have any idea the amount of emotional torment I went through? Telling myself over and over again that it wasn’t you.”

“If I had known, I swear…”

“What? You would have told me and then run off again?”

“God damn it, Hawke, let me speak!”

“No! You had your chance to talk. You had your chance months ago when I asked you to tell me about your life. One conversation  _ Leto _ ,” she spat his name like a curse. “One simple conversation about your past would have changed everything.”

“Don’t ever call me that again,” he shouted. “Do you understand? I am not Leto; I will never be Leto again!”

Hawke’s eyes welled up with tears and she let out a choked sob. Fenris cringed at the sight; he’d never yelled at her before. No matter the argument he had never raised his voice like that to her.

“I have to go,” she said suddenly, grabbing her bags. She cringed when he rushed towards her and he felt his gut wrench at the sight. “Don’t, don’t you come near me.”

“Please don’t go; don’t do this.”

“I can’t look at you.”

“Hawke I’m sorry; please let me explain.”

“It’s too late Fenris,” she said. He stood rooted to the spot and watched her walk out the door. He heard her car door slam and then the sound of her engine turning over. When he didn’t hear her drive away he ran to the open door and saw her in her car, her face in her hands as she cried.

_ Go to her you fool! _

She looked up at him and he thought for a moment she would reconsider. She would turn off the car and come back. They would talk. He would fix this; he would do anything to fix this if she would just come back. His shoulders slumped as she turned away and drove off. He slammed the door shut and stormed off to the kitchen. He opened the cabinet on top of the fridge and pulled the bottle of Aggregio he had hidden for their last night. He pulled the cork and drank heavily, feeling the wine burn his throat and sink into his stomach. Without another thought he hurled the bottle against the wall and sank to the floor, choking on the wail that escaped his lungs.

***

Hawke drove around Kirkwall aimlessly with no real destination in mind. The tears had abated as she drove but every so often she would see something that made her think of him and the tears would begin anew. How did this happen? How was this even possible? Of all the colleges in Thedas for him to show up at, it had to be here.

The shrill sound of a car horn broke her from her thoughts as she slammed on the brakes to avoid colliding with the car in front of her. She had driven right through an intersection and was inches away from t-boning a mini van. The woman shot her a glare and drove off. Hawke pulled over and tried her best to not give into the despair.

_ I need to get off the road,  _ she thought to herself.  _ I need to be alone. _

She drove to the only place she knew there wouldn’t be anyone to witness her crying—the dorms. It had all seemed so perfect when she had been making plans for this week. Fenris was departing just before classes began. She and Merrill would have spent the day he left moving their things back into the dorm. A long day of distractions to keep her mind off him being gone.

Her hands shook as she put the key in the lock and she had to wipe her eyes several times to bring her vision back into focus. She finally managed to get the door open and threw herself on the bed without thought, burying her face in the pillow.

_ Wait…this is my pillow? _

Hawke sat up and took in her surroundings. The room looked was all but finished. All their furniture was back in the places they kept it. The beds were made and the mini kitchenette was back in its rightful spot by the TV stand. She opened the closet and found all her clothes hung up, her chef coats neatly pressed. The sound of keys in the door caught her attention and she was soon face to face with Merrill. She walked in with a box and nearly dropped it at the sight of her.

“Merrill,” Hawke began before the tears started again. She collapsed backwards, landing awkwardly on the bed. Merrill set the box she had been carrying down and rushed to her side.

Hawke tried to speak but could not get the words out. Merrill shushed her and took her into her arms. Merrill managed to get them both onto the bed, with Hawke’s face buried against her chest. She stroked her fingers through Hawke’s hair, soothing her with whispered words.

“He’s Leto,” Hawke finally whispered. Merrill gasped and clutched her tighter.

“Oh, Hawke.”

“I knew it, Merrill; deep down inside, I knew it.”

“How did you find out? Did he keep this from you the whole time?” Merrill asked with a slight tinge of anger in her voice.

“No, he didn’t know either. He didn’t know it was me. Isabela spilled the beans last night and told him who I thought he was when we first met.”

Merrill said nothing more only hugged her tighter. Hawke sniffled a few times but it seemed as if her tears had finally dried up. She sat up gingerly and accepted the tissue Merrill handed her.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

Hawke stared down at her hands for a moment before looking back up to Merrill and then around the room; “How is the room already done?”

“I’ve been back up since Wednesday; I wanted to have everything ready as a surprise. I know you said the distraction of putting everything away would help you get through the first day of him leaving, but I wanted us to do something fun instead. So I came up early and got it all ready for us.”

“Merrill…”

“I know Hawke, and trust me you are and always will be mine.”

***

Fenris woke up the next day feeling as though he had been hit by a truck. His entire body ached and he cursed himself for drinking so heavily. What had been the point, really? It wasn’t like drinking had caused him to forget what had transpired. If anything the aches and pains only served to match his internal conflict. He checked his phone and saw no calls or messages; he held back the urge to cry.

After a hot shower and a careful last minute check of his belongings he managed to get himself down to Siren’s Call. It was a Sunday which meant that Isabela would not be there and Fenris let out silent thank you to whoever his creator was for small miracles. She was the last person he wanted to see the state he was in. He watched and waited, hoping to see Hawke come across the street. After twenty minutes of waiting, a car pulled up, and Professor Harellan stepped out. Fenris felt his shoulders slump.

“Fenris, good to see you are set to go,” Solas said walking into the coffee shop.

“Professor, could we wait just a few minutes more. I’m just waiting for someone; they promised to come see me off,” Fenris lied, hoping to give Hawke just a few more minutes to show up. She wouldn’t have him leave without saying goodbye; she just wouldn’t.

“Very well. We have a bit of time. I’ll just use the opportunity to order what might very well be the last good cup of chai I’ll have in months,” Solas replied with a wink. Fenris watched the door with growing worry.

After a few minutes he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Solas standing there with a sympathetic look in his eyes.

“As much as I would like to give you more time, we really do need to get going. I’m sorry your friend won’t be able to see you off.”

Fenris nodded silently and grabbed his bags. He took slow measured steps out to the car, hoping to buy just a little more time. The driver came around and took his bags from him, denying him the opportunity to put them in the trunk himself. He opened the back door to the car and was about to step in when he heard a voice.

“Fenris!”

He turned quickly and the sudden rush of hope that had burst into his chest quickly deflated when he saw Merrill running towards him. He had a brief moment of panic that something had happened before he saw the envelope in her hands.

“She’s not coming?” he asked, hoping still for some miracle.

“I’m sorry; I tried to get her to come. To talk to you in person. She gave me this to give you instead. I tried to get here sooner; ran the whole way,” Merrill replied, catching her breath.

“She told you, then?”

Merrill nodded and then quickly wrapped her arms around him in a hug; “It will work out, I know it will. Just give her time.”

“Keep an eye on her, ok?”

“I know; take care of yourself, though, all right?”

“I will try.”

“Good bye Fenris.”

“Good bye Merrill.”

***

_ Dear Fenris, _

_ I’ve thought a lot about this. About what this all means. I believe you when you say that you had no idea. That you didn’t remember me, or realize that it was me. I don’t hate you, this I can promise. Please believe me when I say that me not being there today was not done in hatred or anger. _

_ I can’t hate you for the past because I see who you have become, and all that you have done to change yourself for the better. I wish I could say that I knew more of your life, perhaps that knowledge might have made this easier. But I don’t want to dwell on what ifs and maybes. The past is the past and there is nothing either of us can do to change that. _

_ I love you, I will always love you. But sadly I can never look at you again without being reminded that in the end it was always you. You were the one who broke my heart and despite loving you now, I don’t know if that is something I can ever get over. Please do not try to contact me, it’s better for both of us this way. I hope that someday we can be friends again, that we can get past all of this. But until then, please just leave me be. It’s for the best. _

_ Hawke. _

Fenris stared at her letter as he sat on the plane. It didn’t seem real; he kept reading it over and over hoping it would change. But no matter how many times he read it, in the end it was always the same. Hawke said goodbye, and he didn’t know if or when he would ever get the chance to see her again. When the tears started again, he folded the letter back up and slipped it into its envelope. He pulled his carry on bag into his lap and went to pull out the planner Merrill had given him as a going away present. He found a small box underneath it that he didn’t remember packing and pulled it out.

He gasped in shock when he saw what was inside--Hawke’s red leather cuff. Written on the lid of the box in the same curling script as her letter was…

_ Fenris, keep me close and don’t forget me _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, part 2 is officially over. I have been told I am a monster by Broody and Emma for how this ended. Rest assured there will be a part 3 because really I'm FenHawke for life and can't keep them apart for too long.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, reached out to me on tumblr, done artwork, and just kept cheering me on. This has been such a crazy ride and I honestly can't wait to get started on part 3. I can't say for sure when the next chpater will be released, but rest assured I have not turned my back on this. Just giving my brain some time to figure out just how these two idiots are going to get back together.
> 
> To all of you again, thanks.


End file.
